Sapphic Voices General Fiction

Chasing Cars

Disclaimer: This Story uses the lyrics to the song Chasing Cars by Snow Patrol, I do not own this song and said piece has utilized this song without permission.

We’ll do it all
Everything
On our own
We don’t need
Anything
Or anyone
If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

“You’re really doing it?” She questioned me excitedly as we spoke on the phone that evening.

“Yep.” I stated firmly. “I'm really doing it. Baby I'm coming out to see you!” I said, the reality not having sunk in yet. “One week with you, can you believe it?” I asked excitedly. “And it will be during one of your absolute favorite times of the year.” I said proudly.

“So does this mean I can make you watch scary movies with me?” She asked, laughing an evil laugh.

“Only if you hold me close and keep me safe.” I said, loving the image that swirled about inside of my head. “God babe,” I sighed. “Theres so much I wanna do with you and to you and see while I'm out there. I wanna do everything you and I have ever wanted to do since we started talking on the damn computer and this phone! I wanna see it all and ...”

“Baby we will.” She assured me. “Believe me Casey I want you to see everything on my end and experience as much while you are here as you can.” She sighed, shifting in her bed. “I don't even know how we’ll fit it all into a week, but we will. I promise you that!” She stated firmly.

“Baby?” I started out nervously. “I know you’ve always been worried that we wont hit it off and whatever, baby what if you're right?” I asked. Suddenly fearing the worst.

“Casey,” She said, her voice soothing and calming. Her southern accent like music to my ears. “We’ll just take it as it comes. No expectations. Just know that right now. Tonight, before you get ready to come out and see me ...” Her voice changing and becoming low and seductive. “I want you, and need you.” She said on a whisper, causing me to gulp, feel tinglings between my thighs, and sigh.

******

I’ve always hated the thought of flying in an airplane. Quite honestly, most of the trips I had taken in my life time I had either been too young or too medicated to remember. This time I wanted to remember EVERYTHING. And, as the plane made its decent downward into the airport in Roanoke, Virginia, I let myself gaze out the window beside me. The greens, reds, golds and oranges of the trees and hills below were a breath taking sight. And at seeing busy streets, I was surprised. This was not the picture I had in my head. Feeling the bump of the wheels as the tires met the cement landing strip, my heart skipped a beat. Maybe it was because I had actually survived, or more than that ... Maybe it was because I knew she would be waiting for me, suddenly I felt nervous.

Thoughts consumed my head as the airplane touched down. “Would she like me?”, “Would I like her?”, “What would she think of me?”, “Would she be disappointed?”, “Would we kiss?” and of course ... “Would we make love?” Shaking the nervous thoughts aside I laughed inwardly and reminded myself. Liza is your girlfriend. Of course she is going to like you. More than that, she is in love with you crazy woman! You have been together for over 2 years. Content with my inward reassurance I stood up on my shaky legs and reached a trembling and sweaty hand in the over head compartment and grabbed my back pack. Slinging it over my shoulders, I took a step into the aisle and realized ... I HAD FORGOTTEN HOW TO WALK!!!! Taking a deep breath in and exhaling, I closed my eyes. Move Casey, just walk. I said to myself as I took a step forward.

I don’t quite know
How to say
How I feel

Those three words
Are said too much
They’re not enough

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Forget what we’re told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that’s bursting into life

Stepping into the airport, I saw her! She looked just like she did in the pictures and on her web cam. The only difference was, she was right in front of me. 5’3, with clear complected olive skin. Dressed in a North Carolina sweat suit, she had a round face and short spikey blonde hair. Her blue eyes sparkled out from behind her glasses as she looked my way. Slowly I made my way over to her and wrapped my arms around her. God she smells good! I thought breathing in her scent deeply. Better than I could ever imagine. My heart was racing. Everything felt as though it was moving in slow motion around us. Just her and I. God I wanted to kiss her deep and long and show her everything I had wanted to do for the past 2 years, but her friend was sitting a few steps away.

“What it do?” I asked nervously, trying to sound cool and calm, and hoping that she wouldn’t feel any awkward vibes.

“Hey.” She said, her smile beaming.

Her smile was even more amazing in person, and her voice. I was surprised at how soft it was in person, and how much more girly she sounded. I was relieved that she hadn't lost the twang in her accent. Hugging her again, I whispered in her ear, “I told you I would be here.” Pulling away, I smiled nervously. And stood taking her in. God I just wanted to touch her and be with her. How was it possible that I was that much more in love with her in just the few minutes I had stepped off the plane? I wondered. How was it she was even more amazing standing here in front of me?

“You wanna get your bags?” She asked, breaking my thoughts.

“Yea.” I answered quickly, hoping she couldn’t see the thoughts I had ... hoping to God I wasn't showing too much of my feelings.

“Yall wanna get her bags?” A voice said from behind Liza. The woman was slender, and had a Dolly Parton sounding voice. Dressed in tight jeans and a t-shirt, and flats, she looked to be about 40-ish. She had long blonde hair, hazel eyes. Her lips were full and red. And her skin milky white.

“Oh ... “ Liza said remembering her friend was with her. “Casey this is Melody, Mel ... Casey.”

Extending my hand to Melody’s I smiled. She had soft hands, dainty hands. “Yea, I would have known her from her pic too.”

We walked through the throngs of people, Melody snapped our pictures continuously, as we made our way to the conveyor circles, talking easily and comfortably as though we weren’t seeing each other for the first time face to face. Kiss her! Dammit Casey take her in your arms and kiss her! I thought to myself as we stood waiting for my bags. She smells so damn good you know you want to jump her bones here and now!

“How was your flight?” She asked, her voice breaking my thoughts yet again.

“Um, it was better than I thought it would be.” I gulped down. God Casey you want her! You NEED her! Just jump her bones! I thought again, trying to ignore that feeling deep down inside of me. “The take off and the landings are always the worst part for me.” I stated. “But I got here in one piece so I'm glad.” I smiled sweetly.

“Me too.” She smiled and took my hand in hers. Her long fingers looping in mine, calming all my nervous fears.

Let’s waste time
Chasing cars
Around our heads

I need your grace
To remind me
To find my own

“How’s the bath?” Liza asked, knocking on the door, and peeking her head inside.

“It feels great!” I said, pulling the curtain closed slightly, feeling shy and awkward as I heard her enter the bathroom.

“You don't mind that I'm in here do you?” She asked nervously, closing the lid on the toilet and sitting down.

“No.” I said, my voice cracking. Yes! Get out get out! Liza I'm pock marked and acne scarred. I'm a monster. I don't want you to see me, and be turned off. I don't want you to think I'm disgusting. Leave now cause you’ll hate what you see. I heard myself saying it. Everything in me wanted to scream it. I felt myself shift in the water and pull the curtain closed that much more.

“No!” She said, leaning over and putting her hand on mine. “Let me see you? Let me wash you?” She asked.

I sat frozen, unsure of what to do. Looking down at my naked self, I sat frightened knowing of the horror she would see once she pulled back the curtain. Hell I hadn't even shaved yet I ran a hand over the slight stubble. That's what you get for reading Cosmo. You don't want to have sex on the first date don't shave. Yea she's really gonna go gaga over you stupid!

“Casey please?” She asked, her voice sounding almost hurt.

Its not you. I promise. Its me, don't you get that Liza? Don't you get it at all. I want you to see me. I just don't want you to be repulsed by what you see. I don't want you to be disgusted at the site I see everyday. Lowing my head, I let her pull open the curtain. I shifted uncomfortably, pulled my knees close to me, tried to hide my naked acne covered back, and chest. I let my gaze wander to anywhere but her. I didn’t want to see a look of repulsion in her eyes. I sat quietly looking down, as I handed her my wash cloth. Closed my eyes as she began lathering my body. It seemed like an eternity before it was finally over. Before she left the room. Climbing out of the tub, I began to dry off. Standing in front of the mirror I wept silently.

I walked out of the bathroom quietly, still feeling like the beast from the old fable. I saw her sitting in a chair at a table in our hotel room. Walking over and sitting on the edge of the bed, I pulled my socks on over my feet. Although I was clothed, I still felt very much naked and exposed. Scooting up on my bed, I grabbed the remote hoping for some image to erase the shame I kept seeing in my own head. I let my self delve into the evening news, yet I could feel her eyes boring into me. Crawling up beside me, she finally spoke, trying her hardest to make me feel better. Again linking her hand in mine.

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Forget what we’re told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that’s bursting into life

All that I am
All that I ever was
Is here in your perfect eyes, they’re all I can see

I don’t know where
Confused about how as well
Just know that these things will never change for us at all

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Watching her as her eyes fluttered closed, slowly drifting asleep, I let my hand roam up and down her back. I felt her squirm, then heard her laugh lightly when I found a ticklish spot. I heard her sigh when she relaxed.

“Do you want me to stop?” I asked, knowing that if I kept doing this I would want to take and give more.

“No.” She replied, her voice relaxed and sleep filled.

“Ok.” I responded, again letting my hand run over her back. Feeling her body rise and fall with each breath she took. Slowly I let my hand run under her t shirt. I felt her smooth skin, let my hand knead and caress it. “Do you want me to stop?” I asked again. wanting so much to feel more of her. Hoping she would give me more.

“No baby,” She said, her voice in a dream like state of speech. “You’re all good.” She breathed slowly, as my hand roamed up and down over her back, my fingers skimming skillfully under the hemline of her boxers and back up, slowly moving up and over her sides. I felt her shift closer to me. I froze. “Don't quit.” She said, knowing my thought before I could speak it. I continued my motion over her skin running my hand all over, feeling the heat of her body under my fingers. Letting my hand run over her side moved it up over her bra covered breast. Letting my thumb skim over her nipple, I felt it grow hard. I heard her suck in a breath. I moved my hand back down over her back then bringing it again slowly up and over to her breast again.

I was nervous, and scared and excited all at once it seemed. I didn’t know what was about to happen, yet I knew what I hoped would. Should I make the first move? Will it scare her off? God I need more. I WANT her so much. I let my hand continue its innocent foreplay on her back, sides and her breast, waiting for a sign. Again she shifted. My hand pulled away, as she sat up beside me and skillfully slipped out of her bra, before laying back down beside me leaning her back to me. Slowly and nervously I slipped my hand back under her shirt. Moving my fingers up and down over her back and sides, enjoying the feel of her. Loving hearing as she inhaled deeply as my fingers skimmed the side of her breast, feeling as she grabbed my hand and placed it on her breast, and as she turned on her back to me.

This is it. I thought. I am about to make love to Liza Marie Blanchett for the first time. God I want it to be special and memorable. Don't rush it. I reminded myself as I leaned over her and kissed her slowly. Letting her feel my lips over hers. I let my hand slide down to her breast molding it and cupping it and let myself play with her nipple, as the kiss changed direction. I felt her body arch under my palm. Pulling back I watched her. Let my eyes wash over her face.

“Do you want me to stop?” I asked, wanting to be sure. Not wanting to rush her or pressure her or make her feel this was something that had to be done.

“No.” She panted out. “Casey don't stop.” She said arching her chest into me. Kissing her again I let my tongue slip past her lips and dance with hers. Pulling back once more I watched her.

“I love you.” I said. wanting her to know that for me this was more than just some week-long fling, that it was important to me. Silence filled the room. Maybe she didn’t hear me? I thought to myself. “Liza, I love you.” I said again. “I love you, I love you, I love you.” I repeated over and over to her. Waiting for something. Say it back Liza, say it back so I know this means as much to you as it does to me. I thought to myself. I know it hasn’t been easy, things with you and I. Just say it Liza Marie. I need for you to say it. I need to hear it. I let myself look into her eyes, and drown in the seas of them. I felt her breath on my face, scared and unsure, but full of longing. Here with her below me felt more right than anything in my life ever had. I had been with others, but for me she was the one that fit. She was the one that made my future clear.

“I love you too Casey.” She whispered to me. “Make love to me?” She asked. And I obliged. Tender and sweet. My hands caressed, and rubbed her heated skin.I tasted lips, breasts ... every inch of her. Am I dreaming? Is this really happening? I wondered inwardly. When I slipped my middle finger inside of her, I could have died then and gone to heaven. Hearing her moan and seeing her body writhe and buck beneath me when I found a spot that she enjoyed, and the look on her face when she came. It was indescribable. Our bodies tangled together awkwardly at times, as we rolled over the bed in that hotel room. Seeing her above me, made me melt. So many times in so many conversations she told me she had thoughts of being “the man”, and in an instant she was. She had the control and now it was her turn to touch and taste and tease.

******

Looking back 10 years and 1 child later, I don't remember how many times we made love that night. I remember the feeling of seeing her for the first time a year later when I moved to Virginia and seeing that same old look in her eyes. A look that told me that I would always be the only one for her, no matter the distance. I remember the feel of her arms around me, and the taste of her lips and the feel of her skin when she offered herself yet again to me in the most intimate of ways. And, what I remember, even more so on nights like these when I am sitting here in bed, tapping away at the keys on my lap top, and her snoring filling the room as I work on my next article is how I felt afterwards when I leaned over and kissed her forehead, and watched her fall asleep. And as our son Cole Avery Blanchett climbs into bed with us because he had a nightmare, as we both wrap our arms around him and snuggle up tight as a family, I thank whatever God there is, for one fateful night in a chatroom. I thank Him for the trials and tribulations Liza and I had to go through to get to where we are today. In a world with far too many casualties of long distance relationships via today's wonderful world of technology, Liza and I are survivors. Taking a leap of faith and moving out here with her is something I will never regret. And in moments like tonight, when I sit counting my blessings in life, I have to say a big thank you to whatever God, for bringing these two beautiful people into my life.

If you have enjoyed Carrie Walker's "Chasing Cars", then please be certain to e-mail her at  carrie_walker76[at]hotmail.com  and thank her for posting this Story.

Click here for a list of all of Carrie Walker's  Stories and Poetry at  Sapphic Voices Authoresses.