Sapphic Voices Humour

The Closing Statement

M’lud. Learned council for the Crown. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury. Two days ago, at the very start of this trial, I spoke to you and explained how I was going to prove to you - without any doubt - two things. One - my client has committed no crime and Two - THERE WAS NO CRIME COMMITTED!

Allow me one moment to recap please.

First and foremost, you - ladies and gentlemen of this jury - have to decide whether my client even has a case to answer. I put it to you that there is no case - no murder - no attempted murder. At no time did this young woman die or even come close to dying as far as I can see. We have numerous witnesses who say she appeared to be dead but yet we have a prince come along who, of his own free will, kisses the motionless body. Did he think he was kissing a corpse? I think not! He saw a beautiful, sleeping woman and followed a natural inclination to kiss her.

I repeat – was a crime committed in fact?

Let us talk about this so-called crime.

The Crown are alleging that a person – a very old, very unlovely, lady did hand over to Snow White an apple – An APPLE! My learned friend would have us believe that this woman’s purpose in her generous action, was to poison Snow White – but again, I ask you……did she die? No! She went to sleep! Now what would these courts be like if every time anyone went to sleep, somebody was tried for attempted murder! Ridiculous!

Now, we hear that the only witness to this old lady’s visit was Snow White herself and in her OWN EVIDENCE she admitted that she didn’t recognise the old woman. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, how can we believe that she wouldn’t recognise her own step mother, the Queen. Could anyone disguise themselves so thoroughly? I think not.

Now -- the reasons that this young and beautiful lady chose to share a house with seven men of varying ages, who were in no way related to her, are her own. Remember, my friends, that all references to the woodcutter was struck from the record as hearsay and MUST NOT come into your thinking in any way.

Now lets move on to the motive my learned friend would have us believe – jealousy!! Look at my client, take a good look. Is she not a beautiful woman. If you had her looks, would you be jealous of anybody? Of course you wouldn’t! The Crown brought forward one witness, ladies and gentlemen, to prove this jealousy - this motive. And who was this witness? A MIRROR! A TALKING MIRROR! This ‘magic’ mirror could have been programmed at any time to say what it did. Did the mirror take the oath? Would one trust it even if it had? NO!! Of course not. A mirror has no soul, no sense of honesty, no sense of GOD!

I put it to you ladies and gentlemen, that there was no opportunity, no motive and, most of all, no CRIME!

Let us put all this nonsense behind us so that you good people can get back to the important thing --- your lives!

Thank you.

If you have enjoyed F.J. Davey's "The Closing Statement", then please be certain to e-mail her at  francis7[at]bigpond.net.au  and thank her for posting this Story.

Click here for a list of all of F.J. Davey's Stories and Poetry at  Sapphic Voices Authoresses.

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