Sapphic Voices Romance

The Bride In Pearls And Blood

Part Six

The streets were empty when Catalina stepped out of the building. She adjusted the belt on her jeans, somewhat annoyed at her slim frame. Recalling Damiane's nonchalant tone from minutes before, she felt herself blush at the woman's deep concern for her.

"You're certain about this?.."

"Yes.. I promise to return by tonight.. It's Sunday.. Daddy should be home.."

Damiane's clothing barely hung on to her body, but at least her shoes fit her comfortably. The sidewalk seemed like an endless road as she summoned all of her courage and walked toward her home. The sun hid behind a dark gray cloud just as she set foot on the first step, as if trying to convey some ominous message. The door seemed like a giant gate, and Catalina felt her heart beating faster, but she was determined to overcome her father.

"How do you know he won't retaliate right there and then?.."

"I don't.. But I told you.. I can't live in fear of him.."

It's true Damiane.. I can't live in fear of him.. I am afraid. I can't deny it.. But, I'm not staying this way.. It's time for all this to change. I really wish you could understand me, daddy.. The least of my intentions is for you and I to stand against each other, but I'm not going to be compliant to your bidding anymore. You always said I was incapable of making choices. It isn't true.. I can make them. I do know what I want, even if you never bring yourself to believe it..

Upon a second ring of the bell, the door was opened, and her mother was the one to see her. Her eyes were puffy and reddened, and the area beneath them appeared chafed, as if worn by the repeated caress of rough fabric. The aged woman's jaw slowly dropped open, and she seemed frozen in her place before she opened her arms to her daughter, crying. Catalina hugged her warmly, feeling as though this warm welcome also meant good-bye. The lady could hardly speak because of the tears and emotion that had her so overcome.

"..Catalina.. Thank goodness you have returned.. H--How could you just leave like that?.."

"I'm sorry mother.. I've had a lot on my mind.."

"I'm so--.. so very glad you're alive and well.. I thought you had wound up lost somewhere.. I know it was a terrible night for you... But why run away? Do you know how.. how worried you had me?!"

"Mother.. I'm here now.. And I'm alright.."

The woman's tearfully joyous expression quickly turned fearful. Drying her eyes with her handkerchief, she grasped Catalina by the shoulders, as if to emphasize the urgency of her warning.

"Listen to me! You cannot stay here for long! Your father is furious! He saw what you did with your dress, and he decided to bring Felicio here. He left for the airport hours ago and they'll both be here soon... He's going to beat you when he returns! Catalina, I don't want him to cause you anymore harm! Please--"

"I'm going to wait for them both right here."

"Are you crazy?! Don't you realize that your father doesn't care about anything at this point? He can plainly see that if he doesn't have you marry, he will never be respected again! You yourself will be derided and shunned Catalina! Piensalo bien! We are a Catholic family. You will never receive any kind of respect from anyone back home.."

"I don't care about these things anymore.."

"What?!"

"I'm in love mother. Do you understand? Everything I've done is because I'm in love. I'm not going to be forced to marry someone I will only be miserable with for the rest of my life. My happiness lies elsewhere. This emotion is what's driving me to stand against everything you have both taught me, and there's no turning back at this point."

Her mother stared at her blankly for minutes. Catalina had walked over to sit in the couch, observing a family portrait taken when she was around 14. She knew that where this conversation was headed would tear her even further apart from them, but she told herself that everything had already been decided. She felt more emotion about leaving with Damiane than about leaving her family behind at this point.

"..Catalina.. Perhaps it isn't too late.. Maybe your father and this man you want can arrive at some kind of a resolution so that you can marry him and--"

"That isn't going to happen.."

"You don't know that Catalina. Please, give this a chance!"

"Mother, do you honestly think Felicio can just be pushed aside like some worthless piece of trash?.. Besides--"

"Besides what? I'm looking out for a way to have you married with who you want, so that everything will be alright again! Just tell me! Who is he?!"

"Her name is Damiane."

The handkerchief in the woman's hands glided to the floor. The silence reigned as both met each other's eyes. Catalina observed her mother's trembling hands, while the woman pulled herself to the love seat and sat down, shocked. Her words were hushed at first, and she realized that her mother was soon due to explode. However few the times she had become upset in the past, she would always nearly whisper just before chiding.

"..Catalina.. How could you?.. A woman?"

"Yes. A woman."

"How can you be so natural about such blasphemy?! Do you realize the gravity of the sin you have committed?! Have you no Christian principles?!"

"I'm not giving her up. I've come here to tell you all the truth, and to establish our connection again .. I don't want there to be anymore friction between us. You're all my family and I love you, so I want us to be at peace, but I need you both to call off this marriage.. I need you to accept me for what I am."

"Come to your senses! How do you think you can reconcile our faith and that demonic emotion you feel for her?! You will burn in the fires of hell for eternity! These things are all inspired by the devil!"

"There is nothing diabolical about what I feel. I love her.."

"You love you her?! Don't be foolish! Love can only exist between a man and a woman! All else is an aberration!"

"Enough mother. I want to hear no more of this. You and my father are both twisting our faith to suit your liking. Father assailed me because I refused to marry. You and my sister had multiple arguments with me when suddenly I didn't do all of the things you wanted me to do in this house. Tell me, isn't it a blasphemy to our faith to abuse people? What about the vow of our religion to uphold the worth of every human being? Why did you and father always place such a heavy domestic burden on me mother?"

"These are all things that are part of our lives! The fact that you are a person doesn't exempt you from all of your responsibilities as a woman!"

"I'm not holding a grudge anymore, but the truth is that you were only using me. Daddy was doing the same thing too. Both of you sat there all of this time, imposing this marriage on me, looking for the "right man" for me as though you know all that dwells in my heart.. Was there ever a moment in which either of you didn't take my consent for this marriage for granted? Did you or daddy ever stop to consider that maybe I don't want to marry?.."

"Catalina, these are the way things are and you have to--!"

"Mother, please don't lie to me! All of these years, the both of you have kept me under such control! I cannot and will not accept any of it! As much as love you, I have my own will and I can't allow myself to stand idly while father selfishly decides my life for me! Think back to 5 years into the past! Did Carolina really want to marry?! Was I the only one who could see the tolerant grin she sported all through the ceremony? Look at her now! She's stuck in Peru with 4 young children and a man that's nothing short of a beast while father and you remain here, pretending there's nothing wrong with how badly he treats her!"

Enraged, the woman stood up and slapped her angrily. For Catalina, that physical pain was minimal compared to the pain she felt only empathizing with her sister.

"How dare you! You know quite well that we cannot meddle in their affairs! They're husband and wife, and she should obey him! If she did, she wouldn't be getting insulted all the time!"

"Your blindness doesn't change the facts mother.. Carolina didn't have to live this kind of life. You both rushed her into all this and she wound up with some scoundrel who only cares about gambling and all his other stupid vices while she can hardly make enough to keep those children from starving.. What use do these customs have for her now, tell me?! That is the life I don't plan on living! And it's the reason why I've come back here! I want to resolve this problem, before I go."

"You're leaving?! And just where the devil will you go?!"

"Far away mother. Somewhere where I can be myself. Where I can be happy without having to obey to these absurd rules you and father uphold.. I'm going to go upstairs to pack all of my things while he gets here."

"You're crazy! I may stand against your father's brutality Catalina, but you will never have my support for any of this! This is blasphemy to everything our beliefs represent!"

Exasperated, Catalina yelled back at the woman, enraged that she was still manipulating something so sacred for the sake of her own interests.

"Stop using our religion as your shield mother! Don't keep telling me that this is blasphemy! Blasphemy is all that you have been doing to me! Aren't all of us one and free in Jesus Christ?! Why then must I do all that you want me to even when I'm against it?! I'm not letting you utilize me anymore! This isn't the way things are supposed to be!"

She ascended up the stairs upset, bursting into her room. Her mother followed her close behind, yelling back at her innumerable things she didn't bother listening to. Sliding open the door to her closet, she yanked out her large tote bag and began folding her shirts into it, ignoring her mother's rants. She may have heard a million demanding yells and questions, but all of them went unanswered. Wanting to avoid raising her voice at the woman again, she kept silent while stuffing the travel bag with jeans, jewelry, and the certificate she had received upon completing her schooling. It was only equivalent to a high school degree, but she decided she'd do everything in her power to pursue her education further once she was away from her family. Subconsciously, she expected her mother to strike her for the second time to get her attention, but the woman only kept yelling at her, standing in her way trying to stop her, to no avail. Just as she plopped her second pair of shoes into the bag, her mother fell silent allowing for the sounds of a parking car to be heard. She observed the woman run towards her window, then rush out of her room soon after. Taking a glance from window herself, she noticed the iron bars that had been placed around it, and down below, her father's dark blue Chevrolet had parked. Both he and Felicio had emerged from inside when she saw her mother run out to see them. There were probably 5 or 6 seconds of dialogue between them before her father followed her mother into the house, as did Felicio. Sighing heavily, Catalina pushed in her favorite literature books and forcibly zipped up the bag, taking it with her as she descended down to the living room, preparing herself for the greater showdown.

......................................................................................................

Catalina observed Felicio carefully when she finally stood before him. His countenance was full of concern and longing as he looked back at her. He was a diminutive man, not much taller than her father who stood about 5 feet 5 inches. His spiked black hair appeared recently combed, and his brown eyes seemed tired, but very aware of what was going on. He wore a violet flannel shirt and blue jeans, clothing that only accentuated his stocky build.

Thirty eight huh.. He'd look 50 were it not for all that black hair. You've gone as far as bringing this man here father? Is there no limit to your selfish pride?..

"Hasta que apareces, mal agradecida.. Where the hell have you been these past 4 days?!"

" That doesn't matter.. I'm here to talk to you."

"First you're telling me where the hell you're going! Your mother just told me of your crazy idea!"

Her reply was cut short when her mother interjected. She remained silent while the woman told him every word they had exchanged earlier in Spanish. When Damiane's name came up, her father looked back at her, flabbergasted, and Felicio could only mimic the man's shock upon glancing at her. She remained still and undaunted where she was, clutching the heavy tote bag with one hand. The fear she felt before setting foot in the house was gone. All she felt at the moment was anger, an emotion that was spurred on by Felicio's unnecessary presence. Catalina looked back at him, feeling the fury in her face. Her father's bellowing voice was the only thing to break her out of her trance.

"..How can you be in love with a woman?! You reject all that we've taught you?!"

"Father, all my life, the only thing I've learned while living here is to listen and do what you say. You've utilized my faith against me, to mold me into what you want me to be. I want this to change. I've fallen in love with her and I want you to accept it. I won't be returning here for a long time. Please.. Let there be no more quarrels between us."

"Why you little fool! How dare you--"

"Enough is enough.. You don't care about anything father, and I refuse to live Carolina's life. Acknowledge it that I'm my own person. I'll always respect you, but I'm not going to marry this man, or any other."

Catalina's respectful words did little to quell the man's anger. It was upsetting enough for him that she had gone as far as defying his authority because he slapped the girl seconds after she finished, trembling with fury. She fell back against the staircase, shaken by the attack, but she didn't even get to catch her breath before her father carried on slapping her violently. She would have probably lost all consciousness had it not been for Felicio's intervention. While she rubbed her throbbing cheek, Felicio talked her father into a halt, telling him not to let out his anger through violence. Her shock was unimaginable when she heard the man say to her father that since she had been found, the time for the ceremony was at hand. She had perceived something much different from the stranger before, but at that moment, she realized that he was no different from her father. A flash of lightning struck, illuminating the room for a second, and Catalina's attempts at escaping were foiled when her father picked her up and carried up the stairs, after heeding Felicio's words. Dismayed at her father's backward reaction, she tried to set herself free but her resistant punches and screams did nothing to keep the man from locking her in her room. She couldn't bring herself to believe the greatness of her father's selfish brutality. Even when she had returned with hopes of bonding with him, the man had only forced his way upon her once more. That realization ignited her rage, and all and any thought of ever drawing close to her family again were disregarded completely. Growing desperate, she started to bang her fists against her door, as her mind began to jump to wild conclusions that allowed very little of her self control to come through. The hours of protests exhausted her however, and eventually she surrendered, sinking to the floor hopeless and enraged. The rain intensified with the passing time, dulling the day to a stark dark gray. It must have been late into the afternoon when her door was unlocked and her mother came in. Catalina felt sickened by the smell of the food in the tray she held.

"..I've brought you something to eat..''

"I don't want anything.."

"Come on. Don't be stubborn. You haven't had anything all day.. Hurry and eat."

"..I want nothing!"

"Catalina, eat the food. You have to get ready. They spoke after that earlier incident and Roberto decided to just get this over with. He spoke with the father personally a couple of hours ago, and they reached an agreement. As soon as they return, they'll take you to church. You'll spend the night there in penitence, and tomorrow afternoon you will be married.."

Catalina looked back at her mother angrily. She found it hard to believe she was being put through penitence because she was in love. The notice of her sudden marriage brought her an even greater shock.

"What are you talking about?! Saint Francis of Assisi clearly specifies that you have to let them know of a wedding six months prior to the event!"

"As always, you're not listening to me.. Roberto and the father of the church already arranged everything, and you'll marry tomorrow at 3 o'clock. So hurry up and eat. They're out right now getting you a dress, Felicio and your father. As soon as they return, they'll take you to church for the night and you'll be back here tomorrow morning so I can prepare you.. The ceremony will be discreet, and after that, you and Felicio will depart for Peru on Wednesday."

"Mother, how can you and daddy put me thought something like this?! What have I done for the both of you to force me into everything as if I were a stubborn animal?!"

"These are our customs Catalina. They've been our traditions for years, and things will not come to change now. Aside from that, the sin you have committed is among the most shameful anyone can ever commit. You must be purified before you become his wife. Now come on. Eat. As soon as you're done, I'll do your hair so we don't spend so much time preparing you tomorrow."

Although her feet were numb after sitting for hours, it almost seemed effortless when she sprang to her feet, slapping the tray off of her mother's hands, enraged. The hot soup that landed all over the woman's chest forced a shriek out of her.

"What the devil are you doing Catalina?! Are you trying to burn the skin off of me?!?"

"GET THE HELL OUT MOTHER! I HATE YOU!!"

The woman left the room shaken, but she made sure she locked the door on her way out. Sinking back to the ground, Catalina felt defeat taking over her. An earlier explosion of rage had sent all of her belongings to the floor and she grabbed on the nearest pillow beside her, biting it to vent out her frustration and crying bitter tears. She cursed herself for having had been foolish enough to believe that her family would respect her decisions as she sat alone in the darkness of the falling dusk. It made her wish she had just left everything and stayed with her lover.

How could I have been stupid enough to think they would care?.. Coming back looking to restore normality only pushed everything to drastic extremes.. All because of your selfishness father. All you ever think about it yourself. You lowlife. Felicio, that scoundrel, he's just like you. All this time you've always been so needlessly strict, so demanding, and even when I'm old enough to take charge of my own life you want to impose yourself upon it, as if my existence is an extension of yours.. You're not getting away with it.. I refuse to be with anyone but her. So go ahead and do your worst; you're not having your way.. Because I'll sooner die than end up with someone like you..

......................................................................................................

The tears tears amassed in the young woman's eyes threatened to overflow as she kneeled on the red velvet stand in the middle of the church. The air smelled softly of the white roses that had been placed on the altar to appropriate the simple but formal upcoming ceremony. Her family and future husband had left her to the care of the father about two hours before, and the official had lead her to the altar, where she remained locked in prayer. In her mind, Catalina had deemed them last words as she discreetly caressed the scissors caught in her stocking. They were the same ones she had used to rip her first dress apart, and the only weapon she had access to once she decided she would carry out the ultimate act of her rebellion hours before. The father's footsteps echoed in the empty church as he walked by behind her in silence. She felt as though he was there to judge her, and she wasn't mistaken. When he was far enough for her to see, there was hatred in his Aztec eyes. From his spiteful glance, Catalina guessed her father's tongue had been loose enough to reveal to him her so called sin. His disdain didn't affect her much however. There were greater worries in her troubled mind, even as remained in a sacred trance, repeating prayers of forgiveness over and over.

Señor mío, Jesucristo, Dios y hombre verdadero. Creador, Padre, Redentor mío, por ser tu quien eres, bondad infinita y por que yo te amo sobre todas las cosas, me pesa de todo corazón haberte ofendido,
también me pesa porque puedes castigarme con las penas del infierno. Animado con tu divina gracia,
propongo firmemente nunca mas pecar, confesarme y cumplir la penitencia que me fuera impuesta,
para el perdón de mis pecados.

The simple gown she wore felt like a great weight. Her puffy silk skirt rubbed against the velvet of the stand, making it difficult for her to remain still. Earlier, when her father forced her to dress up, she had made the mistake of yelling to him that Damiane wouldn't hesitate to come looking for her. It worked against the girl, for the man decided to send off fully ready for the upcoming ceremony, erasing any hope she had of being saved by her lover. She now remained in her holy prison, feeling physical discomfort on top of all the emotional pain. Her mother's jewelry was heavy and uncomfortable. The oversized pearl studs weighed down on her ears, and the choker necklace felt rather tight. The elegant bun her mother had done her hair into was so tight that her scalp ached and she realized it had been her aged woman's way of punishing her for their earlier encounter. Aside from everything, her shoes were tight, and the temperature was making her sweat, despite what little movement she made. The father had vanished into the chapel outside, and she caressed her thigh for another time. Her prayers sounded like meaningless chants in the beginning to her, but over the two hours she had spent there, they had become her only way of building up her courage.

Pésame Dios mío y me arrepiento de todo corazón de haberte ofendido.Pésame por el infierno que merecí
y por el cielo que perdí; pero mucho mas me pesa porque pecando ofendí un Dios tan bueno y tan grande como tu; antes querría haber muerto que haberte ofendido, y propongo firmemente, ayudado por tu divina gracia, no pecar mas y evitar las ocasiones próximas de pecado.

Both regret and melancholy took over her as she recalled the days of her life. They seemed so heavy and at the same time so brief, that it pushed the tears out of her eyes finally. She could feel her mascara loosening around her eyes and her salty tears running along her rose colored lips. Her breaths were becoming laboring sighs as she closed her eyes, reminiscing of the day she and Damiane met. She recalled the flaxen of her lover's hair, the strange green of her eyes, and the soft scent that had seduced her just a few nights before into surrendering to her her body and her soul all in one night. She missed all of their long chats, her jokes, her self loving demeanor, everything. The woman had become her reason for existing; the bright light in the darkness. Being torn away from her felt no different than the stab she about to tip herself. Clutching the skirt, she pulled out the scissors from her tight stocking discreetly. It trembled in her hands as she recalled a verse in the bible that said it was not up for man to guide even his own step, and she offered one last prayer to the crucifix before her, begging for forgiveness.

Yo confieso ante Dios Todopoderoso, que he pecado mucho de pensamiento, palabra, obra y omisión:
por mi culpa, por mi culpa, por mi gran culpa. Por eso ruego a Santa María, siempre Virgen,
a los ángeles,y a los santos ,que intercedan por mi ante Dios, nuestro Señor. Aqui termina mi vida, Padre, y no por obra de tus manos. La amo demasiado, y aunque ellos me condenen, asi me hicistes tu. Se que esto es pecado, pero mas grande una falta seria que yo me una a el, sin amarlo. Perdoname, Dios mio.

Perdoname.

Her blood tainted her spotless gown slowly after she pulled out the scissors from her midriff. The pain was overwhelming, but nothing came out of her, not even a wince. She had gotten on her feet to go through with the act, but her legs began to wobble and she collapsed on her knees, laboring her breathing. She heard doors being pulled open, and she thought they were the entrance to the next life as she slumped onto the floor. She would have responded to the shout with her name, had she had the strength to do so.

"Catalina!"

Damiane rushed into the church, noticing the girl's blood as soon as she entered. Once at her side, she took her in her arms, trying to get her to acknowledge her. The father had rushed back into the church, observing the scenery with dismay.

"Dammit! What have you done?!"

The woman was only replied with labored words, and without wasting another second, she picked Catalina up off the floor, and rushed past the father to take her to a hospital.

"Wait a minute! Who are you?! You can't--

"Shut your damn mouth you idiot ! Weren't you supposed to watch her while she was here?! If she dies, I'll rearrange your face worse than I did her father's!!"

Rushing out to her car, Damiane placed Catalina in the passenger's seat, then sped off toward the nearest hospital. All through the trip, she held on to the girl's hand, keeping a close eye on her. She absently prayed that the girl held on as she sped down the wet streets of the city.

The Bride In Pearls And Blood - End of Part Six

If you have enjoyed Foreigner's "The Bride In Pearls And Blood - Part Six", then please be certain to e-mail at  SeekersRhapsody[at]yahoo.com  and thank her for posting this Story.

Click here to continue on to "The Bride In Pearls And Blood, Conclusion"

Click here for a list of all of Foreigner's Stories and Poetry at  Sapphic Voices Authoresses.