Sapphic Voices Humour

The Christmas Present

I hope this Story will make you laugh. It still makes me laugh when I read it. It is another from the anthology I am writing. This is another Story based on an actual event, not to me though. I am sure many of us have been in just as embarrassing positions.

It was our first Christmas together and I wanted it to be perfect. I wanted the right food, the right atmosphere but most of all I wanted the right present. Being a student I didn't have much money so getting the right thing was imperative; I couldn't afford to waste my money. We had been together less than a year so I was not entirely sure what she would like. She liked jewellry but that was out of my price range, clothes were boring so what could I get her. Eventually I decided to ask her but I know I wasn't prepared for the answer. I was still quite innocent then, Jody was not only my first lesbian relationship but she was also the first woman I had ever been with. Although I didn't show it I could still be shocked quite easily.

I had to choose my moment carefully because I knew exactly what she'd say, "You don't have to buy me anything, all I want is you." Which is exactly what she did say as we lay on the rug on the floor listening to some very mellow music, you know the sort of thing romantic and fitting to the mood after lovemaking for a few hours. "Oh come on," I said "I have to get you something, anyway I've saved up so it can't cost more than 30." She turned on her stomach deep in thought; I lay there leaning on one arm gently stroking her back. Suddenly she turned over with a great big smile on her face, "I know," she yelled, "but I bet you don't have the guts to get it." "Just try me," I replied, "I love a challenge so you never know."

"Well it's kind of personal, you know a toy kind of thing. Something we can use sometimes when we well you know" she stuttered out starting to get very embarrassed. I'd never seen her embarrassed before and I found it really sweet and endearing but that didn't help me understand what the hell she was talking about.

"What are you talking about, I asked, " a toy kind of thing is not very helpful." Then suddenly it dawned on me, "You mean a vibrator." I had been to a couple of Anne Summers parties in the past so I wasn't shocked and I knew there were quite a few variations to the theme. " Not quite," she replied a little falteringly, "you know a strap on thingie. I've always wanted one of those but as I said you probably wont get it. It's in your price range though."

Now was I totally thick or just completely naive but I still didn't really know what she was talking about. She must have seen this written all over my face because she continued to explain, "A strap on dildo little miss innocent, that's what I want."

Well at least I had an answer and with only a few days to go until Christmas I didn't have enough time to get her to choose something else, especially as she seemed so keen on this particular item.

So the next day I set off on my shopping trip to Soho, I knew I'd be able to get one there. I looked in a few shop windows but couldn't pluck up enough courage to go inside because of the dirty raincoat brigade that seem to hang around both inside and outside. I was just beginning to give up when I saw the Anne Summers shop, stick to what you know that's my motto. On entering the shop I began to feel warm, hot even. Just the thought of what I had come to buy seemed enough to turn me red. At first all I could see was underwear, sexy outfits and jokes, then there it was facing me a whole cabinet of them, but why did the muzak have to start playing "Chestnuts roasting by the open fire." I didn't know whether to laugh or just die but I decided to leave with all the dignity I could muster, I knew I was blushing and could see that other people could see it too.

"Fuck it," I said to myself as I walked away, "I've come this far, I can't fail now." I went to the nearest bar to get some Dutch Courage. One vodka and coke was not enough, two was almost but after three I was ready for anything, or so I thought.

I walked confidently from the bar and into the shop but I had to wait to be served and my confidence began to waver. Finally the assistant came up to me and it was only then I noticed the group of teenage girls giggling at the back in the men's underwear section. Shit! No going back now.

"Can I help you?" the assistant asked as if she was about to sell me a bottle of washing up liquid but she was used to this all this.

"I'll have that one." I said quickly pointing at the case and I think I was talking a bit loudly as the group of girls began to laugh and stare. I definitely was not ready for what came next. "Small, medium or large?" the assistant asked and I could feel myself beginning to blush badly. I could hear the girls laughing even louder. What would be worse running out or carrying on?

"Medium," I shouted in a slight panic, which caused the girls to laugh almost hysterically. I couldn't wait to get out of there and it seemed to take her forever to find the right one that still had a box. She looked up at me with a calm face, I'm sure I saw a little bit of a mischievous glint in her eye as she saw my growing discomfort, and asked me, "Do you want it gift wrapped?"

In for a penny in for a pound I thought to myself, as the group of girls fell over themselves with laughter then ran out of the shop. At least I'd made someone's Christmas and they would be living on that story for months. "Yes please," I said, feeling a lot calmer now that the shop was empty. When she had finished I rapidly paid my money and left the shop thinking I would never do anything like that again.

Well, Christmas day arrived; we woke up and slowly and deliberately made love. Savouring every moment, move and touch. I got up and made breakfast, hot croissants and hot chocolate. Jody came downstairs and hugged me from behind as I prepared the food. We sat on the floor by the tree and presents and hungrily devoured the food. I felt like a kid again, the excitement of Christmas had come back to me for the first time in many years. The dog looked at us as if we had gone mad when we started laughing for what seemed no reason at all. Jody looked so funny with her chocolate moustache but I slowly licked and kissed it away feeling the passion rise again, I pulled back saying "Later." Jody laughed again, kissed the tips of my fingers and said "Happy Christmas."

She leapt up shouting "Pressy time! And you get yours first."

I really was a kid again, she'd brought me loads of presents and I just tore the paper off every one. When I'd finished I threw my arms around her thanking her for each present with at least one kiss. After I'd calmed down I realised there was just one present left under the tree and I felt so mean. Jody must have seen my expression change and knew what I was thinking.

"It's OK," she said tenderly, slipping her arms around me, "I know money is tight at the moment. I don't mind, you really needn't have bought me anything, honest." I nearly burst into tears, God I love that woman so much that it sometimes hurts.

Unlike me she carefully took off all the wrapping paper keeping the gift tag. When she saw what it was she whooped with delight, "I never thought you'd do it, now I know what you meant by later. How long will dinner be?"

"Not for hours yet," I replied as Jody grabbed her present and me and headed for the stairs.

A few exhausting hours later we were sitting eating our dinner. Candle lit table, good Champagne and all the traditional fare. "Have you enjoyed our first Christmas," she asked as she took my hand tenderly.

"The best I've ever had," I said, "Just one thing is worrying me though. It's your birthday in a few weeks. What do you want and don't say nothing?"

"Let me think," she said mischievously, "I think a leather harness would be really good."

Oh shit, not again, where's the vodka?

If you have enjoyed Julie Meredith's "The Christmas Present", then please be certain to e-mail her at  julie.meredith[at]virgin.net  and thank her for posting this Story.

Click here for a list of all of Julie Meredith's  Stories and Poetry at  Sapphic Voices Authoresses.