Sapphic Voices General Fiction

Mikah

WARNING: This Story contains strong language and mild violence.

The first blow was hard and had her spinning around into the wall. After the second hit, she learned to keep silent because it only made it worse. She drowned out the harsh words and though her slender frame felt the sting of the punches and slaps on her porcelain like skin, she wouldn't let the pain show. She fought back the tears that were welling up in her hazel eyes, closing them, she tried to think of a happier time. A time when she knew that they were truly happy and in love. Writhing in pain, she kept silent as she held on to the memory. She let it flood her senses until that was all that she could feel.

Mikah and Sara had been together for 2 years. Though they were complete opposites, their friends would all agree they were the perfect couple. They had met when Mikah started bar tending at Chloe's, in San Francisco. Mikah was feminine, yet she had a toughness to her. She was 5'3, had black hair that fell just below her chin. It was streaked red in the front. Her hazel eyes were big, with long lashes. Her looks made her an instant hit with the weekend club goers. Sara was the bouncer, and for Mikah, it was love at first sight. Sara was what people in the gay and lesbian scene would call a "soft butch". She was 5'4, with a medium build, she had short and spiky blond hair. Her blue eyes were darkened by her olive skin. Though her lips were thin, when she smiled, it was big and bright. Sara, Mikah recalled went out of her way to make her feel welcomed and to talk to her. They got along instantly, and the more they talked, the more Mikah could feel herself falling in love.

Night after night Sara would stay late after work. Staying to talk to Mikah after her shifts and then to walk her home. Sara was everything Mikah had dreamed about and more. She wrote her poems, sang to her. She bought her flowers and candy for no particular reason, and danced with with her in the rain. Lately though, things began to change, and for all the good, there was in the past, there was another side that was beginning to emerge, a darker side that Sara seemed to keep well hidden.

"You BITCH!" Sara spat out, bringing Mikah back from her thoughts. Her body was bruising and sore, she fought back the tears she felt forming inside her. She just wanted it to be over. Hoped and prayed that it would end soon. This seemed to be lasting longer than the others before. "I warned you Mikah..." Sara said sternly. "I warned you what would happen, didn't I?" Sara questioned, glaring down at Mikah, who lay on the bed looking like a homeless person who had been walking the streets too long. Tired and bruised. For a split second Sara's heart softened. The moment passed as the image flashed in her mind again. Tiffany was the newest bartender at Chloe's. She had just started working there. She was young, Sara thought, 24 at the most. Tiffany had taken to Mikah from the minute she started there. A few co-workers told her they thought that Tiffany might have a small crush on her, but Mikah just laughed it off. After all, she was with Sara and they were in love. Tiffany made Mikah laugh, Sara didn't like that. She was the one who was supposed to do that. Lately though, she couldn't. Perhaps, she thought to herself that was why she was so angry. Perhaps, she wondered that, was why she felt that Mikah needed to be set straight.

It was 9:45 p.m. when Mikah arrived at work the next evening. She glanced at her watch. Only 5 minutes late, she thought to herself. Her movements were slow, she winced with every step. She was thankful for the fall weather. She felt almost tomboyish. Along with big sunglasses, she was dressed in a blue hoodie, loose camouflage pants with a studded black belt that hung lopsided on her waist, ankle socks, and tennis shoes. The bar would dim. She was confident of that fact. Even in daylight it was a dark. A hole in the wall bar on Market Street, Chloe's was far from trendy, but the crowds were always good.

"You're late Alexander!" Her boss called out to her over the noise.

"Yea, I know" Mikah said, rushing past Suzan to busy herself.

"Stuck in the 80's are we?" Suzan questioned, sidling up beside her.

"Huh?" Mikah said, with what Suzan was sure was a look of confusion even behind the big glasses.

"Sunglasses at night." Suzan laughed. Handing a margarita to a gentleman wearing a neon green shirt, and tight blue jeans.

"Eye Dr." Mikah said, lying quickly, as she opened two bottles of beer and passed them to a woman across from her. Maybe she should have felt bad about lying so easily, but she had gotten used to the quick excuses. Besides, she was a grown woman and she didn't want people worrying about her.

Finding a slow moment, Mikah retreated to the bathroom. Lifting her hands to the side of her sunglasses, she flinched just a bit as she pulled them off to see her blackened and almost swollen eyes. She had gotten used to the occasional beating at Sara's hand, but it had never been this bad, she thought as she leaned in for a closer look. A slap here, a punch there, but nothing like this. She loved Sara, and she knew despite that monstrous side, Sara loved her. She stood for several moments starring at her reflection, not hearing when she walked in.

"Oh... MY... GAWD!" Tiffany gasped in shock and horror, bringing her hands up to cover her mouth as she fell back against the door.

Mikah was startled, she turned to look at Tiffany quickly.

Bringing her hands down from her mouth slowly, She stood for a few seconds, soaking in the image before her. "Oh my god." Tiffany repeated, crossing the few short steps to Mikah. Mikah looked away, she was ashamed. She didn't want anyone to see her like this, and she most definitely didn't want any ones pity. "Mikah?" Tiffany said, looking at her questioningly as she brought her hand up to turn Mikah to face her. She wanted to see the bruises. Mikah brought her hand up stopping her. She stepped back.

"I'm fine." She said. "Its nothing." She tried to play it off.

"This doesn't look like nothing." Tiffany countered. "As a matter of fact," Tiffany paused. "It looks very serious."

"Well it isn't." Mikah said, meeting Tiffany's eyes for the first time since shed entered the bathroom. She watched the girl across from her, she could see the concern in her crystal blue eyes. Tiffany was short, 5'2. She she had milky white skin and short brown hair. She was stalky. Wearing a leather necklace with a single bead from each color of the rainbow, she had on a fitted black t-shirt, jeans and black and white chucks. She wasn't what you would call a tomboy, however she wasn't really feminine either, Mikah thought to herself before speaking. "It was just an accident." Mikah said. "Really its nothing, I wasn't paying attention to what I was doing, lost my balance and the plate I was trying to get from the cupboard slipped and hit my face. I'm just clumsy believe it or not." In her mind it sounded like a plausible excuse. She only hoped that Tiffany would believe it.

"I don't buy it." Tiffany replied, but I can see that you aren't ready to talk about whatever has happened ..." She paused. "YET." she said emphasizing the word. "When you're ready Mikah, I hope you know you can trust me and that I do care." She said as she turned and left Mikah alone in the bathroom with her thoughts. Tiffany's gut told her there was more to Mikah's "clumsy" actions. She knew she was young, but she didn't think she was a naive person. Her mother had the same kind of "accidents" all the time when she was growing up. She busied herself behind the bar as the memory hit her hard. She recalled coming home from school and seeing her mother curled up with a blanket around her legs, her body shaking violently as she sat crying. Dropping her book-bag in the door, she ran and sat with her mother, draping an arm around her, she pulled her close.

"What's wrong mommy? What's happened?" She was afraid. She had never seen her mother cry before, at least, not like she was right now.

"Its nothing sweetie." Her mother said, furiously wiping at her tears. Tiffany saw at once the blood and bruises that covered her mothers face. Though she wanted to ask the question that was already burning her lips, she didn't. She already knew the answer she would get.

"daddy and I just got into a little fight is all, I'll be fine"

Shaking the memory from her thoughts, she turned her thoughts once again on the woman in the bathroom. She hoped with all her might that Mikah would find a way out before it was too late.

A month had passed since their conversation in the bathroom, More and more Tiffany saw the bruises and more and more, Mikah told lies and made excuses to cover up the truth. Though Tiffany knew otherwise, it would be another week before she was told.

"Who was that girl earlier?" Sara asked as she stood watching Mikah begin to undress in their bedroom.

"What girl?" Mikah asked, removing her earrings one by one, a look of confusion playing on her face as she tried to rack her brain.

"The chick at the bar, she bought you the drink?" She asked stepping behind her. Her anger was building. She felt it rising.

"Oh. That girl, I don't know? I think she was just being friendly" She said. Sara watched her. She didn't know how Mikah could be so casual about something like this. A stranger openly flirting with her, and her doing nothing to dissuade her. She felt a fury like nothing shed ever felt before overtake her. Sara gripped Mikah's forearm tight in her hand and in one swift movement spun her around so they were face to face. On her face was a mixture of shock and fear. Something about it pleased her.

"FUCKING WHORE!" she hissed out as she all but pushed Mikah to the bed. "Filthy dirty fucking whore." she said again as she pushed her down and straddled her, and began to pummel her. Sara felt a rush as her fists pounded and punched against Mikah's flesh. Mikah tried to shield her face from the blows, as Sara hurled insult after insult at her. She tried to wiggle free, her shirt ripping. She cried, she begged her to stop. But Sara continued.

The phone stirred Tiffany from her sleep, Turning her head toward the alarm clock on her nightstand, the red numbers seemed even more blinding to her. It was 8:45 am. Slinking an arm over the side of her bed she grabbed the cordless phone. Pressing the talk button she put the phone to her ear.

"Hullo?" Her sleep filled voice said.

"Hey Tiff its Suzan, I'm sorry to call you so early but I'm going to need you to cover Mikah's shifts for the next few wee..."

"Wait," Tiffany cut her boss off quickly. "Hold up..." She said trying to clear her spinning head. "What's happened? What's wrong with Mikah?" She asked, sitting up on her bed, and her voice full of concern.

"She's in the hospital, she was in an accident last night. Sara called and left me a message early this morning." Suzan replied.

"What hospital is she in? Is she OK? Can she have visitors?" Tiffany asked the questions rapidly as she got up from her bed and frantically searched her room for a pen and paper.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa!" Suzan said. "Slow down, I'll get you the info on your girl crush." Suzan teased.

Tiffany walked slowly into the hospital room. Mikah was laid on the bed, badly bruised yet resting. Tiffany's heart ached. Since she started working at Chloe's she had had a crush on Mikah, but seeing her here... like this, She knew she felt more. What she wouldn't give to hold her until she felt safe. What she wouldn't give to take those bruises away. She stepped to the bed, just watching Mikah's seemingly lifeless body. She starred blankly at the tubes running in and out of her body. Silent tears began to fall down her cheeks as she reached out a hand and held onto Mikah's, brushing her thumb lightly over the top, Mikah stirred. Tiffany pulled back. Mikah turned, opening her eyes, she saw Tiffany. She tried to speak, but her lip, fat, and stitched ached. Her mouth was dry. This time it was Mikah who reached out for Tiffany's hand. Taking Mikah's hand in hers, Tiffany stood. This time it was Mikah who cried the silent tears Overcome with emotion and before she could think things through, Tiffany leaned down and brushed her lips to Mikah's. Though Mikah's lips hurt, she didn't want to pull back, couldn't let herself pull back. It was simple and sweet, and for the first time in a long time, Mikah felt safety, and comfort.

"I just worry about you that's all." Tiffany told Mikah one evening after work.

"I cant move in with you Tiff." Mikah protested.

"Can you honestly tell me you want to stay with her?" Tiffany questioned Mikah, Sitting across from her, Tiffany watched Mikah. Though it had been 3 weeks since she'd been out of the hospital and back at work, Tiffany could still see see a few of the bruises on her face. Tiffany watched her as she emptied bottles, and washed glasses. Tiffany had been by her side everyday since she had been in the hospital, and though neither had spoken of it since, the kiss they shared on Mikah's first night in the hospital room had been meaningful.

Pondering the question, Mikah kept busy. Though she loved Sara, What was happening between her and Tiffany was confusing, and complicated, yet it felt right. She knew Tiffany had a point about staying with Sara, Although nothing had happened since she had been home from the hospital, she didn't know when or if it would happen again. Moreover, she was afraid of what would happen the next time it did. Would it be like it has been the last few times? Would it be worse? Or... she shook the thought from her head.

"Mikah, can you honestly tell me you still want to stay with her?" Tiffany asked the question again.

"I..." Mikah paused, meeting Tiffany's eyes. "Its... its" she stammered nervously, "I cant..." she paused again. "I love her." She said, glancing away quickly and busying herself behind the bar once again.

Rising quickly, Tiffany went around the side of the bar to where Mikah stood. Gripping Mikah's forearms, Tiffany moved in slowly, deliberately. She wanted to make her point. She felt the fear in Mikah's body as it stiffened. Yet her breath was hot in Tiffany's face. Tiffany pressed her lips lightly and tenderly to Mikah's. Tiffany moved her hands down to Mikah's, laced them together, as the kiss changed direction. Pulling back, Tiffany watched as Mikah tried to steady herself. To Clear her thoughts. Pulling her closer, Tiffany kissed Mikah's forehead. "That..." She whispered. "Is love." Turning her to face herself in the mirror laden with shelves of alcohol, she pointed to the stitches and remaining bruises on Mikah's face. "That's not." making her way back around the bar she grabbed her things from off the counter and left.

It was late when she got home. The apartment was dark as she crept quietly into the bedroom. The first slap came fast, catching her off guard and knocking her back against the door. Sara's hand gripped her throat.

"Where the hell were you?" Sara hissed, slamming Mikah's head into the door. She was gasping for breath. "Who were you with?" Sara questioned, her voice filled with hatred as she released her grip leaving Mikah to slump against the door coughing. She needed to cool off. She was getting more and more upset as each moment passed. Her blood was boiling inside her, she could feel it. She came close to getting herself into trouble when her temper landed Mikah in the hospital. Didn't she understand Sarah wondered. Didn't she care? She loved Mikah, she knew she did. She wanted her to know it and to feel it, yet when things like this happened. When Mikah was late, or when she got too much attention from another girl... even if it was a friend, she was filled with an uncontrollable rage. She paced the floor for sometime, lost in her thoughts. Mikah's crying brought her back to reality. Turning she extended a hand to help her up. Mikah flinched. In that instant Sara saw the fear in her eyes. The hurt, the pain and the suffering.

Mikah felt Sara's eyes on her, boring into her. She was tired. She couldn't do it anymore. She couldn't go through another night like the others, a night like tonight. Tiffany was right, she thought steadying herself. Catching her breath, she walked past Sara to their dresser. Opening the top drawer she dug around for several moments. The metal was cold against her hand. Gripping it, she turned and in one swift movement... before she could think, the loud "BANG!" filled the apartment. Dropping the gun, she sunk to the floor in tears. Her head was spinning, it had all happened so fast. Although it felt as if she had been moving in slow motion, she hadn't been. Sara was dead. She was scared, she didn't know what to do. She needed to leave.

The pounding on the door jolted Tiffany up from her sleep. Looking at her clock, she saw that she had only been asleep for two short hours. She wondered what could be so important that someone would have to wake her at 5 in the morning. Rolling out of bed, still tired she made her way slowly down the hall to her front door. Opening it, she was shocked to see Mikah standing before her. Tiffany could tell she had been crying. Stepping to her, Mikah flung herself at Tiffany. "Its over." She said in tears. "Its over." She said again into Tiffany's embrace.

THE END

If you have enjoyed Carrie Walker's "Mikah", then please be certain to e-mail her at  carrie_walker76[at]hotmail.com  and thank her for posting this Story.

Click here for a list of all of Carrie Walker's  Stories and Poetry at  Sapphic Voices Authoresses.