Sapphic Voices General Fiction

The Long Good-bye

"Oh my god, it's the cops!" I said in a low tone so that the officers at the door couldn't hear. I was trying hard not to lose my balance as she tried to slip my tennis shoes on. Sara looked at me with a fearful expression. "I'm gonna get in so much trouble for this, Jennifer. I can't go to jail!"

"What? You aren't going to jail, Sara. She can't do that." I said, slightly irritated at her comments. "How did they find me here?" I really already knew how. My mother was in tight with the sheriff and he had his ways of finding people.

"Do something...anything...hide in the closet!" Sara was frantic. She's 22, I'm 17, it's not exactly legal be with someone under age, but it's not exactly legal either to be with another woman; in society's eye. My mother saw that and used it against us. My mother always takes news badly; especially the news that I'm gay.

They knocked on the door but not like a normal person would. He knocked hard and loud. "This is the police...we just have a few questions for you." It was like I had been holding my breath for ten minutes straight. I was short of breath and I could feel my face changing color from a soft tan to bright red. I began to shake.

"Just a sec, let me unlock the door..." She yelled in the coolest voice she could manufacture. She turned and shooed me in her closet, then answered the door. I was amazed at her coolness given the moment.

"Have you seen this girl?" a short and stubby officer asked her in a very condescending manner while showing my picture. "Her mother tells me you've been helping her skip school and teaching her things she ought not be taught."

"No, officer. I haven't heard from her." she told the officer. She tried to sound as sweet as she could. I bet she was real scared even though she didn't show it. "I would love to know what's going on, though. I haven't heard from her since the day before she ran away..."

The tall one interrupted, "What did she tell you? Did she tell you where she was going?" He seemed very irritated. He paused, "...how did you know she ran away?"

"I know some people there at her school. No she didn't tell me anything either. Everything was normal the day I spoke to her. She was never happy at home, though." she paused. "...her mother treated her very...I don't know...like a low-life." she paused again and tried a more chipper voice. "She would have told me everything if she was planning it. Maybe something happened at home that made her run off... I'm worried sick." she sounded sincere about that. She always seemed upset when I told her things about my home life, like the time mom came into my room and trashed it because I said "freakin". My older brother wasn't exactly a riot, either. He gave me a tough time when it came to how I dealt with problems with my mother. If I didn't show respect, he'd bully it out of me. I remember once he cornered me and told me to behave for mom or else I'd have two broken legs and a colostomy bag. I never understood why he backed her up. She gave him hell too.

I ran to the closest in her bedroom and sat behind a Tupperware tub for storage. There were clothes stacked on top of that too. Plus, I covered myself with stacks of extra blankets. I couldn't have been seen, but I was shaky anyway. The cops were looking for me! I didn't think my mother would care if I ran off, since she didn’t care about anything else I did. My schooling, my social life and all that never meant anything to her. She was always mad at me about something. This would have never happened if she hadn't said I couldn't see her anymore. This is her fault! I can't stay away from her, she means too much to me! What is she thinking?

I heard the door finally shut and the dead bolt being locked in place. I was frozen. I couldn't move an inch, not even to save my life. What is she going to do to Sara? Am I going to have a place to live? Is my church going to abandon me? This was too much. I couldn't take it. I started to cry and the closet door opened.

"How in gay hell are we going to fix this? This is crazy Jennifer. I could go to jail. This is aiding a run-away..." she trailed off. I couldn't concentrate on what she was saying. She moved the stack of electric blankets and sheets. "Are you listening to me?" She looked at me and saw how upset I was. "Oh geez, you ok? Don't cry babe." She stopped and looked at me. I was miserable and she could see it plain as day. "How can anyone grow up to be a good person in that type of household and those parents! They are terrible, they treat you like shit, better yet, like a dog that they can just shoo away whenever they please. Sometimes I wish I could whisk you away from all of this, and I could support you and give you everything you need, whether it be love or just food and clothes..." she stopped again and sighed. "You don't need all of this. Don't worry, I'll get you away from it all." She moved over the hanging clothes on the rack, pushed the tub over and helped me up. As soon as I stood up I hugged her so tight. I didn't want to let go. She was the best thing in my life and I needed her love and affection. I think I needed it more than air. I cried on her shoulder.

"You have no idea how much you mean to me. You couldn't have come at a better time," I said looking straight in her eyes. I had never been so serious in all my life.

"It's destiny. It has to be." She kissed me softly and passionately and then continued. "We need to get out of here. Let's get some stuff together and just go."

"I do need to get away." I paused and looked her in the eyes with the most sincere and concerned look. "You'd take me? But Sara, you might-"

She knew what I was going to say. " I know I could go to jail, but you are more important. You are going to be torn down if you stay at that house with those people any longer." She said that with such conviction; I began to cry again, but I quickly calmed myself down and helped Sara get things together.

We spent the next hour gathering things for a short trip. We gathered clothes, bath stuff and all that was important to us; our letters. That was how our relationship started. We would write each other long letters and we would plan how we could finally be together without anyone telling us no. Those letters were dear to us. The letters were, at one time, our only contact since my mother wouldn’t let me see her or even let me go to work because she knew Sara would be there. But this is what we wanted more than anything. This was what we’ve waited so long for. This was a major changing point in our lives and we have it all on paper. It's priceless.

When I left home two days earlier, I ran in order to get to Sara's apartment quick enough. Her apartment was about two miles away from my parent's house, and she lived in the upper part of an old, but well kept house in a nice neighborhood. It was an early Saturday morning and raining. The temperature had to be in the thirties. I was freezing, wet, and cold. When I got there, my make-up was running down my face as I shook there on her stoop. She answered, and without hesitation or question, she swept me inside and dried my hair with a soft towel. She seems to always do sweet things for me, and she makes even the most common of things romantic and full of affection. She made me breakfast and I ate some eggs and toast as she drilled me with questions.

"Mom found out about me skipping school and she didn't even want to know why. She didn't care I was over worked with all of these damn advanced classes and homework coming out the ass." Then I proceeded to tell her about the fight mom and I had. "It was horrible. She called me a dyke and a cunt-licker and all of those names we lesbians are often called by the closed minded and ignorant." She hit the floor when I told her what she'd said about her. "'She's nothing but a bitch who can't get ass from a man, let alone a woman her age, so she cruises school yards to get her kicks! That dyke should burn in hell!'" I told her mocking my mother's annoying bitching voice. I continued to bash my mother with vigor. "Mom likes to call herself a Christian! Just look at the way she talks and acts! She's no damn Christian! Who is she to judge you! She went on and on about how I'm 'an immature little girl that doesn't know her ass from a hole in the ground,' then told me that I couldn't see you ever again." I paused...it hurt just remembering that. After a moment, I went on to tell her, "I knew as soon as she said that, that I was out of there, so I grabbed some clean underwear, my money left over from my birthday, my toothbrush and some clean shirts and bolted at dawn."

We loaded the car after cuddling a while and made a stop at her bank and she withdrew all of her money...all two hundred dollars of it. We drove for and hour or so and stopped at an Econo Lodge. Sara paid for a single room and took the key, then we drove around to our room. All of our things fit into a large duffle bag but we were happy to be away from all the bullshit, away from where people were harassing us and giving us nasty looks all the time. All we needed was a warm room with a bed, and enough bubbles to last a week or so. We loved baths, they were so soothing; especially when you share them with someone you love. Before all of this, Sara would sneak over while mom was at her "meetings at church", (or should I say her boyfriend's?), then we'd take a bubble bath then run out for ice cream. Those were the days.

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Sara flung open the door with vengeance. "I got the stuff!" She slammed the door and dropped the bags on the little round table by the window overlooking the sealed pool below. I looked out the bathroom doorway and saw that she had a huge smile on her face and a bottle in her hand. " I got the flavor wine you like and more bubbles!" She was giggly. Weird. I haven't seen this mood for days. I was happy to see she was acting herself again. "We can't forget our pralines ice cream either! I got a whole gallon of it! We're set!" I peeped out again and sure enough, there she was with a huge tub of ice cream, and more raspberry scented bubbles. We used all of the ones we brought with us already. We had been gone for three days and we had already taken eight baths. We had the wrinkles to prove it. The tubs there were bigger and had more hot water than my parent's.

"Just a sec, let me put my clothes on." I had just finished blow-drying my hair. I liked to do that naked, always have. I like feeling the warm air hit my body. It's great.

"Leave them off! We'll toast naked!" She said this in a way that I thought she had made a stop at the local drug dealer.

I came out naked and had the taught nipples to prove it. "You on somethin'?" I said as I looked at her suspiciously. She was undressing and was losing her balance. I hurried over to help her out so she wouldn't fall and bang her head on the table and have an ugly concussion.

"No, just happy as could be. Come on, this is what we've always wanted...to be us. Just us." She finally finished undressing and grabbed me around my waist and pulled onto the bed, then sat next to me. Any closer and she would have been on top of me. I laughed and got a stray eyelash off of her cheek. "No one around to tell us no, and we could do whatever floats our boat." I got up and opened the bottle of gas station bought strawberry wine and took a sip. I walked back over to the bed and straddled her. She looked right at my bare breasts and laughed.

"I love you! And your big boobs!" She poured almost half the bottle on my chest and pushed me back on the bed. Next thing I knew she was on top of me and we continued to laugh. I had the hugest smile on my face that I bet my mother could see it, even from forty miles away. " I love you too, baby." She then proceeded to lick off the wine she so carelessly spilled there.

The mood changed rather quickly from playful to a heated passion. Her tongue traced my collar bone and proceeded down to my nipples. I felt a hot fire start to burn in me and I began to moan slightly. She looked up at me with adoration and love with a slight hint of mischievousness, then went back to her play. She cupped my other breast with her hand as she took the other deeply into her mouth enjoying the feel of my soft skin. I moaned a bit louder. My moaning always makes her crazy. She came up after a few minutes and we kissed passionately as our hands wondered all over each other’s body. We both went into a frenzy.

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"Is it just me, or are women better in bed?" I asked with yet another huge smile. I was laying beside her with her arms around me. I loved her arms, they made me feel so safe.

" I told you, women know how to please women better than any man ever could. We already know what feels good," she said kissing my shoulder. I rolled over to look at her and I stared forever into her eyes. I could lose myself in those eyes. They were so beautiful, just like the rest of her. She was almost six feet tall with long, straight, dark auburn hair with the most beautiful olive complexion. She was perfect, she had perfect breasts, and the most adorable ass. I wondered how a person like me can be so lucky to already have found happiness with someone. The best part was that she loved me, only me. I loved her more than words could express. She gave me everything I needed; love and affection. I didn't get it anywhere else; not from anywhere where it should count, anyways. I guess no one wanted that job. She and I were inseparable; we were the perfect fit. She was more careful with money and she already knew the ways of the world better than I did. She had been living on her own for three years. She was so...perfect. I kissed her softly then followed up with a nice embrace.

"What do you want to do today-" she stopped when the phone rang. There was a long questioning pause as the phone kept ringing. "Who knows we're here? Who could be calling?"

"I have no Idea." I answered staring only at the phone. I began to shake. "Go ahead, answer it...I can't."

"Why-"

"If it's the cops they'll know I'm here and they'll take me away. I'm not ready to go back to reality...not now." The waver in my voice may have made me a little hard to understand.

"Ok." Obviously she understood. She hesitated and eventually picked up the phone and said, "Hello?"

"Yes, this is the front desk reminding you that your clean towels are ready."

Sara hung up the phone after saying good-bye and looked at me with utter relief. "Damn that woman! I cannot believe this. It was just the front desk reminding us our towels are ready. I was sure it was the cops."

"Me too." I started laughing uncontrollably. "Jesus Christ, look at us. We're some paranoid little twerps, aren't we?"

There was silence for a minute or two, then we both agreed to pack up and go somewhere else for a while. We'd stayed there for too long, we thought. Three days was long enough in one spot when people are looking for you. We didn't want to risk the fact that someone could catch up to us.

"Where are we going to go?" I asked.

"Maybe if they're looking for us we should go where they aren't looking. We've been gone for days, they know we aren't in town. I'm sure they've checked hotels and all that, so maybe we should go back. We'll stay in the Stone Lodge there in town. They're cheap, but I don't know how we're gonna eat." We were running out of money and we needed gas to get back into town.

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As soon as we arrived we sat down and talked. We talked for hours. We talked about what we would need to do to get away forever. All we wanted was to be together, that's all. Why was it so bad? I couldn't understand how loving someone could be wrong, regardless of the gender. We wound up speaking sweet nothings to each other and having a wondrous time under the sheets for the ninth time in five days. It turned out to be the most wonderful five days I’ve lived up til that point.

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We were naked, touching each other's body and moaning so loud we could barely hear the phone ring. We sat up immediately and looked at each other. It rang eight times before I picked up the phone. I knew who it was. I knew this would come. "Hello?"

"Jennifer, it's your mother." she said it very calmly, but she was cold. I could feel it through the phone.

"Mom? How did you know I was here? What do you want?" I was completely shocked that she knew where I was, though. In my mind I just wanted to believe that it was the front desk calling to tell us more towels were on the way.

"Don't you talk to me that way young lady! I hired someone to follow you around the clock. I'm not stupid, honey. I know when my daughter is up to something." She was treating me like I was stupid again and I couldn't stand it. "I'm giving you one hour to get home. If you're not inside this door by then I'm coming to get you and the cops are coming to get Sara! "

"Mother , no!" I began to cry. "This is all my fault, if I hadn't had drug her into this she wouldn't be in trouble. I'm so sorry Sara." I kept sobbing until Sara sat in front of me in the floor to give support. Why do you have to be so perfect? Why do you have to make me feel so alive and beautiful? Why do I have to give it up? I can't take this!

"If you come home now, no charges will be pressed." She said this in a very mean and stern voice. That was the voice I hated. The one she always talked to me with. I was so sick of it. I couldn't let her think she'd won. " But I'll tell you what little girl, you will not be seeing her again. If she comes near you, talks to you, or calls, I will press charges. Same goes for you, you will not call, talk, or be within a hundred feet of her. Things are gonna change."

I knew I had to put her in her place. I couldn't stand being defeated every time an argument popped up. I pulled myself together and wiped my eyes feverishly. She's gonna get it now! "If you think I have to change, so do you! You really think that talking to me the way you do makes me want to be at home? You think your attitude towards me doesn't hurt? Think again, mother! I'm coming home, but I swear to you, you do anything to her I will run away for good and I'll take her with me! I know you can't stand that I'm gay. Deal with it! At least I'm not dead or a prostitute for Christ's sake! Come on!"

"How dare you take the Lord's name in vain! Have I not taught you-" she was cut off. I was on a roll.

"You call yourself a Christian? You judge people, you curse, you gossip, you lie! Mother, don't sit there and act like you're so perfect! I am nothing like you! I'm not sleeping around like you do when you claim you're going to a church meeting! I know what you do, and quite frankly you have no right telling me I'm pathetic and that I'm stupid. I'm finishing school! You dropped out! You can't even spell the word pathetic, can you? Honey, you should learn because that's exactly what you are! So if I'm coming home, you'd better do some changing too!

"Who told you all that!" she seemed shocked I knew.

"Your mother! You really think she would've kept her mouth shut? Come on." She was defeated. This was the first time I spoke my mind to my mother without worrying about the consequences. She needed to hear it.

"You get your ass home. We'll talk about that later." She screamed, " One hour!" Then I heard a loud, unmistakable click. She hung up on me. For once she was at a loss for words. I was proud of myself. I sat there on the stiff bed made up with starchy linens and thought about what just happened for a while.I began to feel bad that I said such nasty things. But what was I to do? She does it to me all the time. She says things that no mother should ever even think about their child!

I told Sara what was said. She was frightened, and started to cry. "Jail isn't for me, I have so much going right now. I have a good job and a nice place. I don't want to loose you." she sobbed.

"You're not going to jail, baby. I love you and won't let that happen." I held her tight and wiped her tears.

"Not seeing you is not an option. I can't...I mean, I don't want to go on without hearing you voice or seeing your face everyday..." she stopped, then kissed me.

"I'll be eighteen in eleven months. We'll be together then. She can't stop us. No one can. Just promise me one thing...." I began to cry again. "Just promise me you'll still love me when that time comes."

She looked at me blankly and said, "There's not a chance in the world that I would ever fall out of love with you. You're my life, my soul mate." That was the most sincere thing anyone has ever said to me. We cried together, kissed and held each other until we calmed down.

We didn't want to, but we had to pry ourselves apart. We grabbed our things and got into the car despite our need to be with one another. The ride was silent except for the radio.... Lenny Kravitz must have been watching our little predicament all along.

I've been searching for you

I heard a cry within my soul

I never had a yearning quite like this before

Now here you are walking right through my door

All of my life

Where have you been?

I wonder if I'll ever see you again

And if that day comes

I know we could win

I wonder if I'll ever see you again....


JRS

If you have enjoyed Jen's "The Long Good-bye", then please be certain to e-mail her at  JRS10783[at]yahoo.com  and thank her for posting this Story.

Click here for a list of all of Jen's Stories and Poetry at  Sapphic Voices Authoresses.