Sapphic Voices General Fiction

Girl

Part 2

Nothing. I have nothing. I lay awake at night, staring at my ceiling. Thinking, this place I am in, I can never leave it. Frozen into myself. It didn’t work. She didn’t want me. She left me cold and alone, pawing at the shards of my heart. Why? I don’t even know. She wanted me, she did want me. She didn’t leave in one abrupt moment. It was like a slow trickle of water down the side of a cup that doesn’t quite make it to the bottom before drying up. She merely said she couldn’t do this right now. Be with me? Be in love? Be wonderful? Yes, that’s something we should all avoid! Then we just chatted nonchalantly like strangers, until we stopped speaking altogether. The whole situation has left me with nightmarish feelings. I question love, over and over again. Do you believe in soul mates? I want to so more than anything. To believe that all this wanting, waiting isn’t for not. I have gotten over her, as a person, but not the feeling of loneliness. I feel as though, perhaps despite the fact that I thought she was perfect for me, there is someone better. That’s only on a good day however. Often, I feel as though there is no one person that is good for you. It’s whoever you like and that likes you back, and whoever you can make it work with. That scares me. I know you can be with a lot of people if you work at it. I don’t want to work at it. I want it to come so naturally. So easy. Of course I’ll have to work at it, but not in the self-sacrificing way I have done in the past. It all seems so simple to me. Perhaps all the suffering I have endured is preparing me for something. Preparing me for when she comes to me. HA! I am so typical, so normal. Is there one person in this world that doesn’t want this? How many people actually get it? Why would I be so lucky? What have I done? Perhaps brooded over it more than the average person, nothing more. I use to think there was one person in the whole entire world for someone. And when you are not with them your heart physically aches. That’s what true love is, the end of the pain. Will I ever be able to shake these feelings? Should I want to?

If you have enjoyed AlyssaJane's "Girl - Part 2", then please be certain to e-mail her at  geri_60[at]hotmail.com  and thank her for posting this Story.

Click here for a list of all of AlyssaJane's Stories and Poetry at  Sapphic Voices Authoresses.

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