Sapphic Voices General Fiction

Their Final Breakup

"Hmm...why is it I have a closet full of clothes but I can't find anything to wear," Gabby mused aloud as she hung onto the closet door's knob and leaned back, swinging side to side. The hinges finally squealed their protest and she hastily let go.

Kate was sprawled out on their bed, nibbling a fingernail and thinking mostly about the frenzied farewell sex they had just finished up. God she was a tigress. Kate hadn't felt this good since...since... well the last time they had sex of course. She grinned lazily at her lover, who returned the smile, although a little more nervously. Kate didn't blame her. She was heading out to Missouri for a church trip of some sorts. Gabby didn't travel much, and Kate too was rather worried about Gabby going.

"Just toss in a few pairs of jeans and then a shirt for each day, babe. You look great in anything."

Gabby giggled, then picked a shirt off the floor and studied it. After a quick sniff and spot-inspection, it was declared to be clean and tossed into her duffel bag.

"Got your toothbrush?"

"Yep."

"Deodorant?"

"Yep."

"A kiss for me?" Kate had dragged herself off the bed to rest her head on Gabby's shoulder, and nibbled playfully at her ear.

"You dork." She shrugged Kate off but obliged her with a kiss. "Oh! PJ's!" She gave Kate another quick kiss and dashed past to the bureau. After rummaging in one of the drawers for a few seconds her hands surfaced holding some blindingly orange terrycloth shorts and a ratty t-shirt which were stuffed inside her bag.

"You should really consider a full-length nightgown, with sleeves, and buttons up to the neck. I don't trust those sexually repressed Christian boys."

Gabby sighed heavily. "Kate, why do we even see each other?"

"Or a lacy black number that's see through so I can see your breasts and a matching thong and garter..." Kate trailed off, licking her lips theatrically. She finally noticed Gabby's cautious expression and, thinking she had done something to upset the poor girl, finished with, "Just ignore me and stick with the shorts and shirt, babe."

"Kate, why do we see each other?"

An alarm bell began ringing inside Kate's head, but she couldn't exactly jump out the window to avoid this conversation. Besides, maybe Gabs was just being whimsical or nostalgic. "Because...I like to be around you."

"Why?" Gabby pushed on, "What are we?"

Kate struggled for a word. "Friends? Past lovers and maybe future loves?"

"I don't think I like this, Katie."

"Then don't wear it." She knew what Gabby was talking about, but she'd fight to keep the conversation light and comedic and hopefully distract Gabby. Just like she'd been doing for months, every time they began heading in this direction. It had sort of worked so far, but it seemed it wasn't going to this time, judging from Gabby's look.

"I'm not referring to these," she shook the jeans in her hands before folding them up and tucking them away in the bag.

Kate dropped like a stone onto the bed where just an hour ago they had been as close as two people could physically be. "I knew that," her voice was that of someone who knew they had lost a fight before it even began. "I just didn't want you to say I had to stop coming around."

"I know, babe." Gabby perched herself on the other side of the bed, fingering the fringe on a decorative pillowcase. "But I don't think I can do this. It isn't your fault but... It's mine. It has been the whole time since you broke up with me--"

"I didn't want to break up with you," Kate said, hoping for an opportunity to break Gabby off before she really got started. Maybe win her back for a little longer with words of affection. But it wouldn't be, Gabby shushed her and continued speaking.

"But you did! And you moved on, even though I tried to make myself believe you didn't want to and that you'd never really break up with me. That we were just in lieu, until we could be together again. But you moved on, and since I realized that, I've been telling myself he didn't matter. But he does. I keep saying you're really mine, and you aren't."

"I haven't moved on, that's why I keep trying to be with you." Kate felt like she was drowning, and her lifeguard was only a few feet away, but could do nothing but stare sadly at her and twiddle with that god damn pillow.

"You love him, Katie."

"Well...yes, but not in our way," she fumbled desperately to explain the difference.

"What are you trying to accomplish?"

Kate rubbed at her temples while she thought about that question. She was trying to make sure she was surrounded by the two people who would always love her no matter what. In case the man she was with left her, she wouldn't be alone and could run straight into the arms of her angel, her goddess. But that would mean she was basically making Gabby wait around until she was convenient. God, she was such a selfish bitch. But how could she tell this to Gabby in a way that didn't sound so awful?

"I'm just trying to accomplish to not be lonely and keep the people I love by me."

"But you know that isn't going to work."

Ah, the truth. Something that kept shoving its way into Kate's wishes and dreams and trying to ruin them. But she'd fight against it like a crazy woman. "Yes it will! It has so far and it will."

"It isn't."

Kate broke, and she scurried across the bed to snuggle Gabby from behind again, resting her head against her neck, breathing in the fresh, clean scent of her soft brown hair. But instead of melting back into Kate's arms and their fantasy world, she continued sitting with her back straight, hardly breathing.

"It hurts too much to be working, though."

"Just shut up, I don't care, don't go away," Kate murmured into Gabby's hair.

"You have your husband, you don't need me. And you'll be better off without me."

Kate knew what Gabby really meant, that she'd be better off without her and her baggage. But Kate didn't care, she was a woman who was slowly being swept away from shore by the strong currents of the ocean. She knew soon she'd lose sight of her lifeguard if she didn't fight the current.

"You're not leavin me, Gabs!" Kate clung to her tighter, drawing her legs up so they too were touching Gabby.

"You wouldn't even care about me if you weren't with him!"

"Yes I would! I'd be with you if I wasn't already married to him."

"But you are married to him." Gabby's voice was cracking, but she hadn't shed any tears yet. That was good, if she did Kate would be helpless and would do whatever Gabby wanted. Like break up her relatively happy home to be with Gabby.

"I don't like where this conversation is going. Maybe I shouldn't have made that crack about the nightgown." It was a last ditch attempt, although a weak one, at some sort of humor.

"There comes a time Kate, when people just have to give up and deal with what they have in life."

"Nuh-uh, not going to happen, so stop." She stuck her lip out petulantly and nuzzled Gabby's neck.

"Fine!" Gabby stood up so suddenly that Kate nearly fell off the bed, but pushed herself up using the nightstand. Gabby didn't even glance at Kate and began pacing. "Live your double life, and I'll stop pretending that you're still my sweet angel."

"Damn it!" Kate pressed a hand to her chest, a disturbed look on her face. When she was anxious often her heart would start beating too quickly for a second or two. Side effect of her medication. Nothing serious but she was hoping to gain a little sympathy from Gabby. "My heart started flinging again. Or whatever the hell it does. See, woman? You're going to give me a heart attack." She finished with a dirty look.

"Oh go ahead and fucking glare--"

"I shall!"

"I didn't fuck us up!"

Kate's heart calmed down, and she crossed her arms childishly. "I didn't mean to."

"I'm sure you don't mean to do a lot of things."

Kate tossed herself among the pile of pillows on the bed and closed her eyes so she wouldn't have to see her darling pacing the tiny room and looking upset. After a minute or so the sound of her steps ceased, and Kate felt the bed sink a little.

"Katie?" Gabs' voice was infinitely softer and drained. "Do you at least understand me?"

"Yes. I understand you," Kate's whine was muffled because of the pillows obscuring her mouth. She rolled over. "I've been trying not to though. Because it means acknowledging I'm an awful person who keeps trying to cling to someone who obviously doesn't want me."

Gabby patted Kate's leg stiffly. "I want so much to be friends, but I can't do it."

"Why?"

"Because to me you're so much more than my friend."

The comment cooled Kate's anger, and she smiled inwardly. Gabby was the sweetest woman; as sweet as marzipan as it melted on your tongue. She was so pure and untouchable, but warm at the same time. How could she live without her? "I just want you, I know it doesn't make sense. But I've never been a logical person, I run on emotion and whims."

"Oh you were logical once. You wooed me with words and ideas and your voice and your dreams." Gabby managed a wry smile aimed at the blank space above Kate's head.

"Great...I guess I'm not as good as I once was. But I've always meant well towards you, darling."

Gabby didn't say anything as she got up and finished packing. She managed to avoid looking anywhere in the room but at Kate. Finally she put in a few pairs of socks and zipped the bag up. She studied the zipper with the greatest curiosity for awhile, obviously trying to figure out what she was going to say. Kate stared at Gabby's downcast eyes, wet with tears, and waited for the ax to fall.

"I'll call you when I get to Missouri. But it will be the last time, Kate."

Kate nodded, and the frantic feelings she had earlier dissipated. Gabby might say that, and Kate would humor her, but eventually Gabby would come back to be with her. And she'd hold her tightly and never let go again. That was how it had happened the last times Gabby had tried to distance herself from Kate. She always came back. Sure, some might say Kate was in denial. She probably was. But it didn't matter at the moment.

Gabby shared a look with Kate, looking rather nervous like a pupil before its teacher. She cleared her throat, then whispered hesitantly, "Will you spend the night with me once more, before I go? I want to remember the scent of your skin."

Kate patted the empty space on the bed next to her and Gabby pulled the light switch. As they came together in the dark, she knew that they would be together like this again, eventually. That's how it always happened.

If you have enjoyed Britta Laveshe's "Their Final Breakup", then please be certain to e-mail her at  gi_prophet[at]hotmail.com  and thank her for posting this Story.

Click here for a list of all of Britta Laveshe's Stories and Poetry at  Sapphic Voices Authoresses.

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