Sapphic Voices Romance

Surprises

"Mum. I need to talk to you." Katy spoke in a tentative voice.


The tone puzzled me as Katy had never had any trouble talking me about anything in the past, always saying how good it was that we could talk openly, even about private matters. We were good friends and, without me prying into her personal life, we shared most of our thoughts, opinions and secrets. I couldn’t think what would cause the worried look on her face and the uncertain tone to her voice. 'Pregnant?' was my first thought as I poured myself a cold drink.

"I'll be with you in a minute, Katy"


The day had started as any other -- up early, work in the morning and home by lunch time. The first inkling that today was to be different, was when I found Katy at home, although this in itself hadn’t sent any maternal alarm bells ringing.


No, it didn’t seem likely that Katy would be pregnant. After all, she'd never been too interested in men, never letting a relationship build and, though a one night stand pregnancy was possible, it was highly unlikely knowing Katy's adamant views on safe-sex. When Katy had lost her virginity three years before, at age 19, she’d wondered to me what all the fuss about sex was about. She asked if it would get better with time and the only answer I could give was that it was more likely to get better with the right partner. Deciding that this was probably the truth, she'd occasionally had dates, though it seemed to me that, as yet, she still hadn’t found the right man.


I realised that lately she'd been going out a little more often than she normally did. She'd also seemed quieter and more introspective so maybe now I was to learn the reason why. I settled in my chair to listen.

"Shoot," I smiled to try to put her at ease.

"Mum ..... God this is hard!" she started. "I guess there's no easy way of telling you. I'll just shoot from the hip. OK?"

"Sounds good to me." I encouraged. There was a pause before it all came out in a rush.

"I've realised in the last few months that I'm gay! I’ve met a woman who really attracts me. She's a lesbian herself and, ...... before you jump in. ...." I put my hands up in defence.

"I wasn't going to."

"OK. Well, we've talked a lot about our feeling for one another and our intention is to try a relationship. Don’t think I've just jumped into this. I haven’t. I've been thinking for a while that this could be the reason I haven’t been able to stand men touching or kissing me." She looked at me earnestly. "I've had counselling at the university with Julie, about my feelings. She reckons I should face them and not hide from them. I've been attracted to women in the past but, until I met Danni, I've never actually wanted to test it out or take it any further."


I’d felt my eyebrows rising during this rather long speech. Why had I not guessed or foreseen this? I hadn’t even thought that it may possibly the reason why Katy hadn’t had a serious relationship with a man and I, of all people, should have been able to see that such a possibility existed. What did I think? Feel? I wasn’t entirely sure. I filled the silence.

"Hey Katy, give me a minute to digest this, love."


My first concern was 'Can she be sure? She's so young.' I looked into her young/old eyes and, though I saw some worry at my possible reaction, I could detect no lack of certainty in them. All right, first question answered, yes, she looks pretty sure. Next question - will she be able to cope with the lifestyle, the criticism, the prejudice? God knows! She'll just have to see. At least having me supporting her will make life a bit easier. Well, that just answered question three -- am I prepared to back her? Of course I am, there was no doubt about that! I thought it was time to speak.

"Initially my reaction was to ask questions: - Will you be able to cope with the pressures? Are you certain? However, these are issues you'll have to deal with yourself. I gather that you just want to know from me what I feel about it and if I can cope. Is that right?"

"Yes! Exactly! I know I'll have to face the problems myself. I just wanted to be sure that you're behind me". Katy was sounding more confident now.

"Well of course I'm behind you! That goes without saying. I’d never condemn you or, for that matter, allow others to criticise you in front of me." I began. "I'm not going to bore you by saying how much I love you, no matter what. You know that this would never affect that."


I saw Katy smile as she realised that I’d just said what I promised I wouldn’t!

"I’d like to know more, though." I carried on. "How you feel, how you plan to make it work. I'd like to meet your counsellor -- Julie, was it? I’d be interested in talking to her. How about trying to tee up a night for Danni and Julie to come for dinner?" Katy knew I enjoyed cooking dinner for guests but she looked a bit unsure. I stood up and put my arms around her.

"Hey, I’m not going to grill them you know. I just want to feed them, get to know the woman who’s won my daughter’s heart and maybe learn a bit of what to expect from Julie".


Katy made the phone calls and arrangements were made for the following night.

We chatted for the rest of the afternoon. Katy was relieved that I now knew and she enjoyed being able to talk about Danni, who was a fourth year law student -- ‘Smart, witty and very attractive’, according to Katy! She was also full of praise for Julie, for all her help and advice, telling me that she was one of the university counsellors, specialising in any problems that the female students had. I noticed how Katy's eyes lit up every time she spoke of Danni and I found myself looking forward to meeting these two women.


I’d been divorced for five years and, apart from one relationship with a lovely man, which had lasted about three months, I’d been by myself. I was by no means lonely though as I had plenty of friends at my various clubs. The short relationship had shown me that a serious relationship demanded more commitment than I was willing to give at present, so I was now content to go out in a group. That evening I went to my book club meeting but I couldn’t concentrate. After the events of the day, I kept finding my mind winging back almost twenty years. I left the meeting early and returned home, allowing my memories to swamp me.


At 24 years of age, with a husband and young child, I myself had fallen deeply in love with a woman! She’d been my friend for a couple of years before I realised that my feelings for her were far more than platonic. I’d wanted to spend every minute of every day in her company. I’d dreamed of touching her and kissing her but my mind had balked at anything more! In those days it’d been impossible for me, a wife and mother, to tell her of my love.


I lay in bed and wondered if I would have acted differently if it’d happened in this more gay-friendly era. I knew that, in those days, if she’d known or even guessed at my feelings she would have been shocked and probably never spoken to me again. Or would she?


In the following years, though never feeling that strongly about any other women, I’d accepted within myself that I did have the capacity to love a woman. My empathy for Katy was consequently so much stronger than another mother’s may have been. As the night wore on and sleep was still far away I found myself, again starting to think "I wonder if I ......"


Dinner the next evening started a little stiffly, everyone being slightly unsure and embarrassed. Julie, however, soon put everyone at ease by introducing the situation as a topic, early in the evening. She recounted some different parents’ responses to their daughter’s ‘confession’ that they were gay. Some stories were funny, some tragic and some downright cruel. They ranged from the ‘I wash my hands of you, you're no daughter of mine!’ through ‘Yes, I hear you but I don't want to talk about it.’ to the ‘Can’t your gynaecologist give you any hormones to cure you?’ This last one making everyone laugh. Julie said her own parents had taken about a year before they’d accepted and could talk about it. She also warned everyone that my own initial response may not be my last and that, when I started to think it through more in depth, I may have other questions. ‘Grandchildren’ was often a matter of concern, as parents saw their chance of getting them slipping away. Julie assured us that more and more gay couples were using donor sperm so that they could have children.


After dinner, at Julie’s’ suggestion, Katy and Danni went to the movies, leaving Julie and I to chat some more. The conversation soon veered from the current situation and ranged across a myriad of other topics, sometimes causing disagreement, sometimes discussion but always stimulating conversation.


While we talked, I kept getting rogue thoughts crossing my mind. ‘Here’s a woman who has kissed other women, touched them, caressed them.’ My own breasts tingled at the very thought! Here was a woman to whom I was feeling more and more drawn to and I knew nothing about her, except that she was my daughter’s counsellor. I didn't even know if she had a partner or not at present. I watched her and took stock -- Mid thirties, short dark hair, taller, slimmer and fitter looking than myself. I visualised myself ruffling her hair, resting my hands on her waist, putting my head on her shoulder. I tried to push these thoughts away as the discussion drew me back to the present.


A little while later I again lost the thread of the conversation as my attention was drawn to her mouth -- her full lips, often smiling, always mobile. I glanced up and saw her looking intently at me and realised I had missed her question completely. I flushed and apologised, determined to concentrate on her words.


I replenished our drinks, handing Julie hers before sitting opposite her again. I caught the quizzical look in Julie’s eyes and, impulsively, asked what she was thinking, feeling comfortable enough with her by then to inquire. She laughed easily.

"It’s just that, if I’d met you and Katy together, in my experience of gay counselling, I would’ve picked you as the lesbian before Katy." I felt my face grow warm and the surprised look on my face made her laugh.

"Hey I’m not saying you look butch or anything, it’s just that certain something that I often see in gay women." Her hand briefly touched mine across the table. "It’s not an insult you know!" I tried to regain my composure, unsure whether it was her words or her touch, which had shaken me so much. I cleared my throat.

"I know its not an insult. I wasn’t taking it as such. It was just a surprise, you saying it."


I wondered what she would say if she could read the erotic thoughts of her in my mind. Would it shock her? Amuse her? Or arouse her?

"Would you like a bigger surprise?" She was asking me. I shrugged.

"Why not?"

"I’ve been watching you all evening and...." she paused, forcing me to prompt.

"and?"

"and ...... I think you can feel the sparks which have been building between us as much as I can! I think you felt something as soon as we met."


She watched me, looking for my reactions. I couldn’t control the flush and the light of excitement in my eyes but the half-smile I gave her was quite deliberate. She stood, circled the table and approached my chair.

"I really don’t know if you’ve ever been loved by a woman or whether you’ve ever wanted to be but, at this moment, you’re wondering. Wondering what it would feel like to be touched." Her hand lifted mine and held it lightly, feeling the tremors I couldn’t control. She gently drew me to my feet.

"Don’t try to kid yourself, Caroline. Look at it clearly. Face it." Her face came closer "You want me to kiss you. You know I want to kiss you." Heart pounding, I felt my lips part slightly in anticipation. I could feel her warm breath mingling with my own, making my body melt with desire. Our lips hovered interminably, millimetres apart and a sudden, fleeting picture came into my mind of a scene. I’m facing Katy and I say, tentatively.

"Katy - I need to talk to you!"

If you have enjoyed F.J. Davey's "Surprises", then please be certain to e-mail her at  francis7[at]bigpond.net.au  and thank her for posting this Story.

Click here for a list of all of F.J. Davey's  Stories and Poetry at  Sapphic Voices Authoresses.