Sapphic Voices Romance

The Bride In Pearls And Blood

Part One

Catalina opened her eyes wearily, kissed awake by the bright morning. Her rose colored room seemed brighter because of the sun's white gold rays. It was a cool spring day, in the middle of April. Her window was creaked open, and the two flower pots on the window pane always made her feel as if she was living anywhere but in New York at times. She stood up from her fluffy bed lazily, hugging herself while peering out the second floor window. It felt so good to take in those first breaths of air. It made her feel happy and alive, until she remembered that her room wasn't a dream world, and that everything was exactly the way it was the night before; hopeless. It was hard for her to grasp that her sleep was only a temporary escape to her troubles, but that her countdown still continued. Outside her door, she heard her mother's heavy footsteps. She almost notioned her exact words in her mind before the woman burst into the room joyfully and cried them to her.

"Buenos dias Catalina! Good morning, good morning, my young one. How are you today?"

Catalina mustered up a smile,in an earnest effort to greet her mother with the same joy she expressed. She could see the sadness imbedded in her face in the mirror next to her mother, however. It was so hard for her not to smile though. She loved her, however miserable the predicament she was putting her through made her.

"I'm fine mother.. Is breakfast ready?.."

"Certainly young lady! It's waiting for you downstairs at the table, so hurry on and clean up before it gets cold. We're going to go see Maria today.. She's so efficient. She called me yesterday night, and your dress is almost finished, querida! She said we have to go down today to see how it fits because she's going on vacation for the next two weeks. So make haste.. I'll be waiting for you downstairs."

Her mother rushed out of her room happily, closing the door behind her. The sun's rays had vanished behind a fluffy cumulonimbus cloud, and it didn't escape Catalina that it was a symbol of her unhappiness as bitter tears ran down her cheeks. She had turned 18 years old two months ago, and she was to be wed in early July. Her fiancee, a man of about 38 whom she had never met, awaited her in Peru. She had only seen a few pictures of him, and was described to her by her mother as a hardworking man who was very much interested in settling down and having a family.

But I don't want to marry him, mother! I don't want to!

These were the thoughts that raced about her mind everyday. The same ones that she had at that very moment as she pressed her slender fingers against the mirror, and watched more tears rush out, as if they were being summoned. She watched her reflection angrily, wishing her hair wasn't as long and dark, and her skin so clear and tanned, and her legs so slender. She felt that if she didn't look the way she did, she wouldn't be the one getting off at such a point in her life. Deep down inside however, she knew that her outlook didn't so much matter. It was the custom of her people to marry off their daughters young. At age fifteen to be exact. Catalina had only been spared from it so prematurely because her father had insisted on her being given an education. Her family had managed economically to home school her up until now, and since her studies were complete, there would be no more delay. The ceremony had been planned in only 8 months, and there were two more left before she would be sent off to her homeland, her tribe of birth, and there she would marry a man she had never met, to live with him for the remainder of her days. It scared her. This man could be anything but good, or everything but bad. Life with him could be a living hell. The water running down her body didn't distract her from those thoughts. She wanted to run away, to sleep and wake up somewhere else free and unbound, to a place where she could be happy and not have to marry this man, or any man for that matter. She wanted a different kind of love, a kind no such man like the one she would marry could ever give to her.

Stepping out of the shower, she removed the towel from around her head. After lotioning up her skin, she put on a multicolored woven shirt her mother had given her for her 17th birthday, and jeans with red slippers. She brushed her hair slowly by the window, sighing hopelessly, when she noticed a woman sitting on one of the steps that led to her door. She was wearing long, baggy jeans and a shirt that was visibly damp by her sweat. She must have been taking a break from her workout because she seemed exhausted and out of breath, or so it seemed to Catalina. After turning away to heed her mother's impatient call, Catalina looked back at the spot, and saw the woman run off, with a speed that was quite surprising. Something about her took her aback, but she ignored it and ran the stairs, not wanting to upset her mother further.

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She sat silently on the corner listening to her mother chat with Maria about nothing for minutes on end. She looked around the drab,boring apartment. It was small, and somewhat disheveled, with a tank full of tropical fish that were the only source of color aside from the many different fabrics stacked in the shelves. The sofa, the TV, and the kitchen were all decorated with draperies that were well done but colorless, and even the part of the bedspread that could be seen was dark. Caught up her thoughts, Catalina didn't hear her mother telling her to try her dress on. When she snapped back to reality, both women observed her quizzically, wondering what she thinking.

"En que mundo estas mi'ja? Stop daydreaming Catalina, and try your dress on.."

"'Mother.. I really don't want to."

"..Why not? Don't you see how beautiful it has come out to be? What's wrong with you?"

"..Relax Rosa. The young thing is probably nervous that it won't look right on her. Come mamita, don't be shy. I took your measurements just right. I know it will look beautiful on you."

Catalina remained silent for a few seconds, wishing this didn't keep happening to her all the time. It had always been thus, people second guessing her feelings and making assumptions based on what they thought she was thinking, as if her own thoughts didn't count. She wanted to explode, and tell them both to leave her alone, to let her live the life she wanted to live, but she couldn't. She couldn't bring herself to declare such an outward rebellion and it made her hate herself with a passion. Taking the elegant satin gown from Maria's aged hands, and stepped into the woman's bedroom to try it on, while they began to chat again about the economic problems Peru was having at the moment. It didn't take so much of an effort to block those sounds out as she began to take her clothes off. The gown fell over her body easily, hugging her supple curves very subtly. She looked at herself in the large vanity mirror. She had grown thin. The dress didn't fit her. Her mother was somewhat shocked that it didn't. She had assumed Maria had taken the right measurements.

"..Dios mio.. You've gotten thin Catalina. It's not that it looks bad, but I will have to make some adjustments."

"..Try to be exact this time, please Maria.. I don't want to delay her marriage any longer."

"..I will Rosa. But please, be sure she maintains a steady weight. I can't make her a perfect fitting gown if she slims down every so often."

Maria got her measuring tape from above the desktop where her sewing machine lied, and took Catalina's measurements once more just as she had months before. To her, every time she wrapped the tape around her body, she felt as if the locks to her prison were being secured, and she could do nothing but lift up her hands and surrender.

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A few nights later, Catalina and her family sat together at the table, enjoying their supper. Or rather, her family was enjoying the food. Catalina herself wasn't. Her older sister was visiting them for a month, and she was joyfully discussing how kind a person Felicio, Catalina's fiancee, was. By what she said, he was a mellow man, with a strong sense of responsibility, and a rewarding career that would allow him and Catalina to live comfortably. At her father's inquisition, the sister pointed out that he was also a devoted person, faithful to God, and very proud of his heritage, and customs.

Yeah.. So in other words, he's another backward person still holding on to these silly beliefs of the tribe just like the rest of you..

Catalina's bitter thoughts were interrupted by the sound of her father's deep voice. When she looked up, she saw all of them, looking at her curiously.

"What's the matter Catalina? Eat, child. Your mother told me what happened with your dress. What has got you so distracted that you're not eating?"

"..I'm sorry daddy. I.. I was just thinking about Felicio.. And--"

"Oh, I see. Are you excited that you'll soon marry him?"

"..Um.. Yes daddy.. Yes I am.."

The old timer laughed heartily, and Catalina cursed her life again because she knew that was a question she really had no choice but say yes to. The chatter continued as Catalina forced herself to eat, to not ignite suspicion from her kinsfolk. She heard her mother complain about how she called him "daddy" instead of "papa," saying that she had grown too used to the culture just as she excused herself from the table to bathe. She was growing distant from her family as of late, she realized, yet it wasn't something that bothered her. She wanted to be alone, to get away, and make believe that nothing was happening. She decided to bathe entirely, hair and all, because the feeling of disgust was still lingering in her. Earlier, she hadn't been thinking about Felicio himself, but rather, their wedding night, and how she'd have to endure these man's caresses and kisses, when the mere idea of it was distasteful. But she had to get rid of that feeling. She had to hide it, lest Felicio take notice on that day, and he were to tell her father, so that she'd have to give accounts to him.

"..This is such a nightmare.. How can I tell them that I don't want to be put through this?.. Oh Catalina, you're such a fool.. What makes you think they care?.. They don't. They can't care, and they can't know anything.. I never felt any kind of emotion for a man before.. Why do I, of all people have to be put through all this? It's like fate dealing me a nasty hand.."

Tears mingled with the water on her face as she shut off the shower, and walked to her room wrapped in her towel. Once alone, more tears fell out of her eyes slowly as she got ready for bed. Her wet hair would dampen her pillow but she didn't care.It would be dry by the next day. Observing the window, she looked up at the moon, seeing it illuminate the night. Below, she saw a woman walking. She looked a lot like the one from only a couple of days ago. It wasn't something that distracted her for long though. In her own grief, all she wanted to do was sleep to find some comfort, and dream herself away from her nightmare.

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Catalina sat in her room reading a book when her mother's joyful cheers caught her attention. She was on the phone with Felicio, who was visiting Catalina's grandparents in Trujillo. Shortly after, the woman hung up the phone excited and radiant, as she walked into Catalina's room. He voice was high pitched when she almost screamed the news to Catalina.

"Catalina!"

"..What's all the commotion mother?.."

"I have good news. Felicio has just met with our relatives.. He'd like it if we hastened the wedding for mid June. He dying to meet you!"

"..What?!.."

"Isn't that wonderful? Now we just have to talk with your father to see if he's alright with making new arrangements! I can't wait for him to get home tonight!"

Catalina stood up from her chair, flabbergasted as her mother pranced off to some unknown area in the house. It was like rubbing salt in her bleeding wounds.

"..Hasten the wedding?.. But-- No.. How can I--?"

Minutes went by in silence while she stood there with a heavy lump in her throat. The place around her felt asphyxiating and congested, and before she realized it, she was standing outside her front door, with tears in her eyes, and gasping for air as the pain in her throat intensified. She didn't care if her mother and sister would see her crying through one of the windows. She wanted to let it all out, to release the crushing weights on her chest, feeling that if she didn't, she would choke. She fell to her knees heavily with her face buried in her hands when the indifferent voice of a stranger reached her ears.

"..Tears don't solve anything you know.."

Catalina looked up to see the woman from before, the one whom she would see walk by occasionally. She was wearing a dark coat, watching her from below her steps with a suitcase below her arm. Her tears were interfering with her eyesight, but her quiet cry was difficult to silence as she let the tears run down her cheeks, right in front of the unknown spectator.

The Bride In Pearls And Blood - End of Part One

If you have enjoyed Foreigner's "The Bride In Pearls And Blood - Part One", then please be certain to e-mail at  SeekersRhapsody[at]yahoo.com  and thank her for posting this Story.

Click here to continue on to "The Bride In Pearls And Blood, Part Two"

Click here for a list of all of Foreigner's Stories and Poetry at  Sapphic Voices Authoresses.