Sapphic Voices Romance

Becoming

Part One

by R Brown
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Copyright © by R Brown, December 2010

This Story is a Work In Progress. The Authoress requests the reader's feedback.

As I stood there I knew the conversation was not going as I had planned. Peter looked at my with those puppy dog eyes that always seemed to break me down and I said the words again unsure if he had understood the first time ‘I’m attracted to a women, I don’t think that we should be together any more’. But still he just looked at me. We were standing in the kitchen area of the flat that I shared with my two best friends Joe and Sophie. It had taken me a long time, so long to get up the courage to say the words out loud and now there was no reaction I don’t know what I was expecting but it was not this.

Peter and I had been together for the past three years for the first year I can truly say that I was happy but for the last two I had just pretended like everything was ok. After all I didn’t want to be the girl that everyone was talking about I didn’t want to be different from everyone else, I had spent my whole life trying blend it so why rock the boat. But for to long now the thought of Peter touching me brought out goose bumps all over my skin and not in a good way, I had lost count of the times we had fought over me not wanting to have sex with him. It wasn’t as if I didn’t feel anything for him and he was a really decent bloke but my heart wasn’t in it anymore and I couldn’t lie to him or me any longer.

‘Are you going to say anything’ I asked looking at him. He sat down at the table ‘I don’t know what you want me to say, it’s a bit of a shock you know. I thought we were happy’. I sat down next to him ‘I’m sorry, but I cant help the way that I feel. I didn’t want things to be this way and I’ve tried to stop myself feeling the way I do but it just wont go away’ I reached out and held his hand ‘Why didn’t you talk to me, so who is she. Have you been seen her behind my back’ He pulled his hand out of mine ‘No its not like that, I just know that I don’t feel the way I should about you anymore. I’m sorry.’

‘I cant believe you kept this from me, do what you want I’m leaving!’ with that he walked out the door.

It hadn’t been an easy thing for me to come to terms with and I think that I had hidden from it for a long time, but it didn’t feel right to lie to Peter anymore and I had to be honest with myself. I had always known that something wasn’t right, had never really felt comfortable but could never put my finger on what was wrong until that day when Emma had walked into our home with Sophie. It was strange as I had seen her around before had chatted to her before and never really felt anything so that day had taken me by surprise. I was sitting at the kitchen table when Sophie had come home with Emma in toe I hadn’t really paid that much attention as I was working on my laptop, I popped my head up to say hello and went back to my work.

A little while later Sophie came into the kitchen. ‘Wanna join us Kate, we’re just gonna watch a DVD’ Sophie had always been comfortable in her own skin and made no secret of the fact that she liked both men and women and it depended on her mood as to which gender she would go for. She had this confidence about her that people loved, she never cared what she looked like and always just wore what she felt comfortable in. Today it was jeans and a men’s shirt her brown hair was tied back which showed her green eyes to their full potential. ‘Yeah why not, I’ve been stuck at this computer all day. Unless your trying to get into her pants I don’t wanna get stuck in the middle of that’ I shut down my computer while I spoke. ‘No mate, she has a girlfriend’ I laughed ‘When has that ever stopped you!’ Sophie winked at me and walked out of the room.

As I walked into the living room Sophie had already sat down I in the arm chair leaving me to sit next to Emma on the sofa, I smiled as I sat down not really knowing her all that well I didn’t really know what to say the lights had been dimmed down for the film ‘What are we watching then?’ I looked at Emma, I didn’t want to seem rude or like I was ignoring her. ‘Its Sophie’s choice, some kind of horror’ As I looked at her I realised how pretty she was, her flawless skin and bright blue eyes her face framed by her blonde hair. She was small with a slight frame. I don’t know what happened to me but my breath caught in my throat as I looked into her eyes and I felt my heart beat speed up. I must have looked like a fool because I couldn’t get my words out and I just kept looking at her and I realised how close we were sitting so I just nodded and turned back to the T.V.

I had no idea what was going on through the film but Emma seemed to be getting closer and closer to me every time she jumped at the film she jumped closer to me. My heart was beating so quickly and my palms were sweating I couldn’t work out what was wrong with me. I could feel the heat from her skin and knew that I shouldn’t be feeling the way I was my stomach was in knots. As the film came to an end Emma was pressed up close to me with her hand on mine. The room was dark as the credits rolled up the screen I noticed that Sophie had fallen asleep, she was the only person I knew that could sleep during a horror film. ‘Sorry about her’ I nodded towards Sophie’s direction. ‘Not to worry, sorry about jumping on you’ She edged away from me and my heart sank a little I felt a chill were her skin had been. ‘So what made the two of you decide to watch a film tonight?’ was my attempt and conversation, anything to keep here near me. I felt so silly though I didn’t know what I was doing or why I wanted her so close to me but I hadn’t felt this way in such a long time. ‘It was Sophie’s idea, she didn’t feel like going out and my girlfriend is away and I didn’t want to be on my own’ Emma had moved round so that her back was against the arm of the sofa with her legs crossed under her. We chatted for hours that night while Sophie slept on the arm chair and I tried to keep her talking I wanted to know everything about her the more she spoke the more I wanted to know, I felt guilty like I was cheating on Peter because of the way that I was feeling but I couldn’t stop myself which was stupid as she was clearly in love with her girlfriend but I was sure there was something between us. By the end of the night we had swapped numbers and arranged to go out for a drink the following weekend my heart sank when she told me she wanted me to meet her girlfriend.

The rest of that week had past in a blur all I could think about was seeing Emma again we had spent the days texting each other and I felt like I knew everything about her she was witty and down to earth. As the days past I had began to think about my own relationship with Peter more and more and realised how unhappy I was how I had swept so many things under the carpet the more my feelings grew for Emma the more I pulled away from Peter. It was so confusing for me I hadn’t even kissed another girl so how could I be feeling this way? I was out of my depth but I didn’t feel that I really had anyone to talk to. It wasn’t fair to talk to Sophie, Emma was her friend it didn’t seem right and Joe was away I just didn’t know what to do.

The following Friday night Sophie and I met Emma and her girlfriend Alice. We had a few drinks in a local bar before moving on to a club, Alice seemed nice enough but I could help feeling jealous of her. Emma and Alice seemed close but I never would have realised that they were a couple. The more we drank the less time they spent together and the more she was talking to me. We were sitting at a table at the back of the club chatting away I had no idea were either Alice or Sophie were but I didn’t care all of Emma’s attention was on me. We sat close together so that we could hear each other speak my hand kept resting on Emma’s thigh and she didn’t stop me I felt nervous and scared all at the same time blood kept rushing to my head and I felt dizzy. Emma lent in to talk to me and I turned my head and all of a sudden we were facing each other with our lips inches apart, I wanted to kisses her it sent shivers down my spin just thinking about it. I don’t know who pulled away first but the next thing I knew Emma was taking my hand ‘Let’s dance she shouted above the music’ she lead me to the dance floor my head was still spinning and I didn’t know what to say or do.

I danced on auto pilot not really thinking about what was going on it was only then that I notice Sophie and Alice dancing they were laughing and joking with each other and didn’t seem to notice us. Emma was dancing so close to me that I didn’t know what to do with my self, she was touching me the way Peter would if we were out together, I felt slightly uncomfortable but I didn’t want it to stop. I wanted to stop thinking so I took Emma’s hand and pulled her closer to me I didn’t know what gave me the courage to do it but I had to see what would happen. Emma came in closer to me and I could see that she was thinking, she wrapped her arms around my waist and her body was touching mine. I could feel the rise and fall of her chest and her heart beating with mine, it sounds stupid but it felt like we fitted together. Her body was moving with mine and I could feel the heat between us the feeling that had been building up over the week. Every time she touched me it felt like my skin was on fire I could feel the wanting inside of me the need to kiss her. The music had faded away and all I could see and feel was Emma all of a sudden the confusion was gone and it was just her and me and then I knew what had been missing why I had been so unhappy and why I had been turning away from Peter’s touch for so long. I could feel Emma’s hand in the back pocket of my jeans she pulled me closer to her and my breath was catching in my throat and again our lips were inches apart I felt my nipples harden I wanted her so much and I was sure that she felt the same and at the moment I didn’t care who saw us together I just wanted to be with her. The week of cheeky flirting texting and now this left me in no doubt that she wanted me to but this was uncommon ground for me I didn’t know what I should or shouldn’t be doing. I looked into her eyes and saw all the same things that I was feeling, my arms tighten around her our bodies pressed together moving to the music we leaned in closer together and I felt kisses on the side of my neck it took a while for my brain to process that it wasn’t Emma kissing me, her had slipped out of my pocket and she stepped away from me and all at once Alice and Sophie were around us and I was spinning into the arms of Peter and his lips were on mine. It was like cold water being thrown over me the feel of Peter pushing against me, I was in such shock that I pushed him away. As soon as I had done it I regretted it, ‘I’m, sorry. You took me by surprise’ I reached up and put my hand round his neck and kissed him back but I wasn’t thinking about Peter. ‘What are you doing here’ I asked when we had broken apart ‘I came out with the lads’ I looked up and saw Peter’s football team had surrounded us. I pulled out of Peter’s arms ‘I’ll be back’ and I pointed towards the ladies and walked away I needed time to sort out my head I had no idea what was going on what I was doing. I walked in to the bathroom which I was shocked to find empty and stood in front of the mirror, my mind was racing and that was the moment that I knew that I had to end things with Peter. I knew that it was Emma that I wanted and I felt sure that she wanted the same thing but I didn’t know what to do about it. I turned away from the mirror and walked into a cubical as I went to shut the door it pushed open and Emma walked in and locked the door ‘I’m sorry, but I couldn’t leave things like that’ she stood close to me backing me against the wall she was standing so close that her nose was touching mine my breathing was hard and fast I could my self shaking with desire. ‘I… don’t I mean I’m..’ I struggled to form words ‘Tell me you don’t want me and I’ll leave’ she pressed her body closer to mine. I don’t know who moved first but our lips were touching and my body melted her lips were so soft I heard myself moan I wanted more my hands were running over her body. Emma’s hands slipped into the back of my hair pulling me down to her, her tongue ran over my lips. It wasn’t the most romantic of places and I knew that people would be wondering where we were but I didn’t care this was what was missing it felt right. Emma’s tongue kept probing my mouth and I kissed her back hungrily until she pulled away from me and looked up at me. Our breathing was heavy and came in short gasps I felt weak with longing my knees were buckling and I didn’t want this to stop I could only manage one word ‘Please’ and she kissed me again this time it was soft and tender and slower than the first kiss but somehow more intense I didn’t know what to do with myself I felt sure that I didn’t want this to stop. She said nothing else but just pulled away from me and walked out of the cubical. I don’t know how I got through the rest of the evening but somehow I ended up at home and in bed with Peter.

The next morning I woke up and I knew that I had to talk to Peter I slipped out of bed careful not to wake him and sat downstairs in the kitchen with a coffee. I wrapped my dressing gown tight around me and pulled my knees up to my chest and cried, I had no idea what to do.

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Click here to continue on to "Becoming - Conclusion"

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