Sapphic Voices Fan Fiction

Do They Know How Lucky They Are?

Disclaimer: The Author of this short Story does not own the characters of The L Word, however this Story comes from her imagination and belongs to her. It cannot be copied, reproduced, or transmitted by any means without her permission. This is a stand-alone chapter.

Bette stared unseeing through the small window as the plane slowly rolled back away from the gate. It was time. Time to go...time to let go of what she no longer held...time to start the healing process, for both of them, so that maybe...just maybe, someday, they will both be able to love again.

Laying her head back, Bette closed her eyes, wondering what Tina was doing right that moment. Who was she with? Was she okay? Was she thinking about her...did she even care about Bette anymore?

God...the ache to feel her skin...to taste her lips was so overwhelming, Bette had to choke back a moan as her knuckles tightened their grip on the armrests of her coach seat...a cramped, tiny middle seat, way in the back of the plane...right where she felt she deserved to be. After what she did to Tina, to their lives, this is what she deserved at this moment, not her usual luxurious first class accommodations. And, as she tried to squeeze her shoulders closer together so as not to rest against the broad shoulders of the men on either side of her, she felt a strange comfort knowing that she was suffering from her betrayal to Tina just as much, if not more than Tina was. Some people might think that a little arrogant to feel that, but Bette knew how much she loved Tina...knew how much she loved living a life that valued, and paid respect to both their moral convictions. In time, Tina will be able to get over Bette’s betrayal...but Bette still had to live inside her own skin, knowing what she destroyed, every day for the rest of her life.

"Good-bye my love," Bette whispered, ignoring the curious looks from the two men. "Thank you..."

Tina’s fingers shook as she lightly ran them across the blue ink, spelling out her name on the textured cream colored envelope. Did she have the strength to read this? Did she even care enough to read what she knew was a letter from Bette? Who is she kidding? Of course she cared. No matter how much she fought it. No matter how much she wanted to hate Bette...she couldn’t. True love doesn’t switch on and off like that. Oh, there is most definitely anger...lots and lots of anger. And, there is physical pain, and deep wells of loneliness. There is embarrassment, and insecurity, defeatism, and plain old shock. But, through all of that, there is still love. It is hard to see, and even harder to feel sometimes, but it is always there. And, Tina knew without a doubt that it always would be.

So, with trembling fingers, she opened the flap and slid the perfectly folded paper from it’s hiding place. Even though she didn’t know what to expect, her eyes filled with tears in anticipation of the emotions that soon would be rushing through her heart.

My Darling Tina,

You just told me a little while ago, that you can’t do it...can’t do "us." And, after what I did to "us", I don’t blame you in the least. So, with our friends standing guard, I left at your request. But, before I completely leave your life, I just wanted to take a moment to tell you how I feel.

Do they know how lucky they are? Do they realize what a rare privilege they are being given by sharing your life? A privilege that I would do just about anything in the world to experience again. They get to spend evenings with you, or a whole day in your company...something I can now only dream about. They get to casually hug you, hang out and watch a movie with you...share a meal with you...a laugh. All things that I ache to share with you. While you sit in the back yard, and watch one friend give the other swimming lessons, or talk about the dinner party that took place the night before, do they understand how precious this time with you is? Do they appreciate what a gift you are to all who come in contact with you? Do they know, that as you all frolic in the pool, I am sitting at the airport, trying with all my might, not to let those around me know that my heart is breaking?

Do they realize how beautiful you are? That when you look at someone you love, your eyes shine so bright, they sparkle...your cheeks turn an adorable shade of pink...and your gorgeous lips, along with your delicious mouth, form the most perfect smile.

I could spend an eternity gazing into your captivating eyes...a lifetime paying homage to your soft, sweet lips. Just know, you always have, and always will, take my breath away.

Can they feel the energy that radiates off of you? Waves of kindness, love, and acceptance washing over each recipient.

Will they ever know what it is like to hold your hand? A grasp that is just the right mixture of reassurance, safety, and sexiness.

Do they know that I ache...way down to my bones...just to be in the same room with you again?

I have been banished from your life. Left to live with my decisions, and therefore my actions. Forced to try to move on make a life without you in it. But how I do that? I don’t know. How could anyone move on after loving, and being loved by you? And, never doubt it...I always felt loved by you T. Whether it was through grand gestures, like wanting to raise a child with me, to the sweet way you would always make sure I ate my green leafy vegetables. I could feel your love every day.

Most people would think that we had a good run. Eight years...I guess for most, that would be considered pretty good. But, for me...it went by so fast. In fact, it doesn’t feel like eight years at all. It’s so hard to grasp the concept of time, once it is gone. And because of what I have done, our time is gone. It could have been two years, rather than eight. All I know, is it wasn’t long enough. However, no matter the actual amount of time, what we did share was incredible...breathtaking...life changing. I will never be the same because of knowing you. I will forever be better. I will forever be grateful. I will forever be yours, whether we are together, or living forever apart.

My darling Tina...as you sit there, enjoying the day with our friends, know that there is a soul out here, who is without a doubt, passionately in love with you. Know that there is a woman out here, who aches to be able to feel your body on top of her, and inside of her. Know that even though it may not feel like it right now, there is a friend out here, who will be by your side, and will be your support...always.

Tina, you are my heart...you are my love. And no matter where we are in the process of living our lives, I will always love you. And, I will pray every morning, that one day you will find it in your heart to forgive me, and you will come and find me. You don’t have to say a word...just come find me. And, when...or I guess I should say if, you ever want to find me, like I pray that you will, don’t look in the logical place, which would be New York. I think I have had enough of that kind of lifestyle for a while. I need to be in a place that is slower. A place where I can take the time to reflect on my life...on our life...and to try to continue to be the better person you have helped me to become. And, I will try T...with everything that I am, I will try...for both of us.

So, I have chosen a place that reminds me of you. A place where I think I can be happy. Who knows, maybe a place where we could be happy together. I paid attention all those times you spoke of home, and how much you missed it. So, if you ever do come to find me...look towards your home, because I will be in Asheville. I know what you’re thinking...Bette Porter in Asheville, North Carolina!? I know, but you see...I am going there precisely because it is not New York, or LA, or Chicago. It is you...and deep down, it truly is me. So...that is where I will be, doing what I love to do...finding wonderful art and sharing it with others.

I love you with all that I am...and even though I will try my best to move on...I know in my soul, that I was born to love you. And, because of that, my heart will always be right where you need it to be...loving you...and patiently waiting.

Do they really know just how lucky they are?

I do. As I sit here alone...without you to light my way...I am now, painfully aware of just how lucky they are.

Yours forever,

Bette

Tears flowed Tina’s face as she read and reread the letter, over and over again.

"I’ll be rooting for you baby...for us" she whispered. "Maybe some day..."

The End

If you have enjoyed SeahurstMT's "Do They Know How Lucky They Are?", then please be certain to e-mail her at  SeahurstMT[at]aol.com  and thank her for posting this Story.

Click here for a list of all of SeahurstMT's  Stories at  Sapphic Voices Authoresses.