Sapphic Voices Romance

Love Out Of Fear

I was 19 years old. I was a sophomore at Gildens College For Girls. I was the top of my class and one of the sisters in the Phi Delta Theta. I was dating a guy who was a football player at another college. He was gorgeous. He had that full head of shiny brown hair and these big blue eyes that could cut through you like air. But what he had in looks he lacked in compassion. We were engaged. I know what your thinking but I loved him and I knew that he only hit me because he loved me. That was his way of teaching me not to do this or that. Well... I thought I loved him. One night John got very drunk. That was his name John Holdstein, quarterback for the Ridewood Ravens. He had been drinking a lot that night. We went back to his place. I began to help him up the stairs to his bed. His foot tripped on one of the stairs and he fell. Didn't hurt him or anything. I bent over to help him up and he got very angry. He grabbed my arm and told me I made him trip. I began to cry and told him I didn't and asked him if he was ok but I knew what was about to happen. He said don't act all innocent Anna you made me trip and you know it. Then he grabbed my other arm and pushed me down the stairs. I went barreling down a flight of wood stairs. I stayed in the hospital for two months I guess it was. I was in and out of consciousness the entire time. I had serious injuries. Broke my leg in three places, dislocated and broke my left arm, gave me a concussion, broke my nose, and broke my pelvis. I thought at the time that that was what I deserved that I might have actually made him trip somehow. He came to me in the hospital and apologized and begged my forgiveness and as usual I took him back. My best friend Jade didn't talk to me much after I took him back that time. I hated that to. There was something about Jade that I found hard to resist guess you could say I had a lil crush on her. She fused at me told me I was a damn fool for going back to that asshole she slipped and said that she would never do me the way that he did me. I knew inside she was right, I should have been shot for it to but I thought I loved him and that he loved me. I thought it wasn't until the next accident that I left him and had him arrested. Jade had been with me through thick and thin. I could count on her for everything. We had been friends since junior high so that was about four years to that date. She was the most beautiful, smartest, and funniest laid back girl I knew and I loved her with all my heart to.She had long chestnut hair and emerald green eyes that seemed to be on fire with the lil hint of red in each eye. She had soft tanned perfect skin and tapered hands and a figure that would put Aphrodite to shame. Course she would say the same about me cept I know I am far from having her looks. I do admit that I do kinda look good though just not as good as jade. We called each other the glamour pusses of our sorority. Well one night there was a party at Johns sorority. We went me, john, and jade. Jade didn't have a date, I never really knew her to have much to do with guys dating wise but I never questioned it either course I always thought she was just bi or uninterested at the time. She always seemed to be very dedicated to me and just me. She always knew just what I needed or wanted to hear, she was honest, she always found some special way to touch me and make me feel soo good somehow. I also knew she hated john with all her might so I figured she thought all guys were like him. Well at the party john again had been drinking a ton. I knew that when John got drunk I got hurt and Jade kept me with her all night. I had to get up early for class the next day and was pretty tired and I knew John wasn't ready to go yet so Jade told me that we would go. I went up to John and told him "honey me and jade are leaving I have an early class tomorrow and Im tired." I could then see hi eyes go red. He grabbed me by the arm and jerked me outside and told me I wasn't going anywhere not until he was ready t go and that I definitely wasn't going anywhere with that Dyke Jade. I began to cry and yelled at him that I was leaving whether he liked it or not and for him to go home and get sober before something happens. He slapped me to the ground and thats when Jade came hauling ass out the door and jumped him and began trying to beat the crap out of him. He threw her up against a tree knocking her unconscious. He picked me up and threw me into the car. He began flying down the curvy road swerving all over the place. I sat back, petrified. I looked over that the speedometer to find him going 85. He began to scream at me some more and hitting me then he leaned over bout running off the road opened my door and pushed me out the car. I went flying out of the racing vehicle and down a steep ditch and into a tree. Three weeks later I woke up in intensive care of the hospital jade sitting by my side holding my hand her head resting on my stomach. I saw that she was napping and had been crying. I gently woke her up by brushing her hair out of her face. She woke up and smiled asking me if I was ok and got all excited to see me. " I was scared to death you almost didn't pull through. Are you ok? do you need anything? I don't know what Id do without you." I told her I was fine and asked about John. She looked to the ground didn't seem to sad except for the fact that she had to be the one that had to break the news to me. "Johns dead" "How?" I asked. "He had a very bad accident shortly after you were thrown from the vehicle." I almost began to cry but then I found myself glad he was dead. I didn't ask anything else about his accident. I couldn't think about it right then. Id get further details later. I told myself its not like he's going anywhere then wondered why in the world I thought that about my dead fiancee. I laughed about it anyway. Weeks went by. We went to Johns funeral. Fake tears were shed. I found that I hated john now. I also learned that john had been cheating on me with a ton of other girls all of which were at the funeral. Then one night me and jade were studying for our calculus exam that we had in a few days. We were sitting on the floor in our room ( we shared a room in our sorority home). We had been drinking a lil to help us relax and not stress it helped us to study a little bit better. Well we didn't really study much. We couldn't. We sat there and talked and talked for hours. I felt something inside me for jade. I found that I wanted her that I had feelings for her. I tried to brush it away cause I thought she would never feel that way about me. She then told me that she had a confession to make. "Anna. There's something I have to tell you and I hope this don't change anything between us cause I could never live without you but Im a lesbian." I felt relief flow through my body. I wasn't sure what I would be considered and so I proceeded to tell her my feelings for her. She admitted that she felt the same.WE then found ourselves starring deep into each others eyes. I leaned forward and kissed her. We then found ourselves in a night of passion and waking in each others arms the next morning. The next day was Saturday so we spent all day together. We talked about the previous night and then what was to happen. We decided that we wanted to b together so I asked her to be my girlfriend and of course she said yes. Few years went by our love grew in a daily relationship and nights upon nights of long passionate embraces and kisses. We graduated from school and decided to move up north t make a life for ourselves. I never knew love til I met Jade. I thought I loved all of those people in my past but it wasn't love. What jade and I have is real love and its something I wouldn't and couldn't ever bare to lose. Jade saved me from a life of fear and gave me a life of love and happiness. Now she has given us a beautiful little girl named Arden.She's three now going on four. She's so beautiful she has Jades eyes somehow and her wonderful caring funny personality and my face. We have a beautiful home in Ohio and both have excellent jobs. Life couldn't be more perfect and I couldn't be happier.
John brought me fear. Jade brought me love.

If you have enjoyed §ara's "Love Out Of Fear", then please be certain to e-mail her at  Chikadeebey[at]yahoo.com  and thank her for posting this Story.

Click here for a list of all of §ara's  Stories and Poetry at  Sapphic Voices Authoresses.