[e-mail unavailable]
The wind is cool as i step outside on my deck
My feet bare
showing the world my pajamas
i light a cigarette
surrounded by night
and the lights of a small college town
the celestial body of my home
quiet and undisturbed
solitude falls down from the clouds
i look up to see a different language
formed out of puffy whiteness
i pace back and forth across the
wooden platform
for all to see me
as my living room lights
show the world my silhouette
the girl across the parking lot
stares at her TV and eats off her coffee table
as she does every night
and i think i go unnoticed
ashes swirl to the ground
as i burn out my day
puff by puff
i sit
in a worn out lawn chair
the most comfortable of the two
and stretch my legs up to the railing
hands folded in my lap
i gaze at the stars for hours
wishing, of course, on the brightest
and starring curiously at the one that twinkles
in the same place every night
its not a plane, no that star just sparkles
as if its attempting to catch my eye
to convey a vital message
for my brain to comprehend
i look fixedly often
with wide open eyes
and inquire within
what this star
on this night
in this town
with this light
is saying.
Stumbling over my own words
i fall face first into a pile of regret
an accidental slip of the tongue
has left me unable to speak
yet phrases surround my limp body
like the manuscript of the world
collapsed at my feet
and i was utterly unaware
phrases trail in circles above my head
and me, with my arms waving
are unable to catch them
and shove them back in my mouth
in my brain
in my soul
where the real me resides
humble yet shameless.
My eyes dart back and forth
catching a glimpse
of my naive
mistake
and then i realize
no one is watching
they are just stomping
through words
as if they were in a thickened forest
with rubbish piling up at their feet
and so i take my precious collaboration
of words swaying through the air
and falling to the ground
and hoard them in my lap
as if they might somehow
someway absorb into my lap
up to my chest
and into my soul
where they belong.
A smile so slight it sends me into a shuddering panic
I've never known such an angel to walk the earth, so free and alive
wings showing, baring all for the little people to see
they turn their heads and stare, they laugh but I don't care
the clock ticks on as always it does
yet time stops to smell the sweetness of heaven
and the world suddenly takes on a distorted angel
the sun shines bright where only dark clouds have lurked
and the once freezing blanket of snow that covered by depths
has melted into a pure stream of crisp and cool waters
I wash my body
the minutes have turned into hours, and hours into days
and days into eternity
what once was such a short moment in time
so precise like the end of a needle
has turned into the air, and flooded the world
breathing in and breathing out
flowing into every pore of the earth
washing over my nakedness
making me breakdown to my knees in disbelief
and stare at the cloud filled sky
I ask why
the sky has flip-flopped
and it seems I am walking on the sky
peering down through the blanket of green leaves
sparkling in the honey filled rays of sunshine
I heard your laughter out of nowhere
the magical sound of your voice pierces my ears
and a thousand lions trample my heart
I can feel your breath upon my back
your slender fingers tracing the details of my outline
as if Im a perfect picture in a book
for all to read
your eyes like the precious gems of earth
emeralds, sapphires, covering my body
we dance in mid air
we walk about the clouds
and the cool mist in the sky settles on our brows
starring down into the worlds of the little people
a life we once walked alone
searching for that magical place and time
to capture us
and save us from this nightmare
they talk...but there is no music
they dance, but not on clouds
it rains, but the dew doesn't settle
and the sun doesn't shine nearly as bright
down there
on the little people
where the sidewalks lie perfect in STRAIGHT lines
and time ticks on, even in the most breathtaking moments
and the sky is too far away to imagine
down there
to the little people
but up here
we sit around in our nothingness
and stare in disbelief
that we ever questioned the angels
and their
wings
that we ever questioned
a smile
so
slight.
Im big yet small in the eyes of some
I cry real tears yet they are just water to you
I dance but you only see stumbling
and the rain doesn't settle with dew
to you
I feel but you only see my skin
I see through the blindness of your eyes
I laugh but you only see the pain
and the truth has shifted to a lie
I try
I talk but you only see words
I eat by my bones are still thin
I melt but you see me as whole
I taste but I only taste sin
I win
Im strong but you see me as frail
Im scared but you can't see my fear
Im dead but you see me alive
you think I don't listen
you think i hear, I shed
a tear
I walk the earth but you see my flying
I try to scream
but inside Im dying
for someone to hold me tight
and tuck me in
outside I lose
and inside Im trying
Im stuck in a battle of
good and bad
Im trying to live
the life I had
before the world
was split in two
first there was me
and now there is you.
swans dance naked in the water
in a captivating light shed by the moon
wishes are silently made
and delicately granted
and a purplish golden glow
settles over all things quietly
whispers of darkness
cover every living thing
the eyes of the world
have closed for the night
the trees blow silently with the wind
and the earth lies calm
as the swans dance naked in the water.
Im amazed at how Ive let my heart
be an open platter
for you to devour, all that you want
pick and choose
eat me up and spit me out
selfish and bitter
your eyes stare upon my breast
once second longer, and i would have weakened
devouring myself right along with you
take me for granted
its what you do best
eat me with your mouth open
like you always do
showing all who surround
how you bite into me
and swallow me whole
You've been hurt before
I know
But isn't that the way life goes?
You were climbing your way to heaven
then you fell down to hell
and now your ass hurts,
because the landing wasn't so soft
You never know how hard your gonna hit
but you gotta pick yourself up
and strive for the long haul
Pack your dignity in your suitcase
and put your respect in your pocket
where you will always know where to find it
And you might get picked up along the way
by a schmutz who wants to take you for a ride
but just keep on walkin
cause that fools road only goes one way
and that is down, yeah
you've been hurt before
I know
but isn't that the way
life goes?
Yeah, I might be a bitch
but i ain't no fool
Ive been walkin this road to damn long
to stop now and carry you
Ive got enough trouble
packed in my bag
and there's no room for yours
I don't need your sun shinin on my back
Cause I got shit to do
and i don't need a shadow
to tell me which way im going
i gotta road that heads west
straight to the land i was made from
and you don't have enough money
for the toll
yeah i might be a bitch,
but i aint no fool
I know this cafe
the walls are purple and green
It used to be my favorite place
Ani blaring in the background
of deep discussion
but the last time I went there
I took you
and you spilled your coffee
smeared my words into thin air
wiped me off with a towel
then threw me away
that was the day I forgot your name
that was the day I left.
She never knew where she was going
She never really cared
hopped a bus and sat in the back
with her head phones on
drowning out the cries of her past
and the guy next to her
is braggin bout his girlfriend
and the girl in front is puttin on her face
but she don't know where she's goin
just wants the hell outta this place
she's got a one track mind
and a heart made of steel
her jeans are faded
and her eyes are green
and she sits in the back
of the bus.
Lesli's e-mail address is unavailable.
Click here for a list of all of Lesli's Stories and Poetry at Sapphic Voices Authoresses.
|
Sapphic Voices Main Pages: Home Adventure | Drama |
Erotica | Fan Fiction | Fantasy | General | Horror
|
Copyright © 1997-2005 Sapphic Voices. All rights reserved.
Unless otherwise noted, all site content is entirely owned and is solely maintained by Sapphic Voices.
Absolutely no portion of this page may be reproduced either electronically or otherwise without the express
and written permission of the copyright holder, except as occurs in normal browser caching and page indexing.