Sapphic Voices Romance

Till Death Do Us Part

For Samantha J. Harris (1980.-1999.)

Sam was the second girl I was with. But she was the first girl I loved. We’ve met when we were both 19. We started dating a month later. And after eight months we were still together, and still were in love. In fact, our love grew with every day. We were living together in our small apartment, because we couldn’t bear to be parted even for the night. I couldn’t have been happier.
We could sit in our love seat on the balcony for hours, just holding hands, not saying a word, and still feeling like we had the best conversation ever. We would cry and laugh together.
We had some bad times. With her family, with my friends, with people around us. They couldn’t accept us, the fact that we were lesbians. Not even when we told them that we were perfectly happy with each other. And we were...Until...

The phone woke me. I looked at the clock. It was 2:30 in the morning. Sam’s side of bed was empty. I picked up the phone. There was unfamiliar voice, asking if I was Jill Rogers. I said I was. He said that he was from the hospital, and started saying something about how there’s been an accident, and that she was screaming at them to call me. He said it was serious. I couldn’t listen anymore. I dressed and ran out of the apartment. I ran all the way to hospital, and down the hallway. I found the doctor that was talking to me earlier, and he showed me the room she was in. I entered it very slowly. I saw her figure on the bed. She was pale and bruised, and only a rhythmical beeping and a green curve on the monitor showed that she was still alive. I sat on the bed, by her side. I leaned over, careful not to get into different rhythm with her breathing and planted the softest possible kiss on her cold lips. The doctor stood behind me and he said that the accident was rough, and that it is a miracle that she is still alive, but that she is still in a life danger, and she might never wake up. I just asked him to leave us alone, and he did, closing the door behind him. I turned back to Sam, removed the hair from her forehead, and tears started rolling down my face. I didn’t know if she could hear me, but I had to talk to her.
"What have you done, baby? Why did you leave damnit? You knew the car wasn’t alright..."
I stroked her hair and just couldn’t stop crying.
"Now, don’t you dare leave me, you hear? You just can’t do that, honey."
I took her hand and entwined our fingers.
"You’re gonna wake up. You’re gonna be just fine, baby. Because if you die tonight, you know that I would be dead too. Please wake up, baby. I love you..."
I put my head on her chest, and just cried, and listened to her breathing. It was rhythmical and so distant. And then I couldn’t hear it anymore. It just...stopped.
I raised up and my heart skipped a beat when I realized that instead of the beep from the monitor, I could only hear a dumb, long tone, and could only see a green line.
"No...no! Sam? Oh, god, please no!" I yelled and grabbed her hand.
A group of doctors and nurses rushed into the room, shouting some complicated chemical names.
I started crying hysterically.
"Sam, don’t leave me! I love you. Oh, please help her! Oh, god..."
One of the sisters pulled me away from her.
I just crashed on the floor by the wall and shook as I cried.
"Please, please, let her live...Please, god..."
For the first time she was somewhere where I couldn’t help her, and that thought was ripping me apart.
By that time the doctors slowed what they were doing, and were just instinctively trying to get her heart to beat.
"Damn, we’re losing her!" one of them said. There was a moment of dead silence.
"Time of death 3:04" someone said quietly.
I sprang to my feet and rushed over to the bed. I hugged her close and buried my face in her shoulder. I felt like my head was going to explode from the crying.
"Sam, no! No, baby, don’t leave me here. I love you. I can’t live without you. Oh, god..."
I rocked her lifeless body back and forth, still not believing that she was gone. I couldn’t believe, I didn’t want to believe. I kissed her face all over and wanted her to smile and hug me and tell me that she was alright. But that never happened. The doctor put his hand on my shoulder, and said in a shaky voice:
"I’m sorry. We did all we could..."
It didn’t even reach my mind. He left the room, and I stayed, still holding her so close to me, and crying, as my world was crashing.

I remember how I walked home. I felt dizzy, I was shaking, and I cried all the way. I opened the door of our apartment and saw her sweater on the sofa. It was just lying there, waiting for her to pick it up. I took it in my hands and inhaled her scent deeply. I started sobbing more. I went to our bedroom, hoping that I will see her on our bed, peacefully sleeping, but there was just the white sheet and nothing more. I lied on my side of bed, not daring to touch the print of her head on the pillow next to mine. I remembered how she used to snuggle close to me in her sleep, and I simply wanted her to do that, right that moment. But, no...Samantha was dead, despite the fact that I couldn’t accept it, and that I couldn’t believe it.
Then I raised my aching head and saw a piece of paper on her nightstand. I grabbed it and read:

Dearest,
I went to find a shop that works at this hour, cos we’re out of ice cream, and I know you like it in the morning.
Love you, baby.
                                                                                                                                                           Samantha

Tears spilled all over my face, my hands and the paper. I put my head on my pillow, stroking her side of bed, still not being able to accept the fact that she was gone, that I will never see her smile again, that she will never hold me again.
"What do I do now, baby?" I whispered trough tears.
I just wanted to die. To get away from that empty space deep inside that I couldn’t reach.
But I knew that she wouldn’t want me to do that. So I made it trough.

It is now two years since Sam died. I’m 21 now. There were no other girls in my life ever since. There is also no day that I don’t think about her, and that I don’t visit her grave and talk to her.
I haven’t been able to forget her. Nor did I want to.

If you have enjoyed Jesen's "Till Death Do Us Part", then please be certain to e-mail her at  grogy1[at]yahoo.com  and thank her for posting this Story.

Click here for a list of all of Jesen's  Stories and Poetry at  Sapphic Voices Authoresses.