Sapphic Voices Humour

Yellow Fish

Discretion is advised, as this Story is for mature audiences only.

Chapter One

She stood at the podium and faced her crew. She stood five feet eight inches tall, had jet black hair and brown eyes. She weighed a hundred and fifty-five pounds, an athletic and toned figure for a woman of forty-three. There were over a hundred women before her, all wearing Navy whites, all standing in formation. They were a pathetic lot. It didn’t matter that she had approved their transfer, or that they had all been recommended highly by the Pentagon. It didn’t matter, because they were all fidgeting and whispering to one another. It was her ceremony, one where she had just assumed command of the submarine. Her male predecessor had just made his speech and was sitting in his chair looking at her. Her eyes narrowed and she scanned the crowd, looking to identify the worst of them. In the center of the ranks she spotted a tall, thin blond woman, who was scratching her backside and swaying from one side to another. She was obviously an undisciplined person who needed to be taught a lesson. One of her first acts, as Captain, would be to make an example of her.

“This is a historic day,” Captain Harley said. “In times of war, through out history, women have made the ultimate sacrifice, just as their male counterparts have. The United States now leads the world in assigning women to combat roles. Women have assumed positions of authority in our military and have done so with competence, integrity, and honor. Today all but one of my crew members, onboard this fast attack submarine are female.” Captain Harley paused. “We will not fail in achieving the mission.”

Captain Harley took a step back. She had stunned everyone with the short speech. Whoever said that women talk too much had not meet Captain Harley. She said only what was necessary to get the job done.

The next morning was the first scheduled deployment. The mission was simple. They were to deploy for a week, simply to test the crew’s abilities. It was a training mission, nothing more. The wind blew lightly. It was a comfortable summer morning at 4 a.m.

Captain Harley stood on the Quarterdeck and watched as each crew member presented their military identification to the first class next to her. Their name was checked off the sailing list. It ensured that all members were accounted for before the ship deployed. In addition to their identification, their baggage was also inspected. They were all permitted to bring one seabag, nothing more. If it didn’t fit into the seabag, then it could not be brought onboard the submarine. The floodlight was bright enough to illuminate the hatch that led down into the belly of the ship, but not so bright as to light up the dock. Suddenly the flow of women stopped. Captain Harley scanned the crowd, tracing the line back to the metal bridge that spanned the dock to the submarine. There, just a few feet ahead, on the edges of darkness, a woman seemed to be standing still, immobile and looking helpless. She appeared to be struggling with her right foot, trying desperately to lift it off the bridge. Captain Harley pushed past the quarterdeck watch and approached the woman. Even through the darkness she could see the problem.

“What is your name?”

“Seaman Sexton, Ma’am.”

“Take off those high heels.”

“I can’t. The heel is stuck between the grating.”

Captain Harley advanced slowly toward the woman and stopped only inches from her face. She had long dark brown hair that had been pulled into a bun. She was wearing the typical Navy work uniform, attire that did not call for high heels. Captain Harley’s eyes slowly dropped, roving over the woman’s busty figure. She looked back at Seaman Johnson, then squatted down. She grasped her right ankle and pulled it up out of the shoe, then placed the woman’s foot onto the cold metal bridge. The shoe was black and probably had a four-inch heel on it. She stood up and glared at Seaman Johnson.

“Keep moving, that’s an order.”

Captain Harley did an about face, spinning around in one move, and began marching back toward the Quarterdeck. She didn’t need to turn around. Captain Harley could hear the woman hobbling behind her. The sound of one heel clinking against the metal was distinctively clear. When she turned to face her crew again, Captain Harley watched in dismay as a sailor tripped over the shoe. In seconds, another woman tripped over the shoe. She turned away from the bridge and concentrated on ensuring her crew was accounted for. A few minutes later and she stared into a familiar face.

“Petty Officer Farr,” Captain Harley said, “Put your bag down there and stand next to me, at attention.”

The tall then blond woman looked perplexed, but complied without saying a word. The First Class continued to check off names and the Captain glanced back toward the bridge to see a woman trip over the shoe and fall down. Her seabag was not closed properly and clothing fell out onto steel grating. A gust of wind blew a few pieces of clothing off the bridge and into the water.

“My underwear,” she yelled, trying to prevent yet another one from falling into the water.

Captain Harley watched as the woman fumbled with her clothing, stuffing everything into the seabag. Out of the corner of her eye she saw Petty Officer Farr scratching her backside and fidgeting. Captain Harley turned away from the fumbling woman on the bridge and spun about to face Petty Officer Farr.

“You are at attention.”

Petty Officer Farr grimaced. “I’m sorry, Ma’am. I have a rash on my ass. I’m a diver and I think that last dive did it. I think maybe I kept my wetsuit on too long and I might even be getting a yeast…”

“Never mind,” Captain Harley said, interrupting her. She turned her attention back toward the bridge. The young sailor was up and hoisting the seabag on her shoulder. The shoe was still stuck in the grating. Captain Harley turned again toward Petty Officer Farr. “Retrieve those items of clothing from the water, diver.”

“Yes Ma’am!"

Petty Officer Farr took three steps toward the edge of the submarine and jumped, feet first, into the water. A splash spanned out far enough to wet several of the women on the bridge. Several women squealed in response. Petty Officer Farr emerged from the water and began swimming toward a small orange piece of clothing. Captain Harley turned away from the scene and decided it was best not to watch the retrieval process. In front of her stood the woman who had lost her underwear.

“What is your name?”

“Petty Officer O’Rear,” she said and looked down at her feet.

“Stand here and wait for Petty Officer Farr to return your clothing.”

“Thank you, Ma’am.”

Captain Harley didn’t need to turn around to see her coming. The sound of water dripping and feet sloshing gave it away. Petty Officer Farr had accomplished her mission. Petty Officer Farr rounded the Quarterdeck and stood in front of Captain Harley, then held out an orange g-string in one hand and a red pair of briefs in the other hand.

“Give them to her,” Captain Harley motioned toward Petty Officer O’Rear.

Petty Officer Farr turned to the woman and held the underwear out, dripping water onto her shoes. Petty Officer O’Rear took both pairs and underwear and began to wring them out. Water splashed off the deck and onto the Captain.

“Get off my deck, both of you,” Captain Harley said in a calm, but stern fashion.

Captain Harley closed her eyes, trying to ignore to sounds of both women bumbling about to remove their seabags from the Quarterdeck. She waited until the sounds of their footsteps were heard making their way to hatch. She hoped they could both climb down the ladder without falling. Captain Harley opened her eyes again to gaze upon a tall muscular woman.

“Petty Officer Manley,” she said to the Quarterdeck watch.

Captain Harley squinted and examined the woman again. Yes, she was a woman. Captain Harley spoke softly. “What is your job?”

“I am a corpsman, Ma’am.”

“Go and fetch that high heel for me.”

Petty Officer Manley nodded, dropped her seabag on the Quarterdeck and pushed her way back down the bridge toward the shoe. She watched as the corpsman finally stopped the flow of traffic and dropped to her knees. Petty Officer Manley struggled with the shoe and appeared to be rocking it back and forth in the groove. After several more ill fated attempts, Petty Officer Manley straddled the shoe and pulled it straight up, dislodging it and sending her flying backward into the metal railing of the bridge. The cursing was probably heard a mile away. Petty Officer Manley then stood up and began to walk back toward the Quarterdeck. Captain Harley saw the shoe and breathed a sigh of relief. She had wondered if Petty Officer Manley had dropped it into the water when falling.

“Good job,” Captain Harley said as she took the shoe from Petty Officer Manley.

She smiled, then effortlessly lifted her seabag onto her shoulder. Captain Harely watched as the woman made her way down the hatch. She then turned to the Quarterdeck watch and noted the progress.

Chapter Two

It’s furry head stuck out from underneath the covers. It was a large sized teddy bear that had been strategically placed. It wasn’t the head that disturbed her. It was what appeared to be poking up from underneath the covers that seemed odd. She could swear that it was something more sinister.

“Whose bed is this?” Captain Harley asked her Master-at-Arms.

“According to my roster this is Seaman Sexton’s rack, Ma’am.”

Captain Harley took a step back and pondered the sight. There were three bunks on top of one another. The rack she was looking at was in the center. All other racks appeared to be made properly. Captain Harley approached the bed and ripped the covers down. There, strapped to the teddy bear, was a harness and dildo. Captain Harley raised an eyebrow.

“Is this legal for them to have?”

The Master-at-Arms sighed. “Yes, Ma’am. It just can’t be on the bed like that.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes. It isn’t the object that is illegal, just acts with the object on another woman.”

“That is what I am afraid of,” Captain Harley said, still staring at the dildo. “I am going to confiscate the sex toy.”

The Master-at-Arms made a few notes on her inspection papers. Captain Harley reached out and grabbed the dildo. She turned and held it out in front of her.

“Shouldn’t you have gloves on?” asked the Mater-at-Arms.

Captain Harley now sighed. “Finish the inspection yourself and come to my office when you are finished.”

She walked through the narrow hallways, holding the dildo out in front of her. As she exited the berthing area, she passed several women. They stared at the dildo as she passed, obviously shocked by the sight of their Captain holding it out in the open. It only took her a moment to reach her office. There she planted the item, head up, in the center of her desk. She sat in her chair and realized she had left her office door open. Captain Harley didn’t care. She just stared at the dildo and wondered what to do with it. Half an hour passed and she was still staring at it, still pondering the legality of the object.

“Ma’am.”

Captain Harley looked up to see Petty Officer Farr staring at the dildo.

“Yes?”

“I was wondering if you would allow me to cross train while on deployment,” she asked, still staring at the dildo. “I’d like to work with the electricians and help them with routine maintenance.”

Captain Harley looked up. “Electricity and water don’t mix.”

“Well, that’s true,” she said slowly. “I am an electrician, but designated a diver. I just want to help out.”

“Sure. Get with the XO. He’ll assign you to engineering on a volunteer basis.”

“Thank you.”

Captain Harley looked back down at the dildo. She had decided what must be done. She stood up, brushed past Petty Officer Farr, and exited her office. She intended to have the Master-at-Arms lock it up for the duration of the cruise. She hurried down the hallway and met her in berthing. The Master-at-Arms was writing in her notepad.

“Just finished. It looks good overall. The only major hit was the item you confiscated.”

“Good, because I need you to lock that thing up in your safe.”

“You want me to put that thing in my safe?”

“Yes.”

Captain Harley turned and headed back toward her office. The Master-at-Arms was just a few steps behind her. She stopped just at the entrance of the mess hall. Loud voices and the word ‘no’ was heard several times. Captain Harley looked at the Master-at-Arms and motioned for her to go down the ladder. It was clear what the problem was once they entered the mess decks.

“A man doesn’t have to pay for the meal on the first date if she was the one to ask him out,” Petty Officer Manley shouted.

“You are wrong, so wrong,” Petty Officer O’Rear said in a snide tone. “A man should pay for every date, all the time, regardless of who asks who.”

Several other women shouted no, while some said yes.

“And you are the expert?” O’Rear said sarcastically. “Everyone I know expects the man to pay. If he doesn’t then he isn’t worth my time. He’s a deadbeat.”

“No way,” Petty Officer Manley argued. “We’re not living in the dark ages anymore. It’s acceptable for women to pick up the tab sometimes.”

Captain Harley stepped in between the women. She stared at O’Rear, then turned toward Manley. Both women ceased to argue and waited for the Captain to settle the argument. She shook her head negatively and turned away from the pair. That was the only opinion they would get from her today.

It only took seconds for the Captain to climb the ladder and return to the task at hand. The Master-at-Arms followed closely behind. She stopped dead in front of her office door. The Master-at-Arms timidly peered over her shoulder to look in the room. A long and uncomfortable minute passed. Seconds passed and still the Captain was speechless.

The Captain finally spoke, breaking the silence. “It’s gone. It was on my desk and now it gone.”

The Master-at-Arms reached past the Captain and shut the door. “That’s a crime scene. Don’t touch anything. I’ll dust for finger prints.”

The Captain brushed past the Master-at-Arms and opened her door again. “They would not need to touch anything to lift the item off my desk. Bring Petty Officer Farr into my office immediately.”

Ten minutes later Captain Harley was glaring at Petty Officer Farr from across her desk. Farr was sitting in a chair directly opposite the Captain’s. Where there had once been a dildo, there was now nothing. The emptiness between them lingered.

“Do you notice something different?”

Petty Officer Farr shrugged. Captain Harley leaned onto the desk and pointed to the spot where the dildo had once been. Petty Officer Farr’s eyes widened.

“It is gone.” Captain Harley said. “And I want it back. If you bring it back to me, I will only do good things for your career. Do you understand me?”

Petty Officer Farr looked at the empty desk. “Yes, Ma’am.”

Captain Harley leaned back into her chair. “It’s not mine.”

“Yes, Ma’am.”

“It isn’t.”

“Yes, Ma’am.”

They sat and stared at one another.

“I didn’t take it.” Petty Officer Farr shifted in her seat.

Captain Harley nodded. Petty Officer Farr squirmed in her seat, then scratched her backside.

“Go to medical.” Captain Harley instructed. “Dismissed.”

Chapter Three

Captain Harley shook her hand and watched as Lt. White sat down. She was still a young medical officer, but highly recommended. As an African-American woman, she graduated in the top 5% of her class, an admirable feat by any standard.

“I understand the rules of confidentiality,” Captain Harley said. “But I have a situation here that demands attention.”

Captain Harley sat down in her chair and looked at the empty space on her desk. Lieutenant White waited patiently for more details.

“A crew member brought a sex toy onboard and it has been stolen,” Captain Harley said. “I need to know if there are women onboard who are sexually active. I need to find the stolen item and lock it up.”

“Well, I seriously doubt that anyone would admit to homosexual behavior,” Lieutenant White said.

“Right, but they needn’t have a partner. I am sure there are occasions where you could use your professional judgement to make an assumption.”

Lt. White looked nervously from side to side. “Its rather hard to tell if someone has been masturbating with a sex toy. Unless they rub themselves raw, I really wouldn’t be able to make any sort of judgement.”

Captain Harley began to tap her fingers on the desk, one after another in rattling succession. She continued for several seconds before stopping and standing up. She looked down at the lieutenant.

“Well, you can report confessions,”

The lieutenant looked up and nodded. “Yes, I can.”

“Very well,” Captain Harley agreed. “Send in the XO.”

Lieutenant White stood up and walked to the office door. She opened it and exited quickly, without looking back. Captain Harley sat back down and began to rap her fingers on the desk again. Lieutenant White probably would be no help in finding the stolen item. Maybe the XO could help. This was their first assignment together, so she could only hope that he would work with her, not against her.

Ten minutes later and the office door opened up. A short and fat ugly man stood in her doorway. Captain Harley stopped rapping on her desk and motioned for him to come in.

“You wanted to see me?” The XO asked.

“Sit down,” she commanded. “If you haven’t heard, we have a situation onboard.”

“No, what is problem?” he asked in a high-pitched tone.

“Someone brought a sex toy onboard and it has been stolen,” she said.

“A sex toy,” he asked.

“Yes, it was a strap on.”

“Oh, my,” he said nervously. “I need to go to my quarters immediately.”

“What on earth for?”

He stood up and hurried out of her office without saying another word. Captain Harley jumped up and followed him down the hall. He was ten feet ahead of her and moving quickly. She was furious. How dare he walk out on her like that! She intended to correct this behavior before it became a habit. He entered his room and she followed him into it. The first thing she saw was a large poster of Marilyn Monroe on the wall. Captain Harley raised an eyebrow. She started to speak, but hesitated. He began tearing apart his locker. Clothing went flying across the floor, strewn across her feet.

“It isn’t here,” he said. “Someone has stolen it!”

“What was stolen?”

“My phallus,” he cried.

“Your what?”

The XO stood up and faced her. He straightened up his uniform and tried to regain his composure.

“I had sex re-assignment surgery prior to entering the Navy,” he confessed. “Things didn’t work out the way I wanted them to.”

Captain Harley closed her eyes and put her hands to her face.

“I did disclose my surgery to the military,” he said.

Captain Harley dropped her hands and opened her eyes. She stared at Marilyn Monroe. It was the classic picture of her trying to keep her skirt from blowing up, while she looked surprised. Captain Harley turned to her XO and donned a very stern look.

“You shouldn’t have brought your phallus onboard,” she said.

“I’m sorry,” he said. “I just couldn’t leave home without it.”

Captain Harley looked to the ceiling. “Well, now I have one less problem to deal with.” She turned to face him and glared directly into his eyes. “You are now in charge of finding your phallus.”

“Who is to say that there aren’t two of them onboard.”

Captain Harley tilted her head and thought about it. “I guess you could always use a spare. It is your responsibility now. I want a full report when you complete the mission.”

“Yes, sir!”

Captain Harley growled. “I am not a sir.”

If you have enjoyed Fran Black's "Yellow Fish", then please be certain to e-mail her at  FranBlack[at]wildblue.net  and thank her for posting this Story.

Click here for a list of all of Fran Black's Stories and Poetry at  Sapphic Voices Authoresses.