Sapphic Voices General Fiction

It's Not Just Men

My name is Julie Meredith I live in London UK. I have been an out Lesbian for 7 years, a late developer coming out at the age of 36. I have only had 2 relationships with Women, my current one and the one on which this Story is based.

This is a Story from an anthology of short Stories and poems that I am compiling. It is about the great unspoken subject of Lesbian relationships, physical abuse. The Story is based on an actual event and the feeling, thoughts and emotions that I was going through at the time.

I would welcome any comment and advice any of you may have for me. My email address is: julie.meredith[at]virgin.net.

"Would you mind telling me how you got here," the receptionist asked, "For our records that's all."

Joolz looked confused, felt confused, "I'm not sure," she replied, "my heads kinda fuzzy don't seem to be able to remember." She looked around wondering where she was, it didn't look familiar. It wasn't like a hospital it was just a room with a desk a few chairs and no phone now that was strange for an office.

"That's OK," the woman said, "it often happens to people when they arrive. Sit down," she indicated, "we'll chat about it."

Joolz sat and thought trying to remember what had happened, why and how she got here. Her mind raced back to the previous night, a normal Saturday night. Getting ready to go out to the club with Dana. Dana talking about the people they were going to see and Joolz half listening half trying to quell the sick feeling in her stomach. She got this every time they went out, that's why she didn't go out that often any more. It was less hassle to stay in, safer. Tonight she had to go, it was Karen's birthday and she had promised she would. She looked forward to seeing the others but there was something stopping her really enjoying it.

"What's up," asked Dana, "you're not going to duck out now, remember you did promise."

"No I'm still going, just a bit nervous, it's just been so long since I've been out that's all."

Dana shrugged it off and carried on getting ready; it always took her ages. Not a hair out of place clothes perfect, not a crease. She made sure of that by watching over Joolz's shoulder whilst she ironed her stuff. Pointing out when things weren't right. Joolz was always ready first and had to wait for her.

Nine o'clock came and it was time to leave, they had to meet the others at nine thirty. They hardly spoke to each other as they walked to the pub but just before they walked it Dana said, "I do hope you are going to behave yourself tonight and not wind me up." Joolz's stomach lurched and heart froze, why couldn't she go out and just enjoy herself? She'd be on tenterhooks all night now wondering if she had said or done something wrong.

Karen, Gill, Mel and Gillian were already there when they went in and they were greeted by cries of "you're late again. You two are always late."

"Well don't look at me," Dana said, "You know these fems they can never get ready on time. It really pisses me off too. I have to sit around waiting for it to beautify herself." They all laughed, even Joolz; it wasn't worth saying anything.

After about an hour in the pub they left for the club. Dana had already had quite a bit to drink and when she hit the fresh air her walking became a bit wobbly. Joolz had already had all the barracking about not drinking but she took no notice. She didn't want to drink and that was it, no one would get her to drink, no matter what they'd say about being unsociable and being a party pooper. She knew what drink could do and she just could not bring herself to do it anymore. The walk to the club took them fifteen minutes and they all chatted and laughed as they walked. Every so often Joolz could feel Dana's eyes boring into her, mostly when she talked to either Karen or Gillian, she tried not to take any notice but she felt herself shudder inside.

By the time they got to the club it was already quite full, music blasting, the kind of music Joolz liked to dance to. Maybe tonight would be good. They got their drinks, Joolz stuck to water as it was so hot inside there but Dana switched to scotch and Joolz's heart froze again. Mel grabbed Joolz and yelled over to Dana "You don't mind if I borrow your girlfriend for a dance do you?" Dana waved her approval to Mel but threw Joolz a warning look. Dancing always made Joolz forget, she'd loose herself in the music, be in a world of her own oblivious to anything else going on around her. She danced without stopping. First with Mel then Gill, Karen and Gillian then back with Mel again. She never danced with Dana because Dana didn't like dancing; something to do with her having two left feet and absolutely no sense of rhythm. Which got worse after she'd had a few drinks.

All too soon the evening was over, Joolz had had a good time and she was on a high from all the music and dancing. She was chatting to all the others she didn't notice Dana standing in the background just looking at her; maybe she just didn't want to see her. As they left the club Joolz did notice that Dana's walking was very shaky now and she was muttering to herself but Joolz just hoped she'd had enough to drink to just fall asleep when they got back home. She'd soon find out.

"Come on we'll go this way," Dana slurred and yanked Joolz away from the others. She yelled and waved goodbye as Dana dragged her off.

"You OK Joolz?" yelled Mel after her, "you want me to come with you?"

"No we'll be fine," Dana barked back. Joolz had an idea that Mel knew what had been happening over the past few years but didn't know what to do or how to help. She was also a bit afraid of Dana so wouldn't push that much.

Dana dragged her all the way home, not talking directly to her but muttering under her breath. She stank of scotch and kept tripping over herself; Joolz had to try not to giggle at that. If only people knew what idiots they look when they have too much to drink, Joolz was glad she didn't drink.

Inside the flat was warm and Joolz was now feeling very tired, it had been a hard week at work. She had not long started her first full time teaching post and was still getting used to it. "I'm going to bed, I'm tired," she said softly.

"Like fuck you are!" shouted Dana. "What do you think you were up to tonight? Acting a right little slapper dancing with everyone."

As Joolz turned to face her she felt Dana's fist embed itself in her stomach, she fell to the floor. Next it was the boot slamming into her. First her chest and stomach then her back and backside. Dana learnt whilst Joolz was doing supply teaching that if she hit her in the face then Joolz couldn't work and would not get paid. Dana liked Joolz's money seeing as how she was unemployed and showed no inclination towards getting a job.

Joolz never fought back she always thought it was safer to just take it and get it over with but tonight something snapped. Maybe it was she was more confident since getting this job, less reliant on Dana, she didn't know but she kicked out at Dana's legs knocking her down to the floor. Dana fell hard but the drink obviously had numbed any pain for she leapt over to Joolz pinning her to the floor. Joolz had never seen Dana so angry; she looked possessed and started to pound her fists into Joolz's face. Soon Joolz lost consciousness so she didn't know how long it went on for or how long she was out.

Joolz felt something cold on her face and she opened her eyes as much as she could. Dana was bathing her face with a damp cloth, cleaning off the blood.

"I'm sorry," she said softly, "you shouldn't wind me up. You shouldn't make me angry. I wouldn't do it if you didn't make me angry."

Joolz had heard this all before, she used to believe it but not anymore. Things had changed, she had changed. Joolz now knew that Fuzz, a friend from university, had been right after all. She didn't have to put up with this, it wasn't her fault, and she had done nothing wrong. Dana was the one with the problem not her.

Joolz often wondered how she had ever qualified as a teacher, Dana had obstructed her in every way she could think of, she couldn't work at home, she couldn't stay late at college and she certainly couldn't talk about what she'd done at college. The subject was strictly forbidden. The day before the first time she took her final exams was the worst. It was the severest beating that Dana had ever given, she could only open one eye slightly and the side of her face looked as if she'd had a black blue and purple football attached to it. The lecturers didn't want her to take the exams but she had to try she couldn't waste four years and have to sit the year again. Of course she failed and had to sit the year again anyway, that was no surprise. The following year it was almost exactly the same except that Joolz rolled herself into a ball and covered her head so she had bruises all over her body but no concussion.

Joolz pushed Dana away, stood up, swayed a bit and said, "I've had enough this time I'm leaving."

She went towards the door but Dana wasn't going to let her go, not without a fight. Dana grabbed Joolz and slammed her face into the door. Joolz couldn't help thinking why she had left Paul, her husband, for this. Ok she didn't love him, she was a lesbian but he never hit her. Surely not all lesbian relationships were like this, if she got out of the door maybe Joolz would get a chance to find out. Maybe find someone who could accept her for what she was and accept her kids as well. Dana always counted them as rivals for Joolz's affections and tried to cut them out of Joolz's life.

"Let me go," Joolz screamed but Dana just twisted her around and held her against the door.

"Never," Dana spat back at her; "you'll never leave me. I'll never let you."

"You just watch me," Joolz said with more determination than she knew she had in her, "You just watch." She struggled to try and get free and started to free herself from Dana's grasp.

Dana was not to be beaten and she grabbed Joolz's throat encircling it with her hand, thumbs pressing hard on her windpipe. Joolz tried to scream but nothing could come out the grip was too tight. She tried to prise Dana's hands off her but she only tightened her grip. Joolz started to feel dizzy it was if she were slipping in and out of consciousness things started to go black and she can remember thinking, "I haven't said goodbye to my children." She felt a tear fall down her cheek then nothing. Nothing at all until she woke up here but where was here she still didn't know.

"They've said goodbye to you," the receptionist said gently bring Joolz back to the here and now with a jolt.

"How did you know about that?" Joolz asked, "I was only thinking it to myself."

"Oh we can hear even thoughts here," the receptionist smiled. "Now we know how you got here you can pass through." She ushered Joolz towards a door. Joolz hesitated.

"There's nothing to be afraid of," she said gently, "no one will hurt you here."

Somehow Joolz knew she could trust her smiled and walked through the door.

If you have enjoyed Julie Meredith's "It's Not Just Men", then please be certain to e-mail her at  julie.meredith[at]virgin.net  and thank her for posting this Story.

Click here for a list of all of Julie Meredith's  Stories and Poetry at  Sapphic Voices Authoresses.