Sapphic Voices Romance

Love's Sacrifice

:Old woman walks out onto her porch to find a young boy sneaking around her woods spying on her:
:She calls out to him to come over to her immediately:
:boy comes running up onto porch in fear:
Whats with you boy? What in the hell is possessing you to spy on me everyday? What you so curious about?
:boy looks down scared and embarrassed:
Nothing maam. I was just seeing if all the stories about you I hear in town are true.
:Women sits down in rocker and motions for the boy to have a seat too:
Well boy I know what stories you been hearin. Let me tell you the true story about me. How things REALLY are and were.

There comes a time in everyones lives where a decision must be made. The decision to laugh, to cry, to live, to die, to hate, or to love. For me I made all of these choices and they all lead me to one path, to one person.

I never really thought of myself as a spinster or someone that would turn out to be so alone and grumpy. I am the towns Ouiza as some like to call me. I wasn't always like this though. I once was a young beautiful girl who could have anyone I pleased. But it wasn't until I had one person that had my heart and broke it that I turned this way. Sitting here in this big ol' empty house, the most curious lady, the loneliest lady in town, thinking I will never again find love and never again let it back into my life. The only love I had come to know after the terrible heart break was the love of my trusty pug Mr. Wilbur and the damn dog died two years ago chasing a goodwill truck down the road. Damn dog had less sense than a doornail but he was loyal and that was all that mattered to me.

OK so to get to the point. I know thats why you are sitting here you wanna hear what in the hell my problem is well ok so shut the hell up sit the hell down and hand me that bottle of vodka and listen up cause I ain't repeatin this again. This is the first time I've spoken of this for thirty something years and the last time I'll speak of it till I die. But I was twenty. I had a ton of male suitors but I never wanted a man I had always found myself taken with the young girls to. But we never talked or admitted to such things like that in my day it was unacceptable but that was me. The closet case lesbian prom queen. I was a writer back then as well. I had just finished a piece and was taking it back up to New York to show it to a publisher. I had just arrived in the big city and was overwhelmed by its busy and exciting splendor. I didn't want to dally around so I headed straight for the publishing company. I walked in the door and went to the desk to tell the receptionist I was here to see a Swartz. I didn't know if it was a he or a she but figured if anyone knew she would. She asked my name and I told her. Ms. Arden Deboire here to see a Swartz. The young lady said ah Ms. Deboire Ms. Swartz' is expecting you. I said "Ms.? Ok didn't know it was a Ms. show me the way hun". The young lady took me up a few flights of stairs and showed me into a huge office and sat me in front of this monstrous mahogany desk with gold trimmings. The first thought that came to mind when I saw this room was overdoing it a lil hun? and then I smelt that smell. It was such a wonderful heavenly scent. Such sweetness I've never smelt before in my life. It was the smell of a very sensual womens parfum, I cant put my finger on the name of it but it always sent me flying,and it was mixed with a hint of jasmine. I sat there savoring the angelic smell and waited for this Swartz lady. Suddenly I heard the door open and a soft toned voice say, "Ms. Deboire so wonderful to see you at last. The phone tags we've played were getting tedious.Allow me to introduce myself I am Rosalind Swartz." I stood up and turned around just as she looked up from her papers and our eyes met we stood there breathless for a moment. We connected. We grinned and blushed at each other and brushed it aside without a word trying to deny what had just occurred. We sat down at her desk and starred at each other several times with quick unforgettable glances. I cleared my throat and said well Im here to show you my work. WE both came back to reality and she cleared her throat and in a long breath said ok yeah ok so um let me see what you have. I handed her my work my hands were shaking and as I handed her my work I noticed that her hands were shaking as well and as we exchanged the papers our hands overlapped the others and it was like suddenly I heard "At Last" by Etta James playing. We lingered for a bit our hands holding on to the others and then I let go. I kept telling myself don't get caught up in this. But you can't fight your obvious fate and you can't fight your feelings.

She took my work and then we sat there for a few minutes of silence and stares. Finally she broke the silence and asked "so how long have you been here in New York?", "Not long" I replied. I came here as soon as I got off the train. She then proceeded "well I don't have any plans tonight and Id like to... discuss.. your story with you. Would you be interested in getting together tonight for dinner and then a discussion?" I could feel my heart race and my nerves being to build up with excitement. I shakily replied a yes. I left and found a place to stay while I was in New York and since it is the big city there weren't too many places I could stay so I had to settle for staying at the Y. We met later that evening at a lil bistro up town called "The Hideaway it was a nice lil place. She looked :sighs: so beautiful. I couldn't take my eyes off her all night nor she me. We danced and talked and laughed. After our evening at the bistro ended we went out the door to get a cab. She then gently placed her hand on my shoulder and asked if Id like to go back to her place and maybe we could discuss some of my story. I of course did not refuse. I couldn't. We went back to her place and did anything but talk about my story. Instead we made a story for ourselves one that will never be forgotten. I never knew the touch of a woman or being with her could be sooo..
:looks down and lets out a deep breath:
so perfect. I never knew any sort of peace, love, or happiness unless I was with her. I didn't know anything else but her and knew I didn't want to know anything else. All I knew was that I was in love with her and she was in love with me and that was all that mattered. Men, family, consequences be damned.

Weeks went by. Ro and me meet everyday to work on my story and every night to work on us. We would sit up for long hours on her balcony wrapped up in a blanket and wrapped up in each others arms and eyes. We would just sit and talk. She was such a passionate person with an insatiable curiosity for everything. NO one single answer was good enough for her.
:leans back in rocker and smiles stares off into the woods:
She so loved nature. We would take these walks in the woods and sit by a creek and just sit there in silence holding on to each other. I use to sing to her and she would read me some of her work. It was so wonderful what we had.
:wipes the tears from my eyes and sighs:
Two months later my story was done edited and about to be published. We went to our lil bistro that night. We both knew it was almost time for me to leave to go back to my home that I so much dreaded on returning to. My life had rooted there with her in New York but I wasn't a city girl and I had to get back. My story finally got published. "Forbidden Love" was a top
seller for two months and running. I was about to leave for home but couldn't go without asking her something first. So our last night together I asked her to be mine forever. She hesitated, it scared her. I took it the wrong way. She wanted to but it was just shock that got to her. I left out of her home that night and back to mine. Months went by, she wrote me every week, I wrote her once. I couldn't give my heart again it was hard enough to try to get over this.. I always had a way to complicate things the simplest and smallest things I would turn into a disaster or mess up in someway or another. It was March, I was in my garden getting the weeds out when a cool march breeze came through and I smelt that smell, her smell. I began to cry and fight turning around I kept telling myself you fool there's no one here your mind is just playing games with you just keep on working. I then stood up I had to go for a walk. I walked into the woods and down to my lil creek and sat down and cried thinking of her. I smelt her smell again and heard a twig break. I turned around quickly tears streaming down my red face. I looked up to see her standing behind me in tears. I turned back around crying even harder I thought she was a figment of my imagination. Then I felt a soft touch on my shoulder. I stood up and turned around slowly and looked at her in disbelief. I was motionless for a minute and then came to my sense and grabbed her. I begged her forgiveness. I got down on the ground on my knees and clung to her waist and cried. She cried and got down the ground on her knees in front of me and apologized for that night to. Then she said " I love you, more than anything you can possibly think of, more than you can possibly know or comprehend. I should have been the one to ask you to stay with me but you beat me to it. I hesitated cause I was speechless but you were so damned sensitive and hurried that you ran out before I knew what had happened. We were both sorry for what happened. I proposed to her again right then and there. She accepted and stayed with me at my home for a month before we both escaped back up to New York to secretly get married. Of course our marriage was not an acceptable one so it was in secret and illegal. She moved with me back to my home and opened her own book store here in town. The Hideaway book store? that was hers.
:Son get me some more vodka will ya this bottles empty:
:"yes maam":
:runs in get another vodka and hands it over:
:chugs a big gulp of vodka and continues on with the story:
Welp...She still did some work for her people up in New York. People round here just thought she was a best friend room mate. They surly did not know what went on behind closed doors. They did suspect from time to time but then they would see me with one of my male friends and he was just a friend mind you and they would think that me and him would be courtin but anyway. Pretty soon me and ro got anxious we hated that we had to keep our relationship a secret. So we did bring it out a lil more into the open. People then caught on as to what we were all about and shunned us. Ros book store closed down and I told her I could still support the both of us me being as you know the rich ol bitch that I am and all.
:young man giggles:
:I giggle along:
I know thats what is said about me. I know all that goes on in this god forsaken place. Nothing can be kept from me young man. But anyway. I noticed a change in ro. She became very unhappy. Oh not with me I knew she still loved me she just hated our home. I told her we could move back up to New York and that wont good enough for her either. I don't know what came across her. I woke up one morning to find her gone. No note nothing. No sign as to where shed gone. Shed left broke my heart it did. Sent me spiraling into a deep depression. I became a drunk, took up smokin, hung out with the bad boys in town. Pretty soon I stopped talkin to everyone, became a recluse. I stayed this way for a very long time but I still loved her there was no doubt in that.. Wed been together for seven years and she up and left without a word. It would be two years later when Id ever see her again. Whilst I was in my depression I wrote me another story bout it all. Sent it back up to New York to the same company had to go back up there for another meeting. They said this time they'd have someone pick me up at the train
station.
:boy breaks in:
Ms Deboire I thought you only wrote one book?
No boy I wrote three. First one I used ma real name the last two I used different names. The second one I used the name Charlie Ragsind the name of the book was "Lost Love Never Forgotten or Forgive".
:Boy perks up and says:
"Yes I remember reading that book that was one of your best."
Yeah I know it was my favorite. So I went up back to New York by train hoping that I might run into ro but thinking I wouldn't. I got to the train station and looked for someone holding a sign with my name on it. I saw a lady holding a sign with my name on it but she was turned around not looking at me. I walked up to her she looked very familiar. I kept thinking she was ro but thought it ridiculous to even think it could be her. I went up to the unaware lady and said excuse me but Im Charlie Ragsind I believe your here to pick me up. The woman turned around and it was her it was ro. Suddenly she fainted and I rushed down and picked her up and held her tightly in my arms and coaxed her back. She looked at me to cry and get very upset and terrified look and pass out again. I carried her to her car and coaxed her back and asked her if she was ok. She was fine and we went back to the office in dead silence and tears. No words nothing just silence. We got back to the office just to turn around and leave again. She took me back to her place. I didn't ask any questions I just did as she asked and followed her. We went into her home and sat and talked for hours. She told me why she left was because she couldn't handle keeping us a secrete and it put her into a depression and she didn't want to have to lean on me for support she wanted us to have an equal
relationship of us taking care of each other. Course I wanted the same thing. She was holding something back though I kinda felt it but said nothing. Things got smoothed over. We renewed our vows and lived in New York.
:boy:
what about your home here? was it this house?
Yeah it was I kept it this house had been mine forever and a day. I just lived with her up there we were both happy. Three years went by. Three years of bliss and love and happiness. Utter perfect heaveness. Shortly after our anniversary I saw her health decrease. Went to the doctors to find that she had cancer. We found it too late. Ro died the following year on the day that we met. The same day she came into my life was the same damn day she went out. But this time she went out for good. Damn her for that to. She told me PROMISED me shed never leave me again that wed never be apart but she sure as hell left me left me good this time. But I still love her and miss her soo much I cant breath. I moved back home here wrote another book in her honor. I was a best seller for 3 years. I buried her in the woods here by the creek were we first got engaged and made love. I go to see her everyday. I buried the damn dog beside her she loved that dog somethin fierce.
:begins to laugh and cry:
and now look at them the two things I loved more than I could love anything in this world and loved me back left me. But
:slowly gets up from the rocker:
Ill be joinin them soon now wont I boy.
:pats the boy on the shoulder and begins to walk towards the woods:
Ill see her soon enough.
:stands in the middle of the path into the woods looks up and cries and says I love ya honey:

If you have enjoyed §ara's "Love's Sacrifice", then please be certain to e-mail her at  Chikadeebey[at]yahoo.com  and thank her for posting this Story.

Click here for a list of all of §ara's  Stories and Poetry at  Sapphic Voices Authoresses.