Sapphic Voices Romance

A Time For Us

IRAQ

“Fuck it’s hot…”

“Pardon me?” Mish stared at her driver in shock at his expletive.

Oh, sorry Ma’am,” Private Jacobs apologised swiping at another pesky fly as he sped down the dusty road.

Chuckling to herself, Mish replied, “That’s okay soldier, I was just thinking the same thing myself.”

Mish still couldn’t get used to the heat in Iraq. She had never got used to it the first time around, so she suspected with some resignation, that she wouldn’t get used to it now after five months into her second tour.

It was a dry, searing heat that baked everything in its path. Dust particles stuck to her skin and when it mixed together with rivulets of sweat covering her body, it created a thin layer of muddy mixture that would penetrate deep into her pores. Heat rash was common and Mish shuffled in her seat as she felt the first signs of the stinging itch return.


The Hummer bumped and groaned its way along the undulating track, kicking up plumes of dust that left heavy particles in the air behind it, blinding the trucks following. Her driver was a fresh-faced kid, first time out. Looking at him through experienced eyes, she thought he must have been all of nineteen. Poor kid she thought, he doesn’t know what he’s got himself into.

High mobility, multi-purpose wheeled vehicles (HMMWV), the Hummers were ideal for the transport of troops and general cargo. Today, it was the lead vehicle for the convoy carrying bottled water and food rations to villagers and the orphanage that lay near one of the outlying towns. Although in a green zone, the threat of insurgents returning at any time was very real. This place was unpredictable, and to become complacent could get a soldier killed and Mish wasn’t planning on dying anytime soon.

Mish’s primary function was to assist Colonel Benson as a Liaison Officer to the local government officials. This included overseeing the supply of aid and medical support to displaced individuals in their sector. Mish was enjoying this new role, and had been thrilled when her posting to Iraq had been confirmed. Seven months later, she had re-signed for another six.

Pulling up to the checking-station, Mish showed her ID to the Military Policeman at the boom-gate.

“Thank you Ma’am.” He saluted and waved her through.

As the boom-gate lifted, his partner signalled the rest of the convoy through behind them.

Entering into the small village was surreal. Television images had never prepared her for the harsh reality of seeing the living conditions these poor people endured and, like the heat, Mish still couldn’t get used to it.

Makeshift shelters housed families that had fled their homes due to the constant fighting. Many didn’t have homes to go back to. Abandoned bullet-holed car bodies lay dotted along the streets, slowly rusting and crumpled from the last insurgent attack to come through the town. That was six months ago, Mish reflected. Since then, coalition soldiers had moved in, setting up make-shift medical centres and a local police station in the disused buildings. Things had been quiet for a while until a small mortar attack hit the village three weeks ago.

From the vantage point of her vehicle, Mish watched the dust as it swirled through the street, sending sheets of gritty sand flapping across what was left of the sealed road into the town square. Tired women in their purdah walked hurriedly, and then huddled along the roadside as the trucks rumbled past, dust blowing into their hollow faces.

Congregating together, they crowded the square waiting for the convoy to stop. Proud men watching from a distance, yelling instructions and demands to their women, barely able to hide their animosity towards the soldiers whom they felt had invaded their land and were now giving hand-outs to them.

It was the children who still managed to laugh and play as they ran behind the trucks yelling, “American, American…” Hands stretched out for the chocolate and candy thrown by the soldiers on the back of the trucks, guarding the supplies.

Bringing the Hummer to rest amidst a cloud of dust, Private Jacobs announced with a smile, “We’re here Ma’am.”

“Thank you private…I think.” Mish coughed on the choking dust. “How long have you had your license?” she asked as an afterthought.

“Oh, gee…it would have to be at least two months Ma’am,” he smiled proudly at her.

“Hmm, I thought as much…” Mish said with a chuckle. “Ah… a good job soldier. Um, perhaps next time a little less enthusiasm for the brake?”

“Yes Ma’am. Thank you Ma’am,” he beamed at her.

Sergeant Schneider had been travelling in the truck behind and came to stand next to Mish. “Where would you like the trucks Ma’am?”

“Get the drivers to form into a semi-circle over there, that way you and your men can keep an eye on them.” Mish directed.

“Yes Major.” Sergeant Schneider replied and began bellowing orders to his squad.

Leaving the sergeant and his platoon in charge of distribution, Mish reached into the Hummer and retrieved a duffle bag that had sat on the seat next to her.

“We’ll be here for approximately two hours Sergeant, so after your men have finished unloading, let them take some down time. If you need me I’ll be in a meeting with Ms Hasser at the orphanage.

“Yes Ma’am,” Sergeant Schneider smiled paternally at the Major.

Flinging the heavy bag over one shoulder and her automatic rifle over the other, Mish walked the short distance towards the orphanage. Making her way tentatively through the wide street, she turned down into a side road towards the main entrance. Mish had walked this way many times before, but was always on the lookout for anything out of place. Washing hung from window ledges and the dark devastation of war was evident on the scars of the buildings and houses. Cracks and bullet holes served as ugly reminders of war in the surface plaster.

As the rush and noise of the crowd softened in the distance, Mish entered the war-torn building that was used as an orphanage and was greeted by the delighted squeals of the children as they intercepted her advance. They hugged at her legs trying to peek into the bag she was carrying -- hoping to find an assortment of sweets and chocolate. As she gave out handfuls of sugary delights, they squealed with pleasure and ran off in different directions, clutching at their spoils. Mish laughed at the antics of the children as she waved at Adilah who was walking towards her with a six month old baby on her hip.

“How goes it?” Adilah smiled warmly at Mish.

“Oh, can’t complain, except that I’m hot, sweaty and have a rash in the most embarrassing places…but besides that, everything’s great!” Mish laughed.

“Poor Major Sawyer,” Adilah pouted. “You get all the bad luck, having hot showers every day, lazing around at your headquarters…eating three square meals a day …how do you cope?” she said, her eyes sparkling with amusement.

“You left out the parties in the officer’s mess,” Mish prompted.

“Oh, sorry…how silly of me.”

Walking slowly along the hallway towards the back of the building, the two women chatted companionably as Mish observed the damage from the last mortar attack.

“So what’s new in your neck of the woods?” Mish asked, looking around at the state of the orphanage. Plaster cracked from broken walls and flaked off into piles of rubble on the floor. Part of the roof was missing and exposed piping and wires were hanging limp from the ceiling.

“Oh nothing, we thought we would get an interior decorator in. He’s done a wonderful job don’t you think”?

Mish’s eyes circled the room taking in the devastation. “You know, I just love what he’s done with this wall here, those bullet holes really set the place off, very retro,” Mish said raising an eyebrow, a slight grin tugging at her lips.

“Well if you think this is trendy, wait until you see the bathroom!” Adilah proclaimed.

“What’s happened to the bathroom?”

“It’s been blown up!”

“Ah…nice touch.” Mish said, nodding her head mock approval.

The two women chuckled as Adilah handed over the baby to one of the teenage helpers who had come for him.

Adilah lead Mish into her makeshift office. Encouraging Mish to take a seat, Adilah walked over and sat on the chair by her desk. The room doubled as a bedroom, and a worn mattress on an old army stretcher rested next to the wall. “So what brings you to the orphanage today?”

“Well, besides getting handy decorating tips, I came along to give you this,” proclaimed Mish, pulling out several tins of food and a bottle of Jack Daniels from the bottom of her bag.

“Bribing the natives again, I see soldier,” Adilah stated, a smile twitching at her lips.

“Definitely not, Ms Hasser. Firstly, I am an officer, and a gentlewoman, I’m not permitted to bribe. Secondly you aren’t a native, unless we’re sitting in a tea shop in London.” Mish looked around at the orphanages state of disrepair. “Somehow I don’t think this place would pass the building inspection.” Mish sat back.

“Ah, you obviously haven’t been to London…” Adilah smiled cheekily.

Adilah was an aid worker attached to UNICEF. Being of Christian Lebanese parents, she grew up in London, and subsequently travelled around the middle-east on work visas before the war. She had fallen in love with the country and with the people. Being told to leave several times by her organisation, she had ignored their protests and stayed to help at the local orphanage. When the last aid worker was killed six months ago in a mortar attack, Adilah had taken over. It was just a month after that she had met Mish Sawyer.

It was a lonely existence and having had Mish come to visit over these past few months was a breath of fresh air in this otherwise desolate town. Mish was an enigma to her. When Adilah thought she had finally worked her out, Mish would say or do something completely different, putting her off balance.

Adilah suspected Mish was a lesbian, but was too afraid to ask outright. She knew how the army viewed such things and that even if Mish had wanted to be honest with her, she would not risk being exposed for fear of retribution and dismissal.

At times Adilah would catch Mish watching her, but the look would quickly disappear under lowered lashes. Flattered, Adilah was not quite sure what to make of it all. She had never thought about making love with a woman. She knew plenty of lesbians in London, and had found them to be warm and loving. War makes strange bedfellows, she thought. Not wanting to make things awkward between them and risk losing Mish’s friendship, Adilah kept her thoughts to herself.

“So when are we going to drink this Mish?” Adilah brought herself back to the topic at hand.

“I’ve got some free time up my sleeve tomorrow, at this stage anyway." Mish smiled. “The Colonel has gone to Dubai and I have to organise the aid drop at the next town, but I can have that sorted out by the afternoon, all going well.” Mish said trying to hide her eagerness.

“Good, I will make you dinner with what we have, and we will forget the war for an hour or two.” Adilah said, satisfied she had a plan.

“I’ll bring dessert”, Mish said cheerily.

“That’s settled…now to business…” Adilah put her glasses on and handed requests forms to Mish for her approval.

ADILAH

Mish had arrived back at the orphanage by 6 p.m. the next day, two hours late. It had been a long day. What had started out to be a routine aid drop had turned into an ambush by a small band of radicals. One truck had been damaged and three soldiers from the support vehicle had been wounded. Mish was tired, dirty and fed-up.

After checking on the wounded, Mish had returned to the operations tent and reported in.

Briefing the infantry commanders, she pointed to various points on the map. “There is a small band of radicals travelling through this sector. Unfortunately we came across a small group of them with makeshift weapons and some small arms fire here…” she pointed to a small town. “We got most of them, but unfortunately the rest disappeared back into the desert to regroup.”

“What numbers are we looking at Major?” Captain Goldman asked.

“We are looking at approximately thirty insurgents at this point Captain. However, if they are gaining aid and support from some of the outlying villages, then their numbers may increase.”

“Hmmm…just what we need.” The Captain said meeting her tired eyes as he frantically jotted down notes.

Mish continued with the briefing and finally left the command tent by 1700 hours.

* * * * * *

“Come, sit down Mish, I’ll pour us that drink.” Adilah invited Mish into her room. “A bad day?” she asked, handing Mish a chipped coffee cup with a finger of Jack Daniels in the bottom.

“You could say that. I’ve spent half the day under fire and the other half in briefings. I’ve had paperwork up to here.” Mish complained, raising her hand up to her neck.

Mish gave a sideways glance at her assault rifle she had propped up against the wall earlier on her arrival. “I killed a man today.” She announced without emotion. This wasn’t the first time, Mish knew, but it still didn’t make it any easier.

Adilah assessed Mish’s mood. “I’m sure if you hadn’t, he would have killed you. This is war Mish and as much as I don’t agree with killing, it’s kill or be killed under these circumstances,” Adilah said unemotionally, taking a sip of her Jack Daniels, her heart secretly breaking for her friend.

“Hmm…you’re right I suppose, just doesn’t make it any easier that’s all.”

Both women drank in silence. Then, as Adilah excused herself to go check on the sleeping orphans, Mish leant back in her chair and contemplated the events of the day. She could hear Adilah softly sing the younger children to sleep. She had a beautiful, sultry voice with a soft English accent, which soothed away some of the tension Mish felt. Listening to the strains of an Arabic lullaby Mish felt the tightness in her muscles relax. Closing her eyes, she drifted off to sleep.

On her return, Adilah saw how tired her friend was and her heart went out to her. She is so strong, but looks like a little girl, Adilah thought to herself. Not wanting to wake Mish, she settled down at the desk and finished her paperwork.

An hour later, Mish opened her eyes with a start to see the night sky from the window in Adilah’s room. Looking around, she saw Adilah studying her. “How long have I been asleep?” Mish asked, yawning.

“Only about an hour, you must have needed it.”

“Hmmm, I must have….it was your beautiful singing that sent me off you know...” Mish smiled at her, stretching her arms and legs out of their cramped position.

“Why thank you Major Sawyer”, Adilah bowed her head in acknowledgement of the compliment.

Mish stretched in the chair and stiffening, began rubbing at the back of her neck, wincing with the pain.

“Here, let me…” Adilah stood up and moved around to the back of Mish’s chair. Sliding her hands beneath Mish’s shirt she dug her delicate fingers into the taut sinews of her neck. “Hmmm….you feel very tense tonight, Major.”

“Ah yes, you could say that…”

Mish shifted uncomfortably in the chair at the sudden electrifying touch. Adilah’s hands might have been small, but they were strong. This is not doing any good for my resolve, Mish thought.

Mish had wanted Adilah with a heat that burned since the first day she had laid eyes on her. Her dark Arabic features with deep soulful eyes, gave Adilah an air of mystery and intrigue. Mish thought about Adilah every waking moment and dreamt about her at night. “Don’t let your silly emotions addle your brain soldier,” she said to herself every time she was close to revealing how she felt.

In the darkness of her own tent, it was all too easy for Mish to close her eyes, imagining Adilah lying there naked rubbing her arousal along the length of Mish’s hard thigh as she whispered words of love. Mish’s hand would slowly slide to her own sex and with a few deft strokes she would bring herself to a bitter-sweet release, temporarily cooling the fire that burned there. By the morning it had always returned, burning like a pilot light, as she went through her day until the next time.

Adilah could feel Mish tense and her breath quicken as she gently kneaded into her bare skin. Moving closer, Adilah began to make smooth circles with her thumbs at the nape of Mish’s neck, slowly moving her hands further down Mish’s back. Deftly she massaged and coaxed the muscles that ran across her shoulder blades to release their tension.

“Hmmm….that’s good,” Mish moaned her approval despite herself.

“I need to get into these muscles, you are all knotted up.” Adilah pressed near Mish’s spine. “Here take your shirt off and lie on the bed. I’ll get some of the oil I use on the babies.” Adilah suggested as she went to the box under her desk.

“No, its okay…I’m fine.” Mish felt tense and cornered. She didn’t want to temp fate and stayed where she was.

“Don’t be silly Mish - I’m not going to bite.” Adilah looked at her with eyebrows raised, questioningly.

Mish looked back at Adilah through veiled lashes. It’s not you I’m worried about sweetheart. The voice in her head screamed.

Adilah returned and stood waiting impatiently for Mish to take her shirt off, “I’m not going anywhere until you lie down on that bed. That’s an order soldier…”

Looking at the stubborn expression on Adilah’s face, Mish knew there was no further point to the argument. Nervously she stripped down, taking off her bra, she covered her breasts like a Victorian virgin on her wedding night. Quickly she lay flat on her stomach, terrified at what was going to happen next. How do I get myself into these things? She thought. Mish vowed she wouldn’t lose control. It’s only a massage -- it’s only a massage, she chanted to herself, trying to convince her brain that she felt nothing, desperately trying to ignore the tingling excitement in her body.

Adilah was surprised, then impressed by Mish’s body. Her uniform had hidden the hard muscles and tone of her abdomen and shoulders.

Sitting on the bed next to Mish, her weight pushed the mattress down making Mish roll towards her, and their bodies touched.

Mish was trapped between Adilah and the wall, and she shivered with tension when the oil trickled along the length of her back. She swallowed hard, her throat dry and constricted.

Adilah watched the muscles twitch and ripple as she pushed the oil from the small hollow of Mish’s back, up and over her shoulder blades in long firm strokes.

Mish could feel the first twitch of arousal deep inside her, and a rush of moisture escaped wet and hot between her legs.

“You never told me you did body building.” Adilah’s voice penetrated the fog of sheer ecstasy Mish was feeling at this woman’s touch. Coughing, her voice not working properly she replied “I, um…never thought it was that important. Anyway, I haven’t worked out properly since I arrived in Iraq. Lazy I guess.”

“Well, you wouldn’t be able to tell.” Adilah said, rubbing her hands deeper and harder into the sinews and tendons in Mish’s tense back. “You did competitions?”

“Yes, I won a couple, but it’s too much pressure to keep it up, especially when I’m over here,” Mish said, thankful the conversation was distracting her from the sensations raging through her body.

“Well, I must say I’m impressed.” Adilah said, surprised that she was enjoying the feel of Mish’s hard muscles against her own delicate hands. Subconsciously, her strokes became longer and more sensual as the massage continued.

Mish swallowed hard. She didn’t know how much more of this she would be able to take. All she wanted to do was hold Adilah in her arms and kiss her.

Adilah pressed her oily hands underneath Mish’s pants, massaging the roundness, digging into the tops of her butt cheeks. Heat flashed through Mish and pulsed in her groin, sending a shockwave over her.

“You’ve gone all goosepimply.” Adilah chuckled.

In no way a fool, Adilah had noticed the change in her own and Mish’s breathing. She knew exactly what she was doing and was now consciously massaging with the intention of arousing Mish. Call it an experiment, she justified to herself as her hands and fingers played over the taught skin. Surprisingly, Adilah felt her own first rush of desire pulse deep within her. It had been a long, long time since she had been held and loved, she thought. Perhaps she should give this woman a chance, she reasoned in her own mind. It wasn’t as if there was a rush of prospective lovers beating down the door to get to her.

The thought of making love to a woman would have at one time repelled her, but for reasons she didn’t want to try to understand, this woman had made her heart quicken and had done so for some time now. She also knew that if she did this now, there was no turning back. That would not be fair to either of them.

Adilah’s strength and compassion touched a place in Mish that had never been touched before. She felt her chest swell with longing just to be near this woman. This is no fling, Mish thought. This is the real thing. Shit, what am I going to do? Mish thought and swallowed hard, crushing her eyelids together and burying her head in the pillow.

Adilah, feeling bolder now, bent forward and pressed her lips into the hollow of Mish’s back.

Panicked, Mish nearly knocked Adilah off the bed as she sat bolt upright covering her breasts with her arms. Stuttering “What, what, are you doing?” Mish looked terrified, like a caged animal.

“Wow, relax…” Adilah put her hands up in surrender. “Shhh, calm down…it’s okay, it’s okay…shhh, you’ll wake the children.” she softened her voice and smiled.

Placing the back of her hand tentatively to Mish’s cheek, she stroked soothingly. “Shhh…there, see…” She gently stroked the back of her fingers along Mish’s jaw line and under her chin. “It’s okay -- I’m not going to hurt you…I’m sorry I frightened you.”

Mish’s eyes snapped shut, trying to block out the torturous longing she felt at this woman’s touch. A whimper of desire escaped from her lips. With her heart beating a million miles an hour, she pressed herself as close as she could get to the wall and as far away from Adilah as she could. “Please…don’t.” Mish pleaded. “Adilah, I…can’t….”

Looking at the raw emotion in Mish’s face, a sense of calm and clarity came over Adilah. Deliberately she leant forward, her voice barely a whisper. “Of course you can…shhh... I can see it in your eyes Mish -- I know you feel the same way.”

“I uh…I’m afraid.” Mish’s voice was barely audible.

Moving even closer until there was barely any space left between them, Adilah gently pulled Mish to her like a child, placing her head upon her breast. “There, there…what are you afraid of my brave soldier?” she cooed into Mish’s ear, her hot breath warming her down to the soul.

Unable to contain her emotions any longer, Mish blurted out, “I’m afraid of loving you too much.” She lifted her head and looked directly into the unreadable depths of Adilah’s eyes.

Without a word, Adilah took Mish’s face in both of her hands and gently brought her lips to her own. All resolve left Mish, and as fearful and shy as she was, she responded to the kiss with all the pent-up passion and emotion she felt for Adilah.

Their coming together was magical and went to a depth that neither Mish nor Adilah had ever expected it to. Rather than being rushed and superficial, their lovemaking was a slow and sensual exploration of each other’s hearts and bodies. Mish had only known the mechanical abstract concept of love making. Now with Adilah, she knew how it easily transcended to a richer experience, more fulfilling. She knew this was love…this was the real thing.

Suddenly shy, Adilah let Mish take the lead, exploring and teasing places long bereft of another human’s touch. Mish gently kissed the golden skin of Adilah’s breasts as she gently cupped her sex in the palm of her hand. Massaging slowly with her finger tips, Adilah’s body quivered in delight as the heat from between her thighs intensified.

“Love me…” Adilah whispered breathlessly as she ran her hand through Mish’s short hair.

Groaning, Mish left a trail of feathery kisses from between Adilah’s breasts and along the length of her abdomen until she reached the dark curls that glistened in expectation.

Adilah instinctively opened her thighs to Mish as she took the delicate bud in her mouth. Sucking and flicking with her tongue, Mish groaned her own desire as Adilah whimpered and began to move with a primal rhythm. Feeling a woman’s lips and tongue exploring her innermost secrets aroused her more than she thought, bringing her to climax with a lightening bolt of release and intensity she had never experienced with a man.

Now they were both united in their secret. Their relationship could take on an honesty that hadn’t been there before. Their lovemaking continued with a passion and intensity neither had felt before.

Looking at Adilah now in the dark, Mish knew she loved this woman with a certainty she had never known, and it scared her to death. Knowing how cruel fate could be in war, she steeled herself against the possibility of either of them getting killed or wounded. It was something Mish didn’t even want to consider and it sent shivers down her spine now.

Slowly Mish was overcome by exhaustion as she held the sleeping Adilah in her arms like a child.

* * * * * *

It was still dark when Mish was suddenly jolted awake by the unfamiliar sounds of the orphanage. She heard a child cough, and settled back down, satisfied that all was well. She held Adilah securely as tears of joy misted in her eyes. Stroking Adilah’s hair, Mish let out a deep sigh as Adilah snuggled her naked body closer.

“Hmmm…that feels nice.” Adilah sleepy voice emerged from the darkness. “Don’t stop.”

“You have a beautiful name, what does it mean?” Mish asked as she continued.

Rolling over to face Mish, Adilah smiled sweetly. “It means equal, just and honest.”

“That’s beautiful,” Mish said with emotion.

“I was named after ‘Sitti’ in Lebanon.”

“What’s a Sitti?

“Sitti means ‘My Grandmother’ in Arabic.”

“Was she just and honest like you?” Mish asked, smiling.

“Yes, she was a beautiful strong woman. It broke my heart when she died. I was only twelve.”

“I’m sorry.” Mish held Adilah closer, wanting to rid this woman of any pain. “Tell me about her,” Mish said shuffling up on the pillow to get comfortable.

Adilah propped her head up on her elbow and looked into Mish’s eyes. “I loved her very much. I used to go and stay with her and ‘Giddi’, my grandfather, on school vacations. It was a wonderful time. She and I would walk to the village and I would stop to pick wild flowers. Sitti would wear them in her hair for me.” Adilah closed her eyes, thinking of the happy childhood memories.

“Go on…” Mish encouraged, she wanted to know everything about this woman in her arms.

“The best present she ever bought me was this…” Adilah caressed the gold dolphin hanging from the chain around her neck. “She bought it for me at the local market in Juniyah when she took me there for a holiday by the sea.”

“It’s beautiful.”

“I love dolphins, they are beautiful creatures,” Adilah said wistfully. “I used to make Sitti take me to the beach and we would stand by the shore in the early morning just before dawn -- you know when night starts to turn to day?” She queried as Mish nodded. Adilah’s eyes flickered with excitement. “We would watch the dolphins play in the Mediterranean. It was so peaceful.”

“I’ve never really had much to do with dolphins,” Mish said, suddenly feeling that she had been cheated out of a great experience.

“They are very spiritual creatures. Did you know that they protect each other from predators, and in their community they live in balance with each member of the pod and their surroundings?” Adilah was becoming animated as she explained.

“Dolphins have a language of their own and they communicate with their pod and with other creatures, such as humans. I used to hear them sing to me as I stood on the shore.”

“Wow, you really love them,” Mish stated.

“Yes, they are a healing animal. It has been known for wild dolphins to heal people who are suffering deep emotional trauma and physical pain. It’s well documented,” Adilah said seriously. “They say that when you swim with the dolphin, you’re life is changed forever.”

“I believe you,” Mish held her hand up in surrender. “So what are you doing here, why didn’t you become a marine biologist?” Mish asked.

“I did.”

“Oh…then what on earth are you doing here in this dump?” Mish exclaimed.

“I had a very close call with a white pointer off the coast of South Africa. I was in the shark cage trying to catch footage of them breaching from an underwater perspective.”

Mish’s eyes bulged.

“Well, the male we had been following went into a feeding frenzy and started attacking the cage.”

“That’s terrible!” Mish exclaimed, feeling the panic Adilah must have felt on that day.

“Yes… pretty frightening I can tell you,” Adilah said. “I thought that a few months on land wouldn’t do me any harm, so I decided to join UNICEF. That was eight months ago and here I am!”

“Well…that would inspire me to change careers for a while, except working in a war zone isn’t exactly the safest option.” Mish exclaimed, shivering at the horror of it all.

“Well, just think of me as an adrenaline junky…” she smiled.

“So you wear the charm because it reminds you of your passion?” Mish asked.

“Yes, but also, dolphin charms are very spiritual in meaning. They represent balance, joy and freedom – everything that we are working towards in this country.” Adilah said emotionally.

Mish caressed Adilah’s cheek, as she wiped away the drop of a salty tear that had escaped from the corner of her eye. “That would have to be one of the most beautiful things I have ever heard,” Mish spoke softly. She kissed Adilah tenderly on the lips.

“You take liberties, Major Sawyer. I haven’t finished my story…” Adilah said her eyes sparkling with amusement.

“Oh, sorry…in that case, continue talking.”

Adilah smiled.

“So what happened to your grandmother?” Mish said at last.

“She was killed by an Israeli missile.” Adilah said matter of fact.

“That bites…”

“Yes, you could say that.”

“What happened to your grandfather?”

“He died not long after…of a broken heart. They had been together since they were sixteen years old.” Adilah felt the emotion rise up into her chest.

Mish held her close, as Adilah cried long-forgotten tears for her grandmother and grandfather. She could only guess at what suffering Adilah and her family had endured living under the constant fear of attack.

She admired how strong Adilah had become from a life of loss and tragedy. My God, she loved this woman. She felt her pain, her joys. Mish thought her heart was going to burst with the fullness of it all.

Adilah snuggled closer to Mish, not wanting to break contact. She felt safe for the first time since she had come to Iraq. Feelings stirred for this woman who had made beautiful gentle love to her. Mish had been sensitive to Adilah’s needs and inexperience and had taken her slowly and delicately through the wonders of lovemaking with a woman.

Stroking Adilah’s cheek with the back of her hand, Mish couldn’t keep herself in check any longer. “I love you Adilah. I’ve loved you since the very first moment I saw you,” she declared softly as she kissed her delicately on the lips.

“Thank you.” Adilah murmured as she began kissing her back. Overcome with exhaustion, they laid locked in their intimate embrace until the first call for morning prayers woke them out of a dreamless slumber.

GOOD-BYE

“You tell that mad woman down at the orphanage, that if she hasn’t packed those children up and vacated that building by 1600 hours, I personally will come down and kick her sorry ass!”

The Colonel was red with rage as he paced up and down the Operations tent.

Mish stood to attention, her eyes following his every move. “With all due respect Sir, she’s refusing to go.”

“God damn it, Major…I know she’s refusing to go. That’s why I’m sending you. Aren’t you two friends or something? You can talk some sense into her – surely she’ll listen to you.” His rage was gradually receding. “Look Major, we have intelligence information that there is an insurgent push heading right for that village within the next twenty four hours. I personally do not want to be responsible for the deaths of twenty children and one nutty English lady.”

Mish sighed, knowing the Colonel was right. Adilah was being pig-headed and stubborn. God she loved that woman, she thought to herself. “Yes Sir…I’ll go there now. I’ll take Sergeant Schneider and his squad with me. If she refuses what would you like us to do?”

“Drag her by the hair if you have to Major, but get her and those children out of there…is that understood?”

“Yes Sir. If we have to, we’ll use a bit of brute force.” Mish chuckled to herself at the thought of trying to drag Adilah out by the hair. Mish knew she would probably come off worse from the assault.

“Good…Dismissed.” Colonel Benson snapped.

* * * * * *

“Come on, Adilah…you’re not seeing sense”, Mish pleaded as she watched Adilah pacing up and down the room they had made love in so many times over the last few months.

“Read my lips…I’m staying,” Adilah pursed her lips stubbornly.

“What about the children?”

“They’ll stay here with me where I can protect them. If I let you take them, they’ll be separated and I may never see them again.”

Mish knew she was right, but being alive was still the better option. “So…” Mish said stonily. “You’re happy to put yourself and those children in the path of this danger?”

Adilah’s eyes flashed daggers at Mish.

Desperate now, Mish changed tactics. “Please Adilah -- do you know what some of the rebels have done to their female captives?” Mish automatically winced at the intelligence information they had received about renegade insurgents who had raped and butchered white female captives.

“This is the children’s home Mish.” Adilah turned with tears welling in her eyes. “I can’t send them away -- they’ve already been through so much.”

Desperately wanting to take Adilah in her arms, Mish knew she couldn’t. Sergeant Schneider’s men where standing just outside the window keeping watch for any enemy activity. It wouldn’t look good if they happened to look in and see their Major locked in an embrace with the orphanage woman.

“Please, for me…” Mish said softly and with meaning.

Sighing, Adilah knew she had lost. She saw the pleading look in Mish’s face and knew that this woman was acting out of love and concern for her. As their clandestine lovemaking had continued, their relationship had deepened and despite herself, Adilah knew she had fallen in love with Mish.

Mish had nobly proclaimed that she would leave the army so she could be free to love Adilah without restraint. But Adilah knew that this was not a logical option.

For Adilah, there was no blinding flash, but a gentle osmosis of feeling. Looking at the woman in front of her, she knew she loved her with every part of her and it threw a spanner in the works.

She also knew how much Mish loved the army. The army wouldn’t take too kindly to Mish’s extracurricular activities and that by leaving, Mish was making a mistake. Adilah knew that the stubborn streak in Mish would make her do something foolish, ruining her career. She refused to talk about the future with Mish whenever the subject was raised.

There was so much against them -- the army, Mish’s family, her family, and of course, Adilah had never seen herself as a lesbian. Adilah knew she loved Mish. Every fibre of her being wanted to scream out her love, but could this love overcome the hurdles they faced after the war? Would it be tainted and grow into bitterness under the pressures of reality?

Adilah had told Mish that there would be no relationship once she left Iraq. She wanted what they shared to stay magical, to remain in this place of mystery, magic lanterns, fables and dark nights. Mish would open her mouth to protest, and Adilah would silence her with a kiss. She knew this was for the best.

Adilah didn’t hear the first mortar bomb as it impacted.

“Fuck….” Mish exclaimed as she heard the now familiar whistling of incoming fire. She grabbed Adilah and pushed her to the floor, covering her body with her own.

In a downpour of glass, wood splinters and debris, Mish held Adilah to her. After the final tinkle of glass hit the floor, Mish gingerly moved, testing each limb as she did so. “Are you okay?” Mish yelled in a panic, seeing Adilah’s body lying still underneath her.

“Stop yelling, I can hear you…Um, I think so…if you get off me I think I can move.” Adilah shook the debris out of her hair as she lay there flattened under the weight of Mish’s powerful body. She felt like a beached dolphin, she thought.

“Thank God…” was all Mish could say.

Huddling together in the corner of the room, Mish held her assault rifle at the ready. More mortar bombs dropped around the village. Both women watched bright eyed as buildings exploded into showers of concrete and steel.

Mish heard shouts and screams coming from outside and the rata tat tat of automatic gunfire.

“Fuck…” Mish said again. “We’ve got to get out of here.”

Looking frantically for an escape route, Mish grabbed Adilah by the arm. “Come on, we need to get to the side street where the vehicles are parked.”

“I’m not leaving the orphans…” Adilah held firm.

“Oh yes you fucking are!” Mish unceremoniously grabbed Adilah’s arm and yanked her to her feet, nearly pulling her arm out of it’s socket. “We’re getting the fuck out of here…no arguments!” Mish yelled at her.

Running towards to the back door they stopped. Seeing the bloody devastation before their eyes, Mish spoke softly to Adilah as she gasped in horror. “There’s nothing you can do for them now...”

The first bomb had been a direct hit on the dining area where the children had been eating their meal. Adilah glanced at the carnage as she passed the room, stopped and vomited. Her throat constricting and lips trembling at the guilt she felt. Taking in the horror of the scene before her, she began to run with Mish out into the street.

“Die you infidel pig…”

Mish snapped her body around and shot dead one of the rebels as he aimed for Adilah’s head with his rifle.

Confusion reigned everywhere -- soldiers were running in the street yelling orders and firing at unseen targets. Mish kept low and had a vice-like grip on Adilah. No-one was going to get anywhere near her lover, if she could help it.

“Quick, in here…” Mish pushed the stunned Adilah into an alleyway. All seemed quiet and Mish peeked around the corner to see if the coast was clear. As she waved for Adilah to follow, Mish heard the burst of gun fire from behind her and saw the bullets splatter against the mud walls, snaking their way towards them. Before Mish had time to react she heard a sickening thud of bullets hitting flesh.

Adilah fell back into her lap, blood freely flowing from the wound in her abdomen.

Mish stared at her blankly, unable to register what had happened. In a panic, she looked frantically around for the shooter. All had gone deathly silent.

Her thoughts returning to Adilah, the reality of the situation sank in. “Please, don’t die, please…” Mish pleaded through the stream of tears and blood as she tried to apply pressure to Adilah’s gaping wound. “Don’t leave me…please don’t leave me.” Mish was hysterical, screaming at the top of her lungs. “Medic….Medic…where the fuck are you….Medic!”

Coughing, Adilah turned her head and looked at Mish though blood-stained tears. “Shhh…it’s okay…it doesn’t hurt.”

Mish was sobbing, and as she buried her head in Adilah’s hair, Mish raked at the blood-stained clothes in an effort to magically remove the bullets from her lover’s body. “It’ll be okay, we’ll get the medic, and he’ll fix you up…” Mish said in denial at the obvious.

“Mish…Mish…Look at me…” Adilah demanded. Mish snapped her head back and looked down into the pain-filled eyes of the woman she loved.

Adilah knew she was dying. Giving a weak smile, she looked into Mish’s eyes. “Don’t be sad, I will be watching over you always. I will be with you, Mish, singing to you like the dolphin”, she smiled as her gaze softened and deepened.

Mish knew in this moment that Adilah loved her. Her heart shattered like crystal.

“Promise me Mish, you will learn to love again.” Adilah said with a look of desperation.

“Never… I love you and only you.” Mish sobbed and spoke the words through clenched teeth. “How can you say that…”

“Promise me!” she demanded.

Mish sighed, “I promise…Albi.” Mish rasped out their pet name, meaning “My heart.”

Adilah raised her hand and gently cupped the side of Mish’s face, just as she had done the first night they had made love.

Mish instantly fell silent, the tears flowing freely down her cheeks.

“My grandmother used to tell me, ‘Dwell not upon thy weariness, thy strength shall be according to the measure of thy desire.’ A silly Arab proverb, I know.”

“It’s not silly…” Mish sniffed, hardly able to contain her anguish.

“I will send you a sign and then you will know the time for grief and loneliness is past, I will send you a new love.” Adilah smiled weakly. “Take my charm, Mish, and be like the dolphin, happy and free.”

Mish gently took the blood-stained charm from around Adilah’s neck. She placed it in her pants pocket.

Looking back at Adilah, she saw her eyes burning with a deepness of love that penetrated into Mish’s soul, searing its memory into her heart.

Mish raised Adilah gently up, cradling her closely. Rocking her like a child, Mish kissed her delicately on the forehead and whispered words of love and comfort through a fog of misery and tears.

“Please stay with me…” Mish spoke in sobs.

Looking at her lover, Adilah’s lips trembled with emotion, hiding the pain from Mish. “I love you…know that I loved you, Albi” she whispered.

“I love you too…” Mish said softly as she pressed her lips against Adilah’s forehead. Mish’s pain was so deep when she cried no noise came from her throat.

Sergeant Schneider, who had answered the Major’s screams, had slid unceremoniously around the corner to where the two women lay. Quickly appraising the situation, he placed a comforting hand on Mish’s shoulder, and silently wept with her.

Feeling the final breath of life ebb from Adilah’s broken body -- Mish let out a cry of anguish as she held the still body of Adilah her in her arms.

If you have enjoyed Heather Murchie's "A Time For Us", then please be certain to e-mail her at  heather.murchie[at]activ8.net.au  and thank her for posting this Story.

Click here for a list of all of Heather Murchie's  Stories and Poetry at  Sapphic Voices Authoresses.

Copyright © 1997-2007 Sapphic Voices.  All rights reserved.
Unless otherwise noted, all site content is entirely owned and is solely maintained by  Sapphic Voices.
Absolutely no portion of this page may be reproduced either electronically or otherwise without the express
and written permission of the copyright holder, except as occurs in normal browser caching and page indexing.