Sapphic Voices General Fiction

A Lover’s Choice

It was a bitter and sweet sadness that took her. She had lost before but never this way, she had never loved like this, and when her lover died she had felt her sorrow compound with grief to put her in the deepest of depressions.

She mourned her lover with every fiber of her soul, and missed her sweet smile and gentle disposition. It was worse than any break up or other pain she had felt. She decided that she couldn’t live without her lover so she chose to die.

The first attempt was haphazard and incomplete, she took the pills and thought she would just fall asleep, she hadn’t expected the gut wrenching pain and ill feeling that accompanied the pain like a shadow accompanied the light.

They put her in the hospital and made her promise not to try that again, so she didn’t. This time she slashed her wrists and watched as the blood flowed from the cuts on her arms. As she bled she knew a contentment.

“What are you doing lover?” The voice asked as she drifted near the edge of consciousness.

“I am coming to join you, I will be there in a little while.” She answered, smiling in her contentment.

“But why, this isn’t your time, you have so much left to do in this world.” Her lover told her, concern tinged her words.

“But I miss you so much, I can’t bear to be without you. When you left you took the best part of me.” She said simply, tearfully.

“Why do you think this will make a difference, I am always with you no matter what.”

“I miss your smell, your touch, I miss being with you, hearing your voice and that little laugh you had. I miss you so much.”

“And what makes you think it will be any different now that you are dead? You can never be with me that way again, for it is over forever in this lifetime. In death we won’t be reunited in that way.”

“But I will be with you, be able to tell you how much I love you. I will be able to hear you laugh again beside me.” She almost sobbed, she put one bleeding hand up to her face and touched the tears that flowed from her eyes.

“Listen to me, for this is important. Your life isn’t meant to be finished like this. If you succeed you will only have to live this life over again, until you fulfill what you must in this lifetime. We won’t be together, we will be further apart.”

“What are you saying, I feel you closer to me now than before. I want to be with you."

“And you will, in the fullness of time. I am sorry I died, it was not something I would have chosen for myself if I had a choice.

“But you have a choice. If you want to be with me you have to choose to live. We can never be apart unless you split us apart by doing something like this.”

“What are you saying?”

“That we are together, as long as you remember me, as long as you live we will be together in your mind. You are not supposed to die, that is not the way. You must choose to live.”

“But I am tired of being alone, tired of the crying and the grief. Why can’t I choose to join you in death, if I can’t have you in life anymore?”

"Because we will never be together again except as long as you live and remember me. If you die now you cut a thread that unravels a future in which you should be. You will have to go back and try and repair that unraveling. We will not be together. I want to be with you, and I am, for as long as you love me. But you have to be alive to love me.”

“But it is so hard to choose that. It is hard to choose the pain and misery, to continue an existence where you are not present.” Blood mingled with the tears as her dripping wound touched her cheek.

“You must be strong, and you must choose the right path. For my memory I want you to call the ambulance, this can’t be your ending, you must be alive to love me, and I will continue as long as you love me. Please call them now.” Her lover pleaded with her.

She reached clumsily for the phone.

“Then it is good-bye and hello again. For I shall always love you and never forget you.” She said as she dialed 911.

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