She was born in the form of a flame
and with her she carried the timeless echoes
of distant thunder and rain
and I stood and watched her
and trembled with love
I saw egrets take flight
in a flurry of white against a hillside blanketed by fog
that came crashing over cliffs and rocky crevices
and there she stood in the moonlight glow
an illumination of power that siezed my soul
and in the morn when I awakened
surrounded by the peaceful pastoral existence
where sunlight reflected on quiet waters
a warm and affectionate union took place
and all at once I felt myself dancing
wonderous in the hope that I would soar again.
Centered in my sleeping dream awaiting the voices from within
I call to you but you seem to answer not...are you here at all
or is this the memory of time watered moments...
The room is scented with lavender and Japanese Heather
a glow that lingers long after ...and I wonder again if you were here
and why did you leave when it was so wet...
Oft times I hear your laughter, the cackling sounds that leave your lips
clutching our sides...holding onto this enamored longing
and trying to hold what isn't mine to keep
I've cried in your arms screaming the questions that separate us
only to awaken ...and I find myself jogging my mind
wondering if you were here at all...
I know when the dark creeps in and leaves me so alone
I touch myself deep inside and rock to the wind chimes that hang
only wishing you could be here and do the same...for me.
Sometimes she is like the smoldering end of a match
the way she touches me
and ignites such fire
such an illumination that bares me deep
I feel a pulsing inside of me that burns
and beckons with every breath
...thirsting for her every word.
It's not the love that dies when one's partner ceases to exist
But moreso the skin falls short of breath
And time stands still for thirst
And I am left with scars...they bleed but it's a dry bleed
No more self pity...i don't look well in it
And laughter needs to share itself one more time
I want to hold my sides for fear of bursting apart
And look to see her smile even if it's only a memory
I seem to be lost...there is no horizon to this damaged mind
And I cant even begin to worship...was never my style
But when she left with her she took my soul
I'm anguished and I'm mortal
And yet in some ways I'm whole
There is a longing inside of me
That grows with every thought
A loneliness that bares no redemption
But a forgiveness that blinds each tear
And each rip that leaves me open.
She speaks of relativity and dances to the unknown moon
drinking strawberry wine
and telling me she knows the difference between aging
and plain old fermentation
and when she laughs...it tears me up inside
like wind rushing thru a tunnel
She is evil in her own right and a stranger among thieves
sometimes I cry out to her,
she will look my way and then keep going
coz after all she is the one with the power or so she says
and I let her believe that
She speaks of gods that once lived in the hearts of mortal beings
and fear was known to all that embraced such...
she speaks of the ways of the wiccan
but I don't think she knows,
but I give her that much
for after all she is some kind of power that I can't seem to shake
and I wait for her down by the creek when the moon is full
and pride sets itself somewhere
far off howling in the distance
like it had no soul...no beginning....
what I lack in substance, I make up in design
and lead her to believe in me as well as she.
Earth womyn
as the leather wraps
tightly against the dream
you hold yourself
wet
desirous
and so real
Wish womyn
as the leather clings
sweetly against your thighs
you rock yourself
gently
fever
and so near.
I lapse into a nothingness
bridged by the cool night air
picking up a time worn pebble
I hold it firmly...
not wanting to let go
but knowing the release will free me
maybe free my soul
and I throw it
smooth side down
to skip across
the ebony glass surface
of the quiet waters
My feet still buried ankle deep
in the cool sand.
I've sat here for hours
it seems
tho only minutes
I cant fight the tears when they fall
feeling them as a cleansing
...shaking my head and wondering
how could they hurt me so?
The physical is nothing
compared to this inner anguish
The numbing against the crash of waves
seems light
and I dig deeper
trying to hide away
and wishing I was that stone that had found its way.
I pulled anchor and brought the sails up
and slowly motored out of the harbor
birds flew overhead
squawking and flapping
I paced the narrow walkways
the inner workings of my mind
and you were there
everpresent
(don't you know you will always be in my heart)
The sails billowed tall
as I headed under the bridge
a million cars zoomed by overhead
just a single thought
of you
and I fly with the wind....you make me soar
the water splashes and rocks freely against the hull
each crashing beat the tempo of my heart racing.
specials that come and go with
the blink of an eye in some late night
diner where the kids flock and smoke
til dawn
where the age of innocence is gone
before the next cup of java
why do we wait for those not returning
what blasphemy chides the annointed
what cursings ramble in the hideous dark
Ive sat with writers block for days
that soon turns to weeks, what happened to the hour
of discontent, the schmoozings of strangers
if I sit alone long enough do I become my own audience
am I what i ridicule because I cant think
or stop thinking about what I havent written
I told them this time there would be no sex
and they cried out to me why not, its what
they want and nothing else seems to matter
no creative mind, no sinister wisdom
in black and white with legs sprawled
she comes and I came inside of her longing
no, it didnt feel right but she does
and if I could only touch
what my mind wants to feel
then I might be able to write something better
than all this flava....pap for the masses.
If you have enjoyed Carol Marie's Poetry, then please be certain to e-mail her at carybehr[at]comcast.net and thank her for posting her Work.
Click here for a list of all of Carol Marie's Stories and Poetry at Sapphic Voices Authoresses.
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