Sapphic Voices Romance
Christmas Blues
“Unseasonably cold and wet tonight,” Nic heard the radio forecast blare as she hurried to finish decorating the
tree. It was Christmas Eve, late afternoon, and she had decided at the last minute to make an attempt to muster
some holiday spirit. Even if the tree was coming down in another week, she didn’t care. Nic was determined not
to let recent events put a damper on her favorite holiday. “Sixty percent chance of precipitation with a chance
of snow as the temperatures drop to freezing after sundown.” She turned the radio off.
“A white Christmas,” she muttered to herself as she placed the last ornament on the tree. “Now that would be a
miracle.” It figures, she thought. A rarity – snow on Christmas, and wouldn’t you know it, I’ll be alone. She hurriedly
stuffed the ornament boxes back on the top shelf of the guest room closet. When she looked down she was once again
reminded of why she’d be alone this Christmas. A box of Ally’s things sat on the floor of the closet. The truth
is they weren’t really Ally’s things. They were all of the gifts Ally had given her in the past eighteen months
since she had moved in. Nic had not been able to bring herself to return them to her. It would have been too hurtful
for both of them. She was waiting until after the New Year. Maybe then she’d be able to stop thinking about all
of the awful things she had said – things shouted in the heat of an argument that could never be taken back.
Nic thought about the batch of cookies in the oven just before the timer buzzed. As she stared at the pre-formed
Christmas trees in the center of the sugar cookies, she chastised herself for not taking the time to actually do
something homemade. Oh well, they smelled good, and besides, by noon the grocery store was a madhouse. No way was
she going to stand in line for butter or sugar on Christmas Eve. The tree was decorated. The cookies were baked,
and soon the cider would be mulling and filling the house with the scent of warm seasonal spices. If that didn’t
break her out of her funk, then nothing could. She dropped a few cloves and a cinnamon stick into the pan of cider
and turned the stove eye to low, absentmindedly looking out of the kitchen window. It was almost dusk and she suddenly
felt cold.
As Nic pulled a soft cotton sweater over her turtleneck, she thought she heard the slam of a car door. She walked
back toward the kitchen and the doorbell rang. “Shit,” she said to herself. Now that she had decided to spend a
quiet evening alone someone shows up at the door. She pulled the sheers away from the sidelight and took in a sharp
breath. It was Ally.
“Crap, crap, crap. Not now,” she muttered. She just stood there for a minute not knowing whether to open the door
or not.
“Nicole, I saw you peek out of the window. I know you’re home. Please let me in. I won’t stay long. Please,” she
heard Ally’s muffled voice plead from the other side of the door.
Nic opened the door, already on the defensive. “You could have called first,” she said coldly, motioning for Ally
to come in.
“Would you have talked to me if I had called?” Ally asked, stepping in and taking off her coat.
“Probably not,” Nic admitted, flatly. “Let’s go to the kitchen. I’ve got something on the stove.”
“I smell cookies and mulled cider.” Ally followed her into the kitchen. “Are you going to share?”
Nic decided to make an attempt to drop her tough act and be civil. “Sure. Give me a minute to get the cookies on
a plate and the cider should be warm enough by then.” She turned away from Ally and began busying herself at the
stove. It was easier not to have to face her.
“There were a few snowflakes coming down on the way over. They say we may even get a couple of inches,” Ally said.
“That’s what I hear,” Nic responded. “It would be nice to have some snow on Christmas.”
When she brought the cider and cookies to the table there was a small wrapped box sitting on the table at her usual
spot. Nic shot a look at Ally that bordered somewhere between ‘how dare you’ and ‘shove it up your ass’. Ally pretended
not to notice the look. She was also doing her best not to go into defensive mode. Nic picked up the box and sat
down at the table. She pushed it back toward Ally.
“Whatever it is, I don’t want it. You shouldn’t have brought it. I don’t think we should be exchanging gifts considering
the circumstances.”
Ally looked down, obviously disappointed. Her eyes began to mist over and Nic saw that she was about to cry.
She softened her tone a bit. “Look Ally, I’m not trying to be mean about this. I’m not trying to punish you or
anything. But we both agreed that it’s over. We don’t give each other gifts if it’s really over. This just makes
things more difficult.”
Ally started to object to what Nic had said. After all, she had never agreed that anything was over. That had been
Nic’s decision. But she didn’t want another argument over semantics. She pushed the small box back toward Nic.
“Please just open it. I got this for you months ago and I can’t return it. Even if I could, I wouldn’t. It’s something
I want you to have regardless of what’s happened between us. Nic, even if we never speak to one another again,
I want you to have this.” Ally stood abruptly and began to put on her coat. “If it makes it easier for you to accept,
I’ll leave so you can open it in private.”
“No, don’t leave.” Nic surprised herself at the speed at which she told Ally to stay. Ally sat down and pushed
her jacket back over the kitchen chair. “At least finish your cider and cookies,” Nic said as she began to carefully
unwrap the small box. When she opened the box her mouth dropped open. Ally was staring and smiling.
“How did you … where did you …” Nic was getting choked up as she stared at the small brooch inside the box. She
picked it up gingerly, turning it in her fingers. “It’s amazing. It looks just like the original.”
“I know,” Ally agreed, smiling. “I had it made two months ago. I found a picture of your mother wearing it and
enlarged the pin enough for a jeweler to be able to replicate it. It wasn’t easy to save it for Christmas. You
were so heartbroken after you lost it. I wanted to give it to you as soon as I picked it up from the jeweler.”
Now Nic was crying. “I can’t accept this Ally. It’s too much. I don’t even want to think about how much it cost
you to have it made.”
“Then don’t think about it. Don’t you want it?”
Nic pulled a tissue from her pocket and dabbed at her eyes. “Of course I want it. I just don’t think I should take
it, considering the circumstances.”
Ally scooted her chair closer to Nic and looked intently into her eyes. “That’s the second time since I got here
that you’ve used that phrase, ‘considering the circumstances’. All I want for you to do tonight is to consider
the circumstances, Nic. Now that we’ve both had a chance to calm down over the last couple of weeks, I’m asking
you to please talk to me about what happened. Please give me a chance to explain what you saw.”
Nic put the brooch back in the box and closed it. She pushed it, once again, toward Ally. “What I saw was the woman
I love kissing one of my best friends. Usually, what something looks like is what it is.”
Ally closed her eyes and took in a deep breath, exhaling slowly to calm herself. “Maybe in most cases, but not
this one. Have you even spoken to Jen since that night? She told me you won’t return her calls. She said she was
going to mail you a letter. Nic, she’s absolutely sick about this.”
“No, I haven’t spoken to her. There’s an unopened Christmas card on my desk. Maybe she put a letter in it. What’s
the point? Isn’t she just going to tell me the same thing you did?”
“I told you the truth and so will she. I’m not a liar Nic, and neither is she.”
“No, Ally, I don’t think you’re a liar. But even the most honest people will lie when they’ve been cheating. I
told you from the beginning that is one thing I would not tolerate, not after what happened with Michelle.”
Ally became visibly angry, but she struggled to maintain calmness in her voice. Despite that, her choice of words
was not at all indicative of calm. “Jesus, Nic, I am not your ex-girlfriend. I am not some cheating, conniving,
skanky slut that would fuck any random bitch who’d buy her a drink.” Realizing how horrible what she had just said
sounded, Ally lowered her head into her hands and shook it back and forth. “I’m sorry Nic. I didn’t mean to say
all of that.”
Nic actually chuckled. “Yes you did. Besides, throwing insults at Michelle certainly isn’t going to hurt my feelings.
But to be fair, she wasn’t skanky.”
Ally looked up at Nic and smiled. “Well, she sure acted skanky. Anyway, that’s not the point. The point is I do
not want to be judged by what your ex-girlfriend did. I’m sorry about how she treated you. I’m sorry you were cheated
on and I’m sorry she hurt you. Have I ever given you any reason to think I wanted to be with someone else?”
“No,” Nic answered flatly. She knew Ally was right. Everything she had said that night came back to her and in
a moment she realized she had never given Ally a chance to defend herself. Her mind had immediately flashed back
to finding Michelle in bed with another woman, and nothing she said or did after that remotely approached logic
or reason. She had said some vile things to Ally that night and had stormed away from the party leaving her sobbing
in the wake of her blinding anger.
“Have I ever given you any reason to believe I don’t love you?”
“No.”
“Then don’t you think I deserve at least five minutes of your time to explain what you saw at Jen’s party that
night?”
Nic sat back and let her shoulders relax; a visible sign she was dropping her defensiveness. “Yes, Ally, you deserve
an opportunity to explain. Go ahead. I promise not to interrupt.”
Ally took in a deep breath and spoke. “I’m sure you noticed that throughout the night that Jen had way too much
to drink. In fact, when we got there she already seemed half- way to wasted.”
Nic nodded. “That’s true.”
“Anyway, I walked into the kitchen to use the sink to wash my hands. Jen was getting more ice for the beer tub.
She started telling me how happy she was that you and I were together. She said she had never seen you happier
and that she really thought I was … well … she used the phrase ‘the love of Nic’s life’. The more she talked about
it, the more maudlin she seemed to get. Then I noticed she was crying. I walked closer to her and asked her if
she was okay.
“She said she was okay. She said she was just happy for us and admitted that she was jealous of our relationship.
She told me she hoped one day that she’d find someone to love her like we loved one another. Then she just spontaneously
wrapped her arms around me and hugged me. Before I knew it, she looked at me and planted one on my lips just as
you walked through the door. That’s what you saw Nic. You saw your drunken best friend be … well, I guess inappropriately
affectionate might be a good term. But Nic, it was harmless. She was drunk and in no way was she coming on to me.
And I in no way kissed her back. It was all awkward and innocent in a way that those kinds of moments with a drunken,
maudlin person are.” Ally looked at Nic, waiting for her to make eye contact or acknowledge what she’d said.
Nic looked at her and half grinned. “That does sound like something Jen would do when she’s drunk.”
“So you believe me?” Ally asked hopefully.
“I do believe you, but how do you know she wasn’t coming on to you?”
Ally rolled her eyes. “I know when someone is coming on to me, Nic, drunk or otherwise. Besides, it was a lip press,
not an ‘I’ll give you a taste of what you’re missing’ kiss. Give me some credit here.”
Nic laughed out loud. “Okay. I give. I’m an idiotic bonehead who can be a big stubborn ass sometimes.”
“So you forgive me?”
“Ally, there isn’t anything to be forgiven – not anything you have done. I’ve repeated those awful things I said
that night over and over in my head. I just hope you can forgive me for those things. That’s the boneheaded part.
Then you need to forgive me for waiting two weeks to let you explain. That’s the stubborn ass part.”
“First get Jen’s card off of your desk and read the letter inside. I promised her if I got you to talk to me tonight
that I’d try and convince you to read it.”
Nic stood. “I’ll get it. Wait here.” When she got back to the table she was half finished reading and was already
crying. She sat and continued to read.
Ally reached out and took her hand. “Well?”
Nic sucked in air as she tried to stop crying and compose herself. “Well, like I said, I’m a boneheaded ass who
treated my girlfriend and best friend like crap just because of my ridiculous sense of pride.”
“You forgot ‘stubborn’.”
“Now you’re just trying to make me laugh so I’ll stop crying,” Nic said. She raised Ally’s hand to her lips and
kissed it very tenderly. “Do you really, sincerely forgive me? Can you forget those awful things I said?”
“Nic, I couldn’t even tell you what all you said that night. That night was a horrible blur. You went into a rage
and yelled and then stormed out so fast, no one knew what was happening. I’ve forgotten it, but Jen hasn’t. She
thinks it was all her fault. You have to call her tonight and tell her you believe us and that all is forgiven.”
Nic looked down, ashamed, and not at all eager to talk to Jen. “It’s late. I should call tomorrow.”
“Uh, no, you should call tonight. It’s not really that late. Besides, do you think you’ll be able to sleep tonight
if you two don’t get this behind you? I’ll text her and if she responds then you call, okay?”
Nic looked up at Ally. “You’re right. Of course you’re right. Text her, please.”
Ally already had her cell phone out and was quickly pushing the keypad. “Done.” Within a minute her phone sounded
the tone of an incoming text.
“Already?” Nic asked.
Ally laughed. “She wants a picture of us together as proof.”
“No way, I have red, puffy, cry-baby face,” Nic protested. “Let me just call her.” She reached for Ally’s phone,
but it was quickly moved out of her reach.
Ally gave Nic a scolding look. “You’d better indulge her request.”
Nic relented quickly. “Okay, okay. You both are gonna milk my guilt for all it’s worth, aren’t you?”
“You better believe it,” Ally answered, smiling. She sat on Nic’s lap, pressed her lips to her cheek and snapped
the picture. Before Nic could see the picture Ally had sent the photo to Jen. Even before Nic could begin protesting,
Ally’s phone was ringing. Ally remained in her lap and answered the incoming call from Jen.
“It’s for you,” she said, pushing the phone into Nic’s hand.
Nic cautiously raised the phone to her ear. “Jen?” she said, meekly.
“You’re lucky I’m even speaking to you,” Jen replied, but not with a harsh tone. She found it difficult to still
be angry with Nic. Their friendship had endured worse over the last ten years, and she was just relieved that this
unhappy episode was coming to an end.
“I know. Do you forgive me?” There was short pause before Jen answered. It felt like forever to Nic.
“Well, considering it’s Christmas Eve, and seeing as how, well, Christmas is supposed to be about forgiveness and
all, yes, I forgive you. And Nic, I’m sorry I got drunk and did something so stupid that night. Did you read my
letter?”
“Yes. It took a lot of guts to write it and I appreciate that you did. I’m sorry I went off like a madwoman that
night. Neither one of you deserved that. Are we gonna be okay?”
“This Friday night you’re taking me out for a steak and a beer. We’ll be okay after that,” Jen answered.
Nic laughed. “It’s a date.”
“Good, now get back to making up with Ally. I’ll see ya Nic.” Jen hung up.
Nic was smiling when she handed the phone back. Ally got up and put it back in her purse.
“Ally, will you stay here tonight? Stay with me, please.”
Ally turned back toward Nic. “That’s up to you, baby. Are you ready for that?”
“I never should have let you take your stuff and leave,” Nic answered. “It was part of that stubborn ass thing
I had goin’ on. Besides, there’s ice and snow on the roads now. It wouldn’t be safe for you to drive back to Bev’s
place. Her apartment complex is up on that big hill. It’s probably iced over …”
“Nic … stop … just tell me that you love me and I’ll stay.”
“Allison, I love you more than you can imagine.”
“Good, because my bag is in the trunk,” Ally answered. She hugged Nic tightly and then kissed her deeply. “I love
you so much, and two weeks away from our bed has been excruciating.”
Nic raised a lascivious eyebrow. “I could try to fit in two weeks worth tonight.”
“You don’t have that kind of stamina,” Ally said, laughing.
“Sounds like a challenge.”
“It definitely is,” Ally answered. She grabbed her car keys and handed them to Nic. “Get my bag, please.”
~~~~
Nic could hear Ally over the running water as she brushed her teeth with the bathroom door partially closed.
She couldn’t make out what she was saying. She spat and turned the water off. Opening the door, she started into
the bedroom.
“Ally, sweetie, what were … oh … shit …” Nic saw the box in Ally’s hands. The things she had left in the guestroom
closet. Ally looked quite irritated with her. She put the box on the bed.
“I was getting an extra blanket and found all of this in the closet, Nic. Care to explain?”
Nic formed a half grin and then quickly changed her expression in an attempt to look contrite. “I’m sorry baby.
I put all of that stuff in there that same night. I was just so angry. It was stupid and immature. But I promise
you I wasn’t going to do anything with it. I wouldn’t. It just made me feel better not to see any of it in plain
sight. I’ll put it all back in the morning. Please don’t be mad.” She walked up behind Ally and put her arms around
her waist, kissing her neck, and looking over her shoulder into the box. “I’d never throw any of it away. Everything
you’ve given me over the last two years – things I treasure. It was more for safekeeping so I wouldn’t do anything
stupid.” She kissed Ally’s neck again, lingering, hoping to distract her.
“I’m not angry Nic. I understand why you did it, but it still hurts my feelings to see all of this stuff piled
into the box. It looks discarded.” Something caught her eye. She reached in and pulled out a bra and pair of panties.
Holding them up, she said, “Really? I gave you these last Christmas.” She turned and looked Nic right in the eyes.
“You love these. You were wearing these the last time … the last time we made love. Well, they were off by then,
but you know what I mean.”
“That’s why I didn’t want to see them in my dresser. Ally, please, I do love them. I’ll put everything back in
the morning. I promise.” Nic took the blue bra and panties from her and then put the box in the bedroom closet.
“Please, let’s just go to bed.” She gave Ally her best puppy dog eyes and poked out her bottom lip.
Ally laughed spontaneously. “You do the fake pouty face better than anyone I know.”
Nic lowered her head and batted her eyelashes again.
“Okay, okay. But you will have to accept some punishment for this,” Ally said.
“You can spank me all you want,” Nic teased, thrusting her hip out toward Ally and smacking herself on the ass.
“You’re putting the bra and panty set on and you’re wearing that little outfit we came up with a couple of months
ago. Remember the white button down shirt and hat?”
“Of course I remember it. You call that punishment?”
“Okay, so it’s not punishment. It’s more like ‘Ally gets what she wants until she feels like Nic has properly made
up for her bad behavior’.”
“Fair enough. Put the extra blanket on the bed and then get in it. I’ll be suiting up,” Nic said as she disappeared
into the walk-in closet and closed the door. When she emerged, Ally was not in the bed. She heard water running
and the bathroom door was closed. She decided to pose herself at the foot of the bed. She felt like an ass doing
it, but she figured it would be worth the effect. She was wearing the dark blue bra and panty set, an oversized
white button down shirt, with one button closed at the breast, and a black fedora, cocked to the side and down
almost over her left eye. Nic didn’t have much of an ego about her looks, but even she thought she looked sexy
in the get up.
When Ally walked out of the bathroom she saw Nic half reclining at the foot of the bed, giving her a sly look from
under the brim of the hat. “That’s perfect,” she practically whispered, her voice almost lost to the small gasp.
“I really do love that hat.” She took Nic’s hand and pulled her into a standing embrace. She kissed her bottom
lip tenderly, and then began kissing her more insistently, moving her hands up under the fabric of the shirt, feeling
the heat of her lover’s skin. She pulled away from the kiss and smiled at Nic.
“You look pretty damn sexy yourself,” Nic said. Ally had worn black panties and a tight white t-shirt. Nic cupped
her breast, moving her thumb over the nipple and then began nibbling at her neck. “How would you like me tonight?”
she whispered in her ear.
“All over me,” Ally replied, undoing the single button on Nic’s shirt. She then pulled her own t-shirt off and
tossed it in the corner. “By the time I let you sleep tonight, you’ll be exhausted.” She reached one hand into
the backside of Nic’s panties and gave her a teasing squeeze. “Time to get rid of your Christmas blues. But do
it very slowly, and leave the hat on. Whatever else comes off, the hat stays.”
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